I have diabeetus, what's your excuse?

words are like bullets

I think the next time 'Willie' looks at his Q&A thread he will quit the internet forever.

More viking questions!

Capital idea

I got called a stupid cunt today, for no apparent reason.

That happened to me, so I beat the living shit out of the kid. His mom kept screaming "No no! He has turrets!" I went home and googled it later and found out about this awesome disease.

Super story, Tadao!

I think this was just some random prick whose balls are bigger online.

Just now on the way home some kid on the train bumped into me and I told him the only reason I use the train to get around is because they are keeping an eye out for people like me on the Greyhound bus'.

Was it me? :(

Way to post at the same time as me, Wobby. :(
Way to be off topic, New Guy. :(

And yes. I think she is great. I also do think teaching creationism in American science classes is good.

It should be noted that I am a communist in the employ of China. :(

No, it wasn't you. When you call me a cunt it's just sillygoodtimefun.

*huggles*

Gunshots were fired at my apt complex today. My room mate said he heard two shots and then heard a man hootin' and hollerin'. He looked out the window and saw that the man had 2 of his car windows shot out. 6 squad cars came, stood around for a while and then left. God bless this mess.

I was told my on-post libary priviledges were taken away today.

My dad fucking sucks.

What does that even mean :(

Kid can't check out books at the base library.

And I wanted to learn Esperanto, too. >:

Were you looking at sex books?

He was doing inappropriate things to himself why ogling an issue of Ranger Rick.

I'm sure if it had been an issue of Highlights For Kids no one would have paid it any mind.

Oh man, goofus and gallant get me wet.

What base are you at again?

Ft. Sill, Home of the Field Artillery, King of Battle.

Or so I am told by the private security contractor the government has hired to check IDs at the gate.

Ha, we have those same contractors that wear AF abu's that are worn improperly and look like shit.

Do you have a lot of asian women that work on base, mainly the PX?

Fuck yeah, tons of Japanee and Korean ladies hobbling around, mainly as baggers at the commissary. Some of them were nice, but a lot of them didn't like me, like when I tried to help other baggers struggling with an assload of groceries at a closing register, they'd accuse me of cutting in line. Just one of the reasons why I left and didn't come back, that and the Quasimodo-esque Korean lady that chewed on oats right behind me, but yeah.

They're all married to soldiers so they can get visas.

Yup, that's the military way. You marry a Japanese or Korean broad with the promise that she'll be able to work at the "Big PX in the Sky". I was really surprised to see so many asians working on base when I came here to Florida, though.

I GUESS THE MILITARY IS ALL ABOUT GETTIN SOME SUCKY SUCKY

For some saps, yes.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7637257.stm

I wish this had happened on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

She'd like to know God
Love God
Feel, feel, feel her God
Inside of her
Deep inside of her
INSIDE OF HER!
DEEP INSIDE OF HER!

I WILL BIRTH GOD

OM NOM NOM

For the sake of humanity I hope you abort that shit.

I NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY XBOX 360 WITH ME ;_;

HAW, NOT LIKELY BRAW! NIGHT OF THE LEPUS IS ABOUT TO BE ON TCM.

Since when does Billy Bob Thornton not want road kill?

It's Wilford Brimley's Birthday!!!!!!!!! I think he's 600 now.

Nah, he's only 518. :(

He's oatmeal years old.

R.I.P Paul Newman :(

His death makes the salad dressing aisle extremely depressing.

Fuck you for fucking up my deathpool, you old bastard.

this made me lol :<

His ginger-o's weren't as good as Trader Joe's, but Trader Joe's stopped selling theirs so fuck them. I elevate his ginger cookies to awesome.

Slap Shot :(

We had an old man shit himself in the store today.
Way lame.
We had to open all the doors to let the foulness out.
I hope no one thought he ate our food, we might lose business.

I worked at a commercial cave over the summer and somebody shit in the cave one day.

Also somebody had taken a shit on one of the aisles in the grocery store a few years ago. We invented a title for the kid who had to clean it up, Fecal Clean-up Manager (FCM!). We would get on the intercom and say "FCM needed on aisle thirteen, please. FCM to aisle thirteen."

Stupid.

That sounds exciting.
I was hoping I'd no longer have to deal with doodoo after I stopped working with children.

When I worked in a restaurant during the summer, somebody wrote "hello" on the bathroom wall in their own shit.

No way! I really like them. :(

Most people like them, until they get too big and become dangerous and then you have to flush them down the toilet.

And that's where urban legends are born

Wom

Breaking news.

We were out at that Halloween place not long ago (just before midnight) and as we were coming back along the interstate, we passed this guy who was running like hell. We almost didn't see him, but he had a dirty wifebeater tied around his head.

A little further up, there was a bad accident with police and firetrucks and ambulances and a car that had the entire passenger side smashed in. The other car was in a cornfield about 30 feet away.

It doesn't really make sense for someone to randomly be running like hell along the interstate at night, or for someone who has been in an accident to run away from help. I'm gonna guess he had a warrant or something and was fleeing the scene. What do you think?

He was fucked up off crystal meth.

Tadao?

He was just getting some exercise. It's not against the law to go for a midnight run wearing a wifebeater hat. At least I hope not.

Your going to feel bad when you totally right.

Me: Oh hi, I'm calling from the apartment A14 of *address*, I've bought myself an analog TV and I'm in a need of a digibox, does this appartment have antenna or cable connection?

Maintenance guy: Uhhh...duhhh...what?

Me: Is this appartment an antenna household or a cable household?

Maintenance guy: ...uhh....antenna

Me: you sure about that?

Maintenance guy: Uhhh....yeah...

Me: ok, thanks.

So, I bought myself a fucking digibox, meant for antenna households, only to notice it's not working. I call my landlord, only to learn that my appartment is a cable household.

"Reliable service 24/7" my ass. Fuck the maintenance, fuck the maintenance guy and fuck me for not calling my landlord in the first place >:

i didnt know there were such things as "Antaneaa houawholsa" and "cable households"

Surely checking what type of hole your wall contains would've been easier than phoning people?

Finland.

oh thats right

I was just browsing the Internet for extremely large beanbag chairs and I noticed the company Sumo that make the Omni and SumoSac are using an advert apparently devised by Something Aweful on their website.

http://www.sumolounge-uk.com/indexVideo2.php

Funny.

Anyway - I really want a huge beanbag chair to lounge in but they cost like $199 and probably don't ship to the UK. Since when does a load of shredded foam cost a hundred quid? Pff.

Yeah sumo's using sites like SA and VGCats to write reviews of free chairs they send

I think with the right beanbag chair I could be looking like this:



Within 4-6 months.

She's sitting the hell out of that chair!

Can a mod delete the spam tennis threads in the Sports forum and maybe ban the ip of the tosser that posted them?

Or chatroom them. :(

:lol

So does anyone want me to reveal whose character Yukiko is or do y'all want to keep pretending she's a real person

I'm fine with either option personally

In that case it's probably Guitar Woman.

Or Jeanette again. :lol

FWIW I vote "spill it".

Regardless what you do, "she's" pretty damned funny.

I'm going to come clean on this one here guys.

Colonel Flagg is actually my character. Didn't see that one comin' now did ya?

That twist was Shyamalanian.

I ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS SO DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR BREATH.

One of my kittens tried to nurse on my armpit stubble the other day.
A subtle reminder to shave.

Is Tadao on anymore? Oh.

Tadao, I wanna pet your bunny.

as long as it don't try to nurse on your upper lip

and by upper lip, I mean your assho*e

srry but thas all the hairy assho*e jokes I got :(

Tadao's gone for the weekend on a meth binge.
He'll be back soon.

No worries on the kittens licking my asshole, they've still got claws.

meth is sooooooo 1997 :rolleyes

The Dukes of Hazzard did meth back in the day

oh going back to asshol*s man I ran across a hairy one the other day and i didn't know what to do so i just pretended that i didn't notice she had one :sick

One of my friends Nairs her butthole.
The problem is that she only does it when she's drunk.
So when she farts it's really funny.

she was all

:SICKBURN

isn't that stuff bad for your skin?

Yeah, people with sensitive skin can't use it.
But she's tough when you get a bottle of tequila in her, and pretty entertaining too.

tequila no es bueno mi amiga

i have an ex who use to get her stuff waxed. Paid like $50 bucks for it.

what a job to have.

Dude, imagine the horrors they have to witness.
it's not all cute hot chicks that get their pubes ripped out.

oh i know.

I think it must be horrible.

Just like being a gynaecologist :barf

What's the term for a dick doctor? Is there even a dick doctor?

Prostitute.

I would so pay to see that.

The Fart & Splat sounds would have to be able to be heard or else it loses value.

Urologist.

I knew a female urologist who used to be a model. Imagine how awkward it'd be going in to see her about your dick problem.

SEXY

SEXY

Oh god. :x

Americans are the worst. In my continuing mission to seek out a huge beanbag chair I called the UK Sumo phone number to ask if I could get the SumSac in the UK (as the Omni is the only product listed on the UK site).
I got through to some American dude and I asked "Is it possible to get the SumoSac through the UK website as the Omni is the only product listed?". After some confusion about what I wanted he went off to find out. Couple of minutes later he told me yes - I could order it through the website. Naturally my next question was "Okay, but it's not listed so how can I do that?". Again there was some confusion and so I asked if I could order it over the phone. Again I was told "yes" at which point I thanked him for his help and hung up. Now call me a cynic but I don't believe for a moment he was giving me an informed opinion on anything - which is weird considering they only basically sell two products.

Unfortunately you can't tell cable plug apart from antenna plug, they look exactly the same :/