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-   -   Online chess players? (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18702)

Grislygus Jun 11th, 2011 12:09 PM

Hell, I'd never played before; didn't think it would be as fun as it is

stevetothepast Jun 11th, 2011 08:26 PM

I'll take you on grislygoop.

Colonel Flagg Jun 12th, 2011 12:31 AM

http://www.chess.com/members/view/Colonel_Flagg

I'll be a sacrificial goat. :)

zeldasbiggestfan Jun 12th, 2011 12:37 AM

http://www.chess.com/echess/profile/zbf

BRING IT.

Esuohlim Jun 12th, 2011 05:42 AM

FUCK YOU CHESS I'M EXHAUSTED AND THE SUN'S COMING UP :(

WE ARE ALL SO BAD THAT WE'RE RUNNING AROUND THE BOARD IN CIRCLES

GOD DOESN'T EXIST

Shyandquietguy Jun 12th, 2011 05:53 AM

I ENJOYED OUR LAST GAME NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL IT WAS!!!

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 12th, 2011 05:58 AM

and the fuckin birds are out.

Grislygus Jun 12th, 2011 06:10 AM

Is anyone else watching other people's games? Here's some EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY from my and milhouse's game to give you a glimpse into the strategic minds of two of I-Mockery's premiere champions.

Quote:

Grislygus: Just watched your game against pub
Grislygus: I'm fucking WORRIED now
esuohlim: My first Pub game was a masterpiece of deception and cunning. The game I'm playing now I hella fucked up twice already
Grislygus: I basically got bored and stopped paying attention, then Pub and I both fucked up royal and now we're just dicking around because neither party is resigning
Grislygus: oh you bastard, I have no idea what you're plotting
Grislygus: fuck it
Grislygus: WHAT DID I JUST DO
esuohlim: wHOOPS :angrys
Grislygus: Oh man, I thought you were totally bluffing with the double queen suicide
esuohlim: I didn't plan on it but then shit got real
Grislygus: lol
Grislygus: once he finally kills me, you should watch my game against shyandquietguy and laugh your ass off
Grislygus: Thought I was gonna be all "gonna get a sick quick checkmate with a rook and queen sammich"
Grislygus: Then he raped me in the face
esuohlim: Dude, shyandquietguy is a beast. I was all high and mighty after beating Pub twice, but playing HIM was the online chess equivalent of putting on a dress and showing him my room
Grislygus: lol
Grislygus: actually, LMAO
Grislygus: It's funny because it's painfully true
esuohlim: i just got him good by checking him with knight and putting his queen in danger at the same time, put the guy knows how to rudely infiltrate ALL my openings
esuohlim: this is the safest game of chess i've ever played
Grislygus: because I just got my ass handed to me ha ah
esuohlim: MY ROOK IS ON THE PROWL
Grislygus: On the prowl, and one of them is fucked BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
esuohlim: AU CONTRAIRE
Grislygus: oh. Well, you COULD do that. If you were a dick.
esuohlim: i spent the last 20 moves trying to get my rooks SOMEWHERE
esuohlim: by the way my current game with shyandquietguy is taking forever because i suck at pinning him with the checkmate and i keep fucking up and it's hilarious and he's getting pissed
Grislygus: I think he kind of abandoned my ass beating in favor of you
Grislygus: THE FAVORITE
Grislygus: JUST BECAUSE YOUR SKINNY ASS CAN FIT INTO A MINISKIRT
esuohlim: if you keep my pawns pinned I'm turning this into a stalemate, you'd better believe it
Grislygus: Yeah, you just scraped my plan to fuck the one below your king
esuohlim: GUS YOU ARE MAKING THIS EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT
Grislygus: sneaky little bastard
Grislygus: Though I like the idea of my king scared shitless trying to act cool around his posse, with a giant black rook driving around the neighborhood
esuohlim: serious lol
esuohlim: OH FUCK HERE COMES THE BAD NEWS
esuohlim: ROOK GON' INVESTIAGE
esuohlim: *INVESTIGATE
Grislygus: OH SHIT DOG, RONNIE BITCH GONNA RUN
Grislygus: RUN BITCH, RUN. GET DAT CONVERSION
esuohlim: oh man i am so sorry for this oh well
Grislygus: I'm laughing so hard
Grislygus: AWW SHEEIT, RONNIE BITCH GONNA GIT IT
Grislygus: AW POOR RONNIE, BRO
esuohlim: :lol
Grislygus: whoopsidaisee
Grislygus: LET'S DO IT FOR JOHNNY MAN
Grislygus: LET'S DO IT FOR JOHNNY!
Grislygus: "Ronnie"
Grislygus: WHATEVS BRA
esuohlim: lol stalemate way to go loser
esuohlim: shit, nevermind i must have stalemated the quietguy game >:
Grislygus: Now he's gonna get you
Grislygus: Sneaking up to your windows and taking pictures and shit
Grislygus: "THIS GUY. HE'S THE GUY. STALEMATED MY GAME"
esuohlim: GUY'S SHIFTY. also you should check out that game I just played with him when you get the chance, it's a fucking debacle
esuohlim: PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY
Grislygus: yeah, will do. I'm waiting for Tadao to hurry the hell up so I can end my current games and watch your matches
esuohlim: fuckin' queen's gotta loop around
esuohlim: BUT WAIT
esuohlim: PERHAPS
esuohlim: IT IS SIMPLER
Grislygus: No, it's not. I aint' pulling no fancy tricks and overlooking something
esuohlim: HOLD IT I WILL NOW ATTEMPT TO OFFER A DRAW
esuohlim: if it does through without your consent i'll feel like a DICK so nvm
esuohlim: you won this game fair and square. it's like you won the race to the short bus
Grislygus: one sec. bear with me
Grislygus: what
Grislygus: WHAT
Grislygus: BULLSHIT WHAT
Grislygus: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PROGRAMMING IS THIS
esuohlim: YOU FUCKED IT UP, AAAAAHHHH
Grislygus: I WAS GONNA LOOP BACK WITH THE ROOK, MOVE THE TOP BISHOP OUT OF THE WAY AND CHECKMATE YOU RETARD COMPUTER
Grislygus: DAMN YOU COMPUTER
Grislygus: WTF
esuohlim: this is glorious
Grislygus: So if any of us just up and SAY it's a draw, it is?
Grislygus: Actually, thats awesome.
esuohlim: probably not, you'd probably get a request and you can shoot that shit down
Grislygus: I'm going to use that on shyandquietguy right now
esuohlim: all right, gussy. good game and peace out mah nigg
Grislygus: It didn't even ask me if I was cool with it, lol
esuohlim: it wasn't me, it was a stalemate. you fucked it up yourself, brotha
esuohlim: see, it's my turn and i can't move AND i'm not in check either
Grislygus: Naw, if that top bishop gets moved after I put the rook on the top line, it's checmate
Grislygus: COMPUTER ANALYSIS: COMPUTER IS A BITCH
I WILL FIND THE COMPUTER CHESS OVERLORD HIVE MIND AND MURDER IT WITH FIRE

Also turns out it was not just SHyandquetguy's turn, he had already checkmated me :lol

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 12th, 2011 01:09 PM

milhouse beat me last night too. He pulled some anexation of puerto rico shit and flipped the script.

Zhukov Jun 12th, 2011 02:30 PM

I feel this is out of my league.

If there is an online version of paper scissors rock that we can get into or boggle or something, I'd do that.

Fathom Zero Jun 12th, 2011 02:41 PM

I play Go! You should learn that, Zhukov.

Shyandquietguy Jun 12th, 2011 09:15 PM

Pub has performed a reach around and he is just sitting there with his cock in my fucking ass waiting til I can't take this shit no more! >:

Guitar Woman Jun 12th, 2011 09:40 PM

http://www.chess.com/members/view/GenuineSaucy

Come at me bros

Fathom Zero Jun 12th, 2011 09:50 PM

http://www.chess.com/members/view/Laddio-Roji

Guitar Woman Jun 13th, 2011 12:27 AM

Shyandquietguy kicked the shit out of me >:

http://www.chess.com/echess/analysis.html?id=45657696

I want you to know I spent that entire game wringing my hands and scowling while all of my Sburban Jungle remixes were on loop. SHIT WAS INTENSE.

Shyandquietguy Jun 13th, 2011 01:09 AM

Technically it was a draw but I still kicked your ass for sure!!

I believe this may be my third I-mock taken down!

Two have taken me down, Esouhlim and Pub Lover!

elx Jun 13th, 2011 01:47 AM

mine!

Shyandquietguy Jun 13th, 2011 04:36 AM

Ach! You people treat your pawns like fat children you tease but later regret!

Their entrapment in pulled post holes is their doing! No matter how unkempt the grass is!

kahljorn Jun 13th, 2011 05:34 PM

the point of pawns is to make a line the enemy can't cross without getting killed by a pawn/something else :O

CHESS ADVICE FROM DR. KAHLJORN

darkvare Jun 13th, 2011 05:59 PM

i used to have a lego chess game but i missplaced the cd

Shyandquietguy Jun 14th, 2011 12:12 AM

Guitar Woman mashed my god damn face in.

LET ME SEE YOU TRY TO DO THAT SHIT AGAIN!!

PS: ENJOY YOUR SHITTY STRAW BROOM TROPHY!!! NYLON'S FOR CHAMPS BTW!!!

Tadao Jun 14th, 2011 12:39 AM

I think I've added everyone :eek

Colonel Flagg Jun 14th, 2011 04:19 AM

I can't believe I'm saying this but WHERE THE HELL IS ZBF?

Colonel Flagg Jun 14th, 2011 04:20 AM

Who am I kidding - I don't know wtf I'm doing.

Tadao Jun 14th, 2011 11:09 PM

I accepted ZBF and ELX but they have yet to start. :tear


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