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-   -   Puke stories (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69704882)

zeldasbiggestfan Jul 19th, 2010 11:50 PM

Puke stories
There's plenty of story threads, so let's get a puke one going.

A time not too long ago, I decided it was time to get nice and hammered with some buddies at a party. Now, see, I'm dumbass sometimes when I drink, and have too much too fast. My buddy said to "pre-game". At the time I didn't really care what it was, I was just ready to drink for once.

I'm not really a drinker at all. I don't know what got into me that night. We had a few shots, I more than he, and went to the party.

By this time, I am drunk. Not really wasted, but with about 4 shots in me I was feeling pretty good. I had a few shitty mixed drinks made of grape kool-aid and some smirnoff. Ick. It was after probably the 3rd or 4th one in an hour, when things are going to start going downhill. And fast.

I decided to play beerpong with the nasty shit. Then, my friends won't let me play because I am too wasted and failing hardcore at this new game I've been introduced to. I always watched, so I knew the rules, I just played for the first time that night.

Anyway, I drink when people fuck up, I drink when people sink a cup. Soon, I no longer want this fruity cocktail bullshit. "Whatever it is, I don't like it!" I yell to my buddy who's giving me the free drinks, the same one I had pre-gamed with. So I begin having beers. Here's where things get blurry.

The only thing I remember is going outside of the garage I was partying in to have a cigarette. The 13-15 drinks (shots, mixed shit, and godawful fucking natty ice) begin to make me feel a bit sick, just the spins I say to myself.

I get a call, and talk to this girl I knew who wanted to come to the party. No ride, everyone's drunk so she's left out. We talk awhile, when I realize I can't fucking talk on the phone like this and quickly let her go. I go inside and head to my friends room to pass out.

I remember sitting on his couch, drunk as fuck for I don't know how long. Soon, a good friend who was being shipped off to the Navy soon came in and flicked the lights on and off fucking with me. I don't even care at this point.

Soon, he realizes I'm sick and tries to "make me feel better" by giving me some Bud Select "None of that nasty natty shit!" He says.

"No dude, for real. Anymore alcohol and I'll puke" I slurred to him.

"Don't be a pussy!" He says and hands it to me.

In my stupor I grab the bottle and down a quarter of it. He is about to leave when he turns around and says "If you have to puke use this bowl" and he hands me this big ass bowl used for popcorn.

Right before it reaches my hand, I feel the purple demons inside of me screaming to be let out. I spew, right into the bowl.

About a gallon of thin, liquidy, puprley, alcoholic puke cpews out in an instant into this giant ass bowl. I literally fill the bitch so there was about 1 1/2"- 2" of it not in puke. This huge ass bowl that can be used to hold about 2 or three bags of microwave bags of popcorn, and I nearly topped it off.

My buddy was not in the awe I expected him to be in "I just saved that fucking couch man." I nod to him drunkenly.

I awaken the next morning thinking "I'm not hung-over! I'm okay!"

I sit up, head feels like shit. Stomach's a churnin'. Shit man, I was wrong I think to myself.

I puked in the toliet at my buddy's house. It was green. Yum. Later in the day, the putcher of purple kool-aid rests on the counter. It reminded me of my vomit but I was so deydrated I downed it. I got in my friends car to leave with the pitcher, opened it as we backed out, and filled it half-with thin liquidy, purpley fucking puke again. His dad flags him down in the driveway and talks to him, me puking my ass off behind his son.

I puked in that pitcher all the way down the street to my house.

I puked again after a shower, and slept all day afterward.

This was the first and only time I've puked from alcohol. I smoked a few bowls, and that could have added to it. But fuck, I haven't puked or drank like that since.

Pentegarn Jul 19th, 2010 11:53 PM

Only time I puked from drinking was also the only time I blacked out from drinking as well. So it would be an incomplete story

Esuohlim Jul 20th, 2010 12:46 AM


Grislygus Jul 20th, 2010 01:14 AM



Fathom Zero Jul 20th, 2010 01:16 AM

I had a ham sandwich one day that was pretty rank. I'm kinda pissed that I paid money for it.

Shyandquietguy Jul 20th, 2010 05:05 AM

Hey guys, do you think chunky puke is actually better for you? I mean, it gets stuck in your teeth so the vomit really doesn't get that much time in. I can't do a good study cause I haven't puked alot y'know?

Shyandquietguy Jul 20th, 2010 05:10 AM

Also, why do they even have barf bags on a plane? There's bathrooms on those things man.

Zhukov Jul 20th, 2010 05:31 AM

You're the one with a really big head, aren't you Zelda'sbiggestfan?

Shyandquietguy Jul 20th, 2010 05:58 AM

I once downed three fourths of an Olde English 40 because I was sorely depressed and the feeling was magical, but I don't know if I'd do it again!

Also for preceding post! "I'm tired of these motha fuckin' barf bags on this motha fuckin' plane!"

Zhukov Jul 20th, 2010 06:13 AM

Slow down.

Kitsa Jul 20th, 2010 10:17 AM

I don't puke a lot. The times I do are when I have actual, diagnosed, tell-the-health-department food poisoning. I've had salmonella (sour cream at an arby's in Niagara Falls in the 80s) and e coli (unwashed green peppers on a pizza in the late 90s). Haven't had botulism for the trifecta yet.

My dad is one of those dads who thinks you're faking, despite my history of 100% never faking ever because I have enough real medical shit to keep me well-supplied. So when I was walking through Niagara Falls and starting to complain of a bad stomachache, he wouldn't let me not eat. I remember very clearly that I had to eat turkey and mayo on white bread and Tahitian Treat (that's a godawful neon red, supersweet fruit-flavored soda, for those of you who don't know) with the rest of the family. So I threw up neon red for the first few days and then whatever water I tried to keep down for the remainder of the week.

The e coli was one of those bad-stuff-coming-from-every-orifice sort of illnesses.

Zomboid Jul 20th, 2010 10:22 AM

I genuinely miss when no one would give ZBF's threads even a bit of seriousness, and they always devolved into people flaming him.

elx Jul 20th, 2010 11:59 AM

so this one night i was ill without realizing it and ended up convincing myself that there were zombie murderers in my home and i needed to get away very quickly. so i crawled out of my bedroom, through the hallway, under stuff in the loft, tumbled down the stairs, and splat onto the floor in the corridor. upon landing i puked all over my face (thanks gravity) and made the assessment that i had been poisoned. i almost made it out the door before the security alarm went off, too. :(

spazboy Jul 20th, 2010 12:02 PM

I used to always stop at a convenience store on the way home from the pubs and pick up a few bags of pork rinds. The deep fried, salty, porous rubbish would then soak up all the grog in my belly and dehydrate me enough to make me vomit everywhere. Good times.

Tadao Jul 20th, 2010 04:29 PM


Originally Posted by Zomboid (Post 692573)
I genuinely miss when no one would give ZBF's threads even a bit of seriousness, and they always devolved into people flaming him.

Hopefully Dixie gets here soon.

Shyandquietguy Jul 20th, 2010 06:51 PM

I think I can practice self-gurgitation guys, I seen it all on youtube.

I swear I can do it. I can do a ping pong ball and a strwaberry and poop out the strawberry on command guys. Anyone ever thought of trying this out? I brush my teeth alot and every time I puke so that really helps.

Schimid Jul 25th, 2010 09:52 PM

i threw up on a carnival ride once

it was this big hollowed-out bear that spun around

i told my friends to stop but they didn't believe me

why didn't they believe me

The Leader Jul 25th, 2010 10:12 PM

The same thing happened to me once, except it was on a tire swing and I was ten.

Evil Robot Jul 25th, 2010 10:17 PM

you are all puke.

MLE Jul 25th, 2010 11:20 PM

One year, I went to my state fair (which in Maryland is pretty big), and was standing there watching the ride called the Zipper.

It was the general amusement of it at first, but then there was one scream, then another. Then some from the ground. Apparently during the ride, some kid on the ride had puked up absolutely everything he had in him while the ride was going on. First, the girl next to him screamed (Initially, I thought it would be funnier to say she might be his girlfriend, but then I realized it would be the most mortifying if it was his sister. I'm going to assume it was his sister). Next, a girl in another ride cage screamed. Apparently, his puked so much that it was flung out of his cage and into hers. After that, it apparently either dripped in front of someone or hit someone on the ground close to the ride, because that's when that screaming started.

By the way, after riding this ride, Chojin refused to go on any more fun rides for the rest of the day. Either this ride is really super scary, or he's a but of a wimp when talking about amusement park rides. I think this was a few years afterwards, so he didn't get to see the full glory of the puke story.

Chojin Jul 25th, 2010 11:43 PM

i went on a bunch of coasters at kings dominion, as well as one of those flippy pirate boat things. the zipper is still more terrifying, moreso because it's assembled by addicts and alcoholics with rubberbands.

o my puke story: i'm unreasonably healthy and haven't puked in a few years. i never drink so much that i'd vomit anymore, and i rarely drink. the only time i really remember vomit being of any consequence is when emily bought me this bottle of 90 proof rumplemintz and i drank the entire thing in the first 30 minutes of a party. i then did some awful karaoke and adjourned to the bathroom for the rest of the evening.

MLE Jul 25th, 2010 11:50 PM

Hahahahahahahahaha I remember that. You were gooooone. I still stayed with you in that bathroom for nearly half the night. I wonder where people went to the bathroom, considering that was the only one.

Sacks Jul 25th, 2010 11:55 PM

I've never puked because of alcohol, but one time when I went to go hang out with my brother when he was doing a school thing in Russia we all went drinking with this really rich English guy. He was pretty set on getting me wasted so he was buying us all beers and shots of vodka. After about 5 beers and 6 shots of vodka everyone decided it was best we leave. He went ahead and got everyone a shot of absinthe before we started our walk back to where we were staying. About 15-20 minutes after the shot, every person who was with me started vomiting at the EXACT SAME TIME all over the street. I decided that there was probably something wrong with the absinthe (and that I may look suspicious if I wasn't puking all over the street too) and forced myself. It felt pretty good afterward.

MLE Jul 25th, 2010 11:57 PM

Suddenly, I hear swan lake playing in the back of my mind.

kahljorn Jul 26th, 2010 01:37 AM


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