Protoclown's 2008 Movie Awards
 

Automatically generated comment thread for Protoclown's 2008 Movie Awards.

Lol midnight meat train, where did you find that lmao.

Great list indeed this year. Kudos to giving Hellboy II and Burn After Reading some more recognition, those were excellent films (and yet I keep running into people who hate them with a passion). I've come to peace with Indy IV, though it's presence will certainly never grace my DVD collection. Full agreement on Be Kind Rewind; it was trying really hard and I wanted to like it, but in the end it just wasn't meant to be.

And The Midnight Meat Train is freaking amazing (my favorite horror movie of 2008). The name drew me in, Vinnie Jones' unyielding stare sat me down, and that hammer pounded the shit out of me. Fantastic movie in every way (though it only barely made it into theaters, having been effectively raped by Lionsgate).

I would also like to note that I have seen (all the way through) Beer For My Horses. I would recommend that anyone wishing to actually enjoy it be at least 80% redneck.

How could anyone think Beverly Hills Chihuahua would be a good movie.
NOBODY EVEN LIKES CHIHUAHUAS! Their not even dogs, their just overgrown rats.

Great list; a few notes:

-I saw Rambo with my friend and Midnight Meat Train was one of the trailers. I whispered to him, "Wait 'til you see the title of this movie." When the title popped up, everyone in the almost sold out theater laughed.

-Gran Torino? Gran Torino wasn't brutal at all. The trailer made it appear that way, but it sure wasn't.

-Good call on Best Sequel and Biggest Disappointment.

-That Beer for My Horses movie comes on CMT like every day. Obviously I don't watch CMT, but i see it on the guide so often it's sick.

-Midnight Meat Train was pretty good, but I'm biased as I really like Ryuhei Kitamura. I caught it on FEARnet (or whatever) as we didn't even get it here, and we get almost everything.

I thought Be Kind Rewind wasn't that bad, not really super memorable but I did like it, more or less.

I didn't see Rambo in theaters, my roomate was watching it in our living room while I was playing cards with friends. I wasn't paying too much attention till I looked up and asked him with sudden interest. "Did that guy just explode into a pile of meat?" We all quit the game, made him restart the movie, glad we did.

And George Lucas... damn you George Lucas... damn you

electric_ninja: Amen to that. I don't know what's with people liking chihuahua's so much these days anyway. I find in it the greatest excuse possible to make a movie oriented towards the rich and obnoxious.

I firmly believe that Lucas sold his soul in order to get the original Star Wars trilogy made, and by the terms of that deal he must now serve Satan by making whatever movies he wants. It says something that the best Lucas movie of the last 25 years is Howard the Duck.

In the Most Horrific Abomination Committed to Film I'm sure that B.H.C. was complete drech. But everyone knew that from the poster and previews and sharp pain you get in your brain when you think about. Now Twilight is a complete abomination in its own sneaky clever way like Jerry McGuire. Twilight claims to be a movie about vampires and teenage angst, alright I can get behind that. But then all of a sudden you find out these vampires don't feed on people, enh, ok I guess i buy it. Then to top it all off...oh vampires CAN go out in the sun they just glitter. Glitter? What? NO! Vampires can't go out in the sun. I stormed home opened up Preacher shoved it in my girls face and said, "see, look...vampires burn, then fucking explode! They don't *glitter*". There is only one Day Walker that I want to see movies about.

my god.

i must see burn after reading. contrary to what you said, all my friends have seen it and they all like it.

Knowing you're the comic geek I was kinda hoping to see Punisher: Warzone to get at least a nomination. I still haven't seen the film (and probably will not until it gets a dvd release. apparently we Finns are too pussies to have it on theaters), but I've heard that Ray Stevenson and Dominic West do great job, and that the film has plenty of action and gore too.

Other than that I agree with the list, although I haven't heard of the midnight meat train until now.

I didn't see anyone else comment on this -- Incredible Hulk WAS NOT a sequel. It was not meant to be attached to the abomination that came before it in any way... this is the reason the movie did poorly, everyone thought it was a sequel, when it wasn't.

I found the trailer to Gran Turino HILARIOUS. It looked like Clint Eastwood is trying to prove he's not too old to do action movies, but the result caused him to play into a stereotype of the elderly: disgruntled geezer with a rifle muttering "Get off my lawn." I couldn't help but laugh, but then I realized I was the only one in the theater doing so.

In fact, I think a great new category for next time would be "Most Horrific Portrayal of a Stereotype in a Major Motion Picture." I had seen this particular trailer when seeing my semi-annual movie in a theater, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" on this occasion. Parts of this movie were filmed across the street from my apartment, and being made and set in city I hold so dear made me curious to see it. However, few things aggravate me to the core like horrible phony "Gone With the Wind" Southern accents; in addition to being a cultural insult it's also akin to hearing nails on a chalkboard. Could it have been so difficult to simply walk around and listen to how the locals talk, or better yet use them in the film? The short-lived show "K-Ville" was plagued with the same faked Southern accent. New Orleans has an accent similar to New York; a vast majority of people here are descended from Italian, Irish, and Jewish immigrants, it was the second largest port of entry into the US after Ellis Island. Alright, need to wrap up the rant, but I'm obviously irate about that. Anyhow, I doubt I even need to mention any more examples for the category; it's practically impossible to see movies without the use of token stereotypes.

I think the problem with be kind rewind is that for a movie that everyone was expecting (because of the premise) to be completely silly and out-there it was grounded with this rather depressing story about a small community that was falling apart at the hands of change. For every crazy movie remake they would make you'd be slapped in the face with some more really depressing plot just when you start to enjoy yourselves. It was billed as a wacky buddy comedy but was actually one of those depressing arthouse films. I enjoyed it a lot, I just didn't find it funny and I desperately WANTED it to be funny.

As for the X-files movie, I'll be honest in that I haven't seen it yet. The problem with this film is the HORRIBLE promotion (or lack there of) it recieved. I didn't even know the thing was in production and then poof! A few weeks before it is released these very "tv-movie" commericals start popping up for it. And when do they decide to release it? Between Iron Man and the Hulk of course. The poor film didn't have a chance.

I just watched Be Kind, Rewind ten minutes ago.

It was disappointing. All those choices were pretty spot on.

"Anyone who hadn't given up on X-Files when Mulder left probably has an unhealthy obsession with Gillian Anderson"

Guilty!

Thanks Doctor Who! I couldn't have said it better myself. The prequels sucked balls compared to the orig. three. Last Crusade was okay, but still not as good as the first two Indy movies. Haven't seen the Crystal Skull yet, but I might not need to from everything I've been hearing!

Also, who's excited for Howard the Duck to be on DVD? Yeah I am!

How can you nominate Bangkok Dangerous for Most Awesome Title and Stupidest Title?

because sometimes stupid things are awesome

I really enjoyed Be Kind Rewind. To me it was the story that was more compelling that the characters in it. Individually they're decent but being together is what mattered. I really enjoy Michael Gondry's movies but I wasn't expecting Be Kind Rewind to be the "Be all, end all" for movies. I was just expecting it to be good. I wasn't expecting the world out of Science of Sleep either and I enjoyed it. Maybe if I had it would be slightly disapointing to me.

You competely dropped the ball on Sequel No One Was Looking Forward To:

Nominee and Sure Winner The Pink Panther 2 with Steve Martin! A gross abomination and immoral debasement of everything Peter Sellers molded into hilarity... FOR THE SECOND TIME! I did it see this movie. I do not need to. I saw the trailers for it and its predecessor.

I need to see The Midnight Meat Train.

Midnight Meat Train was sadly an extremely uneventful movie if you ask me. The story just dragged on and it definitely should've been more, hmm... how would Proto put it... brutal! The best thing about it is the title.

Actually, Pink Panther 2 has a 2009 release, and given that these are 2008 awards, we can probably look forward to seeing it on the list *next* year. (Proto, take notes, please *laughs*)

I've got no argument with any of the choices, though I haven't seen hardly any of the movies on the lists. Still, I can whole heartedly agree with BHC. Why? Why on earth would they think this was a good idea? I think Disney is rolling in his cryogenic chamber.

I got dragged to see the new Mummy movie, on my birthday.

It was pretty good, even though I hated the previous two.

Always bagging on "The Spirit" man...

I don't understand all the nerd love for Hellboy 2. Maybe its because I saw it the same day(and after) I saw Dark Knight but honestly I thought the first one was better. I think Del Toro strayed to far from the comic roots and all the sitcom relationship crap was just awful. I just did not like this movie.

I'm still waiting for you to apologize for that Best Western joke last year.

Spot on.

Hmm.. Let me take my guess as to what 2009's "Worst Raping of a Classic Franchise" Oscar nominees will be:

G. I. Joe
Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen
Some Other Remake of a 30-minute Toy Commercial

i'd have to disagree with the most horrific abomination award, twilight was by far worse. if only for the brutal rape of all vampire lore etc... when in sunlight they burn they dont turn into ziggy fucking stardust.

Well, actually, greenimp, I believe that in the original novel for Dracula, Dracula is able to be in the sunlight, even though it doesn't really happen too often.

To be honest, I wish you'd mentioned "My Best Friend's Girlfriend" (an abomination that include the worst thing to hit "comedy"--Dane Cook) or "Everybody Wants to be Italian", an indie film that has absolutely nothing to do with its title, has generally unlikable characters, and tries in vein to be what "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" was...scratch that, I don't even think that the makers of that movie even put any effort into that film. They probably just got the actors and put them in what I think was supposed to be a cross between Baltimore and New York, and said "Okay, so you're two people who think the other is Italian!! Isn't that so funny?? And get this---we're only gonna mention or even do anything related to that plot point only twice in the entire movie!!!! IT'S BRILLIANCE EVEN YZMA COULDN'T EVEN THINK OF!!! And get this---you all play idiotic characters who don't even know what you're doing...so since you agreed to be in this movie, that shouldn't be too hard for you!!" BURN!!!

My correction--it was supposed to be Boston.

Odd: you do, of course realise, that by vampire lore im speaking REAL lore, not one book, vampires, traditionally, were not like dracula at all, but rather repulsive, bloating corpses, closer to zombies than vampires really, but intelligent, and could never walk around in the daylight, lest they burn up.

Folkloric vampires were supposedly hideous though, not hot sexy studs like <3 Edward Cullen <3

RaNkeri: please, for the love of god(s) and all that you hold dear, please, please please, dont make comments like your last one with a DP like that one, it scares me.

DP?

EDIT: never mind

i also am confused but am going to assume it means 'avatar' or something similar

yeah it does, "display picture" i've been using msn far too much

1. Frost/Nixon
2. Pineapple express
3. Sex Drive

:love willie

Good list especially giving honors to Hellboy 2 but I have to disagree with Burn after Reading.What a terrible movie that was, have'nt seen Be kind Rewind or Midnight Meat Train although I want to.Also really agree on Kung F Panda and The Happening alas I have made my peace on Indy 4 though

Be Kind Rewind had some awesome and highly creative visuals. In particular the snippets of documentary shown. What were you watching? Spot on about everything else though.

Aliens in an Indy movie, ya. Problem is that if I'm going to give heart ripping occultists and face melting ghosts a pass, I feel I must also give the aliens equal suspension of disbelief credit. Still sucked hard though.

THANK YOU for mentioning 4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days. It was an excellent film but no one I know's seen it. I was gonna give Burn After Reading a go too so I'll definitely try and get round to it now.

Have to agree 100% about Indy though. Those were my childhood movies and it was just so... lame. Kinda left me feeling really deflated. It just didn't feel right from the very start and I was actually willing it to be over about half way in but forced myself to sit through it because, well, it's Indy.

I have to disagree on that...
"432" - by it's shorter title variant - it's like being compromised to having sex with a trans gender close-obnoxious-relative. I am a romanian, and a nationalist to top it. But this was an absolute awful piece of film about the coercitive and alienating sub-enterprises requiered to side chain excessively punitive laws in a - dare you guess! - redblotted regime ( + some emotional pickles everyone seems to be fond of). But all of this ended more or less with the '89 revolution. And since then there have been numerous exploitations of this intrigue, or more appropriate: 'franchise'. This movie was just oriented towards production value - that's where all the credit goes... but in reality it's an insult to everyone, to me, and to (most) of my friends.

Don't forget to put Astro Boy as a nomination for the first category in the 2010 one.

Specifically: the Worst Raping of a Classic Franchise category.

Lets hope there is a 2010 Movie Awards article.... Proto?

you'll have to wait til 2011, since he usually doesn't do them until the year is out (notice how THIS article was posted in feb '09 and is for 2008)

Funny you should bring it up. His 2009 awards article just went live! Take a look:
http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/2009-movie-awards

Wow. Ask and ye shall receive.

damn - shoulda asked for cash.

As far as unappreciated Coen bros. films go, for my money they don't come any better than The Hudsucker Proxy. A 1950's Horatio Alger-esque story told as an urban fairy tale starring some of the coolest peple who ever lived.

Actually the aleins were speilbergs idea

Midnight meat train is a great movie but the ending struck me as dumb

X files: I want to believe was so unbelievably bad. Could be on of the worst high budget movies ever in my opinion, next to "Splice"