those reports are the best thing i've seen today

He was trying to make those guitars and that guitar magazine pile disappear while looking like a goth faggot.

Edit: Just realized it probably worked and he made the kit disappear also. Doesn't have the kit to figure out how to re-summon it so he has to claim it was stolen for insurance purposes.

Isn't a Criss Angel magic set one of those popcorn bucket bags now?

Your town officially has the best newspaper in the world. Please keep posting these!

"alleged shoe-stealing canine"

Loves it. :lol

Whoever is writing these is brilliant.

How the hell do you get a playpen out the window? It's all I can do to get one collapsed enough to get it out the front door.

THAT MUST BE ONE BIG WINDOW! :lol

um i assume they unlocked the door and took it out that way

"She suspects it was her sister since all the items belonged to her."

:lol

That's what I thought after I wrote that, but they didn't say it explicitly so who knows.

I had a whole scenario in my head of some woman flopping in through a window and stuffing everything out through same.

Funny story, I was in detroit a few years ago when I walked into what I thought was a normal pizza place. Apparently they did not sell pizza to the general public. They informed me that I could get a slice of pizza at the liquor store next door. I went over there and sure a shit there was a rotating pizza in a glass case on the counter next to the airline sized bottles of liquor.

if you're wondering why the paper appears pink, they printed a pink paper this week. i dunno.

Crimebeat is just awesome. Because I can actually see shit like that happening. Like the time we built a homemade bow and arrow shooting range. And how at night we had to climb over the back yard fence with a ladder and pull an arrow out of the neighbor's house.

And the time someone broke into my friend's house's back door, stole all of the change off of the table in the living room, then ran out of the front door. He came into the living room in time to catch the guy leaving. He chased him, but the guy got away.

The one about the assassin message on facebook made me laugh really loud. The first story on Monday October 17th is terrifying though.

I swear I laughed so hard when I read the love note on the McDonald's Wrapper.

Huh, this one gets all scary and dangerous on the 16th and 17th. Weird.
And I agree the McLove note was the best one.

It reminds me the time I got really drunk and wrote a love note to this girl on my friend's application to some steakhouse. I wrote it in fucking crayon. And it talked about how her ass is the best ass I've ever seen. Then we biked to her house and shoved it through the car window. She thought it was from my friend and he said it was a joke. I was fucking serious with my love note at the time.

We had a GPS stolen once :( No chick-fil-a coupons, though. How the fuck did they manage to accumulate $150 in chick-fil-a coupons?

Keep up the good work.:)

Must've been a real "old-timey" type that used to hang outside of windows so the babies wouldn't overheat during the summer.

As I said, I thought after I hit reply that it was probably just out the door, but I had a picture in my head of this woman climbing in like a cat burglar and cramming baby junk back out the window and it was pretty hard to erase.