Cock block from above.
 

I got cock blocked by God. I have faced many a human blocker in my day, but never did I think the almighty would find the time smite me where it really smotes. Long story short, 3 months of happy relationship are now all but over thanks to my girl deciding that she's no longer happy with my confessed agnosticism. God is her number one guy, heart and soul. Whatever I get from here on out is at best His sloppy seconds. All this time she's been calling out another guy's name, when I just thought I was doing good. How the fuck do you match up with the creator? I mean, I'm not chopped liver, but I can't raise the dead and shit. Totally not fair. Anyone else get blocked by a supernatural force or have a good/funny cock blocked story?

You made me laugh.

So are you an atheist now?

Nah. If I were atheist I wouldn't believe that God could blocketh my cocketh.

I'm a funny guy.

dont push it

UHH TISS PUSH IT

PUSH IT REAL GOOD

back with another of those cock blockin beats *electornic music*

Look at the bright side- God blocked your cock with a "swaying of minds/hearts" instead of his "Fire & Brimstone" shctick.

Talking to a pursuit just now, I related a story about seeing an affectionate reference to myself in the Craigslist "Missed Connections" section and emailing the mystery person with "hey sorry I have gf now anyways my name is Seth", with the addendum, "There is no worse cockblock than integrity."

I was expecting you to get cockblocked by Godfrey from the real world.

All things considered, you're probably better off.

There are loads of perfectly nice agnostic chicks out there.

A fire 'n brimstone cock-block sounds painful.

Better than turning you impotent.

Every time a girl screams "Oh God" when I'm having sex with her I slap her and say "Tony Danza, bitch!". That's how it works, right?

The clouds will part and the sky cracks open
And God himself will reach his fucking cock through
Just to push you down
Just to hold you down

Wait, did she yell out God's name in the sack? That would be awkward at best....

Switch from confessed agnosticism to agnosticism.