I need to make my voice sound sickly and hoarse by tomorrow. how.
 

I missed work today, and I fuck up alot, but luckily i smoked so much last night that I called in with a raspy and overly sick voice.

Tomorrow I have to go and talk to the general manager and see what he says. He's kind of an asshole but he likes me more than most people who work there.

Anyways, besides sleeping with a fan in my face and smoking 4x more than usual tonight, what are some guaranteed ways to fuck my vocal chords up by tomorrow afternoon?

When I did music in college and performing arts medicine later, they said never to eat dairy before singing because you're all phlegmed up. So give that a try, I guess.

I don't know, usually yelling a lot makes a voice raspy.

Drill sergeants gargle lemon juice, among other things, to make themselves hoarse.

gargle jizz

Scream for a couple of hours. That should work.

No tadao is right just gargle a big ol' cum

Get fired like a man, you don't deserve the job anyway

Smokes pot and a fuck up. I never would of thought.

this is true. i steal from there all the time.

how much cum and can it be my own

Dammit how come I was all serious and helpful and then you guys showed me another way I could have gone with it

fuck you all

This is i-mockery not i-helpery

I need to cross stitch that and hang it where I can see it every morning.

You should write "PUT MAN WIENERS HERE" on your forehead in sharpie and draw an arrow going down your nose to your mouth. Then let a dude put his dick in your mouth.

Do this and start charging for it, I heard Pram Maven really turned his life around doing this, that is until he paid all of those guys to let him suck their dicks.

Dick and sperm jokes. Well I'm surprised.

When you say smoke, do you mean pot or cigs? Because cigs will do the job a lot better. If you smoke like 4 packs in that time your voice should be plenty fucked up. With any luck all that nicotine will make you a little nauseous as well.

I was expecting GW to be all high and mighty first. It's good to know that there is someone on hand to take his place should he die.

Make sure there are no pussy filters on your cigarettes either.

Also chew glass and eat blacktop.

Not really, just saying that you shouldn't be surprised about dick and sperm jokes.

Thrasho, how did it go?

Oh, thank god. I thought for a moment you decided to criticize us for being childish.

Zhukov go gargle a cum :fu :fu

Yes, how did the glass eating and asphalt tasting go?