Chimp attack
 

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=...-chimpanzee-at

This happened in my state. Apparently the owner fed the chimp some Xanax and it went berserk.

The thing that intrigues me about this is that I've noticed a pattern with chimp attacks. Other great apes will bite and scratch your arms and legs, but chimps seem intent on disfiguring their victims. This isn't the first time a one has literally ripped someone's face off. I can't help but wonder if its active malice on their part rather than just an instinctive thing.

It's not something I feel the need to figure out.

The 911 call recording for this was hilarious.

But yeah, chimps can be nasty. I watched a documentary years ago about how they kill and mutilate the bodies of other chimps and shit like that.

"That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!"

Makes sense to me. Take out the face and you remove access to sensory data. Although Frans de Waal has a darker view on the matter:

"You can not have cruelty in creatures that don’t have empathy. Ironically enough, for example a shark can do a lot of damage, it can hurt you very terribly, but I don’t, don’t think a shark can be cruel, it doesn’t have the brains to understand what the effect is of its actions. Now chimpanzees do have that kind of understanding. Chimpanzees have empathy and sympathy and so as a result they can also inflict pain on purpose I think."

A male chimp is probably the worst possible pet of all great apes. Bonobos are horny and utterly peaceful. (Though I guess for a pet the constant sexual presentation would get a bit awkward) Gorillas are hulking but docile, silverbacks will fight over harems but it's mostly ritualistic and deaths are rare, though they will kill the offspring of competing males. Male orangutans are rapists and make terrible pets as well. Gibbons are speed freaks that only want to fling poop and do george of the jungle shit all day long.

But chimps are just fucked up cannibals that wage war on competing social groups, eat theirs and others' young, and fashion weapons to hunt adorable lesser primates like bushbabies.

NYtimes quote: "Ms. Nash’s injuries were so horrific — Ms. Herold told a 911 dispatcher that her pet was eating Ms. Nash — that the hospital was providing counseling to the staff members who treated her. Mr. Orstad said some members of the team that initially treated Ms. Nash had already sought counseling."

How long do you think before they'll start putting chimps in prison? I'll give them 20 years.

I'd say we already do. Now if we start giving them trials I'm for real leaving the country.

Maybe it's an instictive thing they do to disable/slow down their opponents.

I read something once about llamas automatically going for their opponent's scrotum, which I found out when reading an article about one attacking a guy (fortunately, the guy was rescued before the llama could attack that particular part of his body).

It's no different than when a cat goes for the throat/jugular vein. Animals aren't stupid in that regard. They know how to disable you and they've all got their favorite method.

Humans aren't very imposing enemies. Think for a second, how many animals can we fight unarmed and win almost every time? Anything bigger than a coyote can kick our ass, which is pretty sad considering an average 100lb size advantage.

I'd say humans are pretty imposing.

the key word was "unarmed" LOL

Yeah, but only gator wrasslers or retards would/should attempt to fight an animal unarmed. Even a house cat would fuck up an average person. To say humans are unimposing, though... I guess I mean to say that I've seen more animals cower in fear of humans than vice versa.

Well. We probably do smell like shit to them.

Probably... :tear

Probably. My dog always sniffs me like crazy whenever I come home.

And honestly, if people got rid of genetically engineered fruits and vegetables, climate control, all those things that we use to control the environment, a whole bunch of us would die as per the laws of population (when a population grows greater than the amount of natural resources can handle, the population starts to die out until there are enough resources to sustain them).

I would fight a a chimp if I had to barehanded.....in a junkyard.

This eventully get's related back to this:
My friend's cat had a litter and offered me one. I told her I wanted one but couldn't because of roommate's allergies. She told me to tell him it was a monkey instead of a kitten. I asked my roommate if he wanted a chimp.

He said: "I wouldn't know what to feed him. Do they sell face at the pet store?"

You are aware than an adult chimp is at least 3 times as strong as an adult human male, right? I mean, even that's a fairly conservative estimate...

In a junkyard, though. With any luck he can find something to brain the monkey with before it gets at him.

Pfft. Chimps can use bludgeons too. And they aren't monkeys, they're apes.

Yeah, but they can't set booby traps!

























Boobies!

Exactly! I would use my human intellect and my bare hands to rip the chimp in two....if I had to.

I would use my bare hands to latch onto a crane and drop him into a car crusher....if I had to.


I would MANhandle him...if I had to.

You just wanna rape monkey butts in a junkyard :(

Well the chimp also can hold stuff with his feet, so he technically has twice as many hands as you do. :\