the bottles that came with our carbonation machine smell like chlorine.

ALMOND JOYS, 100 GRAND BARS, MCMENAMINS DIJON MUSTARD, AND A VINTAGE ISSUE OF HUSTLER MAGAZINE

AND A PACKAGE OF SALMON JERKY, FRESH FROM ALASKA

I got him a bunch of stuff from cracker barrel, too.

Fuck I want some salmon jerky now :( I'M NOT GONNA GET THAT SHIT IN CALIFORNIA, I CAN'T EVEN GET FRESH MUSSELS, AND OYSTERS ANYMORE >::(:(:(:(:( we're right next to the fucking OCEAN, why aren't there any decent seafood vendors in the area I AM DEPRIVED

Canned boiled peanuts!

they don't have salmon jerky or boiled peanuts in stores here, except at jungle jims, and if I go there I might as well send him a box of Australian groceries while I'm at it.

Man, as much as I hate the state I live in, I couldn't imagine living somewhere that didn't have canned boiled peanuts readily available.

S.F. buys it all before you can.

THOSE TRENDY VEGAN SHITHEADS, I'LL KILL THEM

We had a (recently retired) salesman who was originally from the deep south - he loved those slimy looking turdlets, but what really hit me was when he said "Are yew shore yew don' wan' sum BALD PENIS?"

I nearly crapped in my pants. :lol

finally remembered the password for my email address and now i can post again

What did I miss besides self congratulatory masturbation and shitty inside jokes?

Sam, don't call Fathom a number two. I'm trying to sleep, dammit. >:

it's been all re-runs, man. you gotta wait for the new season to come out

HE'S A DEUCE.

THE DEUCE IS LOOSE.

Dylan
OOOO BIG MAN
WITH THE CONKER
GO TO SLEEP
YOU'RE OLD

SAM
THE GREAT MIGHTY POO
I AM OLD BITCH
SHOW SOME RESPECT

Dylan
FUCK YOU, OLDIE

SAM
I AM 25 I AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER

Dylan
Man you are old
Jesus
Go to sleep
you don't want your back to give out

SAM
HAVE SOME MORE CAVIAR

Dylan
working the pussy 12 hours

SAM
HAVE SOME MORE CAVIAR
OH PLEASE
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW LITTLE DYLAN

Dylan
What do you do?
Lick stamps?

SAM
MY JOB CRUSHES LITTLE LADY BOYS LIKE YOU
DAILY

Dylan
With your big retarded tongue?

SAM
LITTLE LADY BOYS
NAMED DYLAN
REDUCED TO TEARS
WITH SKINT KNEES

SUCK IT

MAKE IT HAPP'N, CAP'N

Guys, I'm 50 fucking years old & I don't need this shit. >:

It's like fifteen o' clock wherever you're at, you don't need sleep

19 o'clock. >:

That shit is late at my age. :(

I was going to go to Japan late this year with a friend for a holiday, but I have changed my mind and now want to go to North Korea.

Now I have to trick my friend into thinking it is better somehow.

Of course it is. Have fun with that.

I woke up wanting guacamole and I'm not quite sure why :/

As long as you eat it with blue-corn tortilla chips, you're good.

:pagebrak

I'm thinking about just surprising him when we arrive.

Ive read many things about North Korea, apparently the easiest way is through northern china first. you can "buy" a visa there or something. Great place, paradise utopia ^.^

Don't forget to carry a placard that says "Democracy NOW!" or "Impeach Kim!" or something. They love protesters there.

EDIT: Maybe you couild look up KulturKampf while you're there. ;)

Hot traffic girls. I bet thats the key.

PREGGERS AGAIRN

I damn well better not be.

When my wife was pregnant she had a constant craving for Chipotle. Now she cant stand the stuff. Im thinking about knocking her up again. :\

I love chipotle, and I do have a buy one burrito get one free coupon (meal's still fucking $21 though after chips and drinks). Last time I went, though, all gastrointestinal hell broke loose. I think it was the sour cream :(

I've never eaten at a Chipotles. We have one just the next block over from work. What's your favorite burrito?

the too much rice burrito

I get a vegetarian bowl with the fajita vegetables and the green salsa. Then I scoop it up with the chips. It's very yummy, but the sour cream is a bit of a bathroom roulette thing.

Chipotle people are a bit sexist, size-ist. Esp the female servers. Ive seen them give big chipotles to guys, esp big ones. The size of babies. However they always give me a small chipotle, almost half the size of a normal one for the same money I payed. I can finish a big one too =/

My serving sizes have always been more than I can usually deal with, especially when not pregnant. I was actually looking forward to not being pregnant this summer.

Now I want avocado and starbucks doubleshots. Perhaps I'm somehow malnourished.

MALNOURISHED FROM THE PREGNANCY

IT'LL BE TWINS THIS TIME

THEY ARE GOING TO TEAR YOU IN HALFFFFFFFF

I really doubt it. Anyway, there are other reasons that people crave things. I once knew someone with pica who ate sticks of chalk like candy.

Wiffles I'd love to take you on a date to Pyongyang and watch you eat your fill on boiled grass and bark.

well they dont serve those to tourists, strictly a local cuisine. but it would be ok to see how life is like for the masses, like sample their meals and work in their fields even for a day. to see the contrast compared to our lives

I drove to the emergency room last night 'cause I couldn't breathe without gagging.

I got better. :(

It's a bitch getting old.

I'm glad you got better. It sucks not being able to breathe.

Epiglottitis or something?

That sounds like a real bad cold.

:lol

Come with me Wiffles, we will elope to DPRK. I have a good working class background and will cook whatever I can find for you. Why try it for a day when we could spend the rest of our slightly shortened lives there?

How are you doing now?

Miami Vice, fuck yeah

A TURKEY IN THE TENTH FRAME, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Bowled a 117 last night. Please, keep your seats during your applause

How would you like a MONTH-LONG BAN for each instance you've posted this? (HINT: IT WOULD BE A 13-MONTH BAN)

:rock

My dad just gave me a lesson on Japan before, during, and after ww2 and why things are like they are with his generation of Asians. Fucking wow.

I'm sincerely beginning to wonder if the asshat rednecks on either side of us are actively trying to run us out. I mean, we've had arrows fired into our yard, car repair done on the fucking front lawn, and the guy on one side deliberately tries to goad my dog into going nuts by setting his two little yappers after her. Then he stands there and watches like it's an entertaining TV show.

This morning he climbed the freeway wall and hung a damn flag on a metal pole on top of the wall. There's nothing really keeping it from flying off. Someone on the freeway's going to get killed.

This place would be great if it weren't for the damned idiot rednecks.

Well, if they haven't invited you along for a cross burning, that's an indicator too...

considering that I didn't think to hide the manischewitz boxes and kedem bottles in the recycle bin after passover, I think we'd probably have a front row seat to any cross burning they decided to throw :/

Kitty Kat, we have all told you to move the fuck out of hicksville. Your right to bitch is now revoked. :tear

Mom just measured. 17 inches of full luscious black Japanese hair is going out to cancer baldies soon.

Good for you. :)

I wish I could hug a cancer ridden kid as they get my awesome hair placed on their little shiny dome.

stupid dying kids

Thanks for the well-wishes. :)

After getting some much needed z's I'm feeling pretty good. Actually I never really felt BAD either, except for the whole not-being-able-to-breathe thing.

@kit & 10K - The Doc called it uvulitis and pharyngitis, which is to say he saw swelling in both areas of the throat. Not a strep infection, but to be on the safe side they put me on Amox, then for the swelling Prednisone.

@babs - It took about 12 hours, but eventually the swelling went down to where it felt almost normal.

Now I need to rest my voice so I can talk normally again. Everyone around me will be very pleased - I have been accused of not being very subtle in the volume department. :\

cant move, too many extenuating circumstances. What I want is for THEM to move back to whatever oilpan-dumping, teeth-optional hellhole they came from >:

What's stopping you?

Unfortunately, "I was here first" doesn't work, :(

Here's a thought. Start a blog called "the worlds worst neighbors" and post pictures and videos of them doing really stupid crap. If it gets real popular, it could provide a separate source of income for you. The bonus - if they are as redneck as you say, they're unlikely to ever realize it exists, so they'll keep giving you new material.

yes, but if they did find out, I'd get sued the next time they needed beer money.

My hairs in the mail and I look like a nazi. :O

an azn nazi, that's something I'd like to see

Miso Soup Nazi

I look like a grey. :(

BFFT WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol

Best Friend for Today?

:(

Holy fuck.

There's a dog in that picture.

I'm going to take an extremely hot shower while drinking an ice cold beer.

UPDATES COMING SOON

Tasmanians are so charming. :love

Take it off! :orgasm

I know I've done that before but I was too drunk to notice that it might be unusual

Tadao, my friend; You have Olive Oyl's arms.

OH POPEYE! :love

WHERESMA GAWDDAMN SPINACH

I AIN'T GOIN FOR NO REHAB

Oh snap. Even your dog is abandoning ship.

Cute face though. One I want to pee on. :D

He's got that "Aging Rockstar" quality about him.

HAH! GW actually found humor!

I don't post on this website enough these days.

Hey guys.

Heh. Nice.

bfft is the sound of laugh that's trying to escape, while you're trying to hold your mouth closed.

Man that one picture of Grace Jones is hot, even if every other picture of her looks mean and scary.

Woah, dude, he's The Stallion!

Dude! He's The Stallion!

BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GOD OF DRAWINGS, WEAK AND PITIFUL MORTALS

I AM THREE MEN

p.s. Please read my weekly review in the music column and give your intake. BE LIKE TRU N SHIT.

hey guys look at my shitty drawings made with a ballpoint pen, some idiot out there will probably buy these!

Oh. well that is a thin hope with nothing backing it up. I don't know why you accepted it as you're so disparaging of my unrealistic assertions.