Impress me with your injuries.
 

The reason I thought of this is because I have one magnificent motherfucker of a bruise I incurred earlier today. I was walking fast and hit the sharp edge of a solid steel desk so hard that it moved the whole thing half a foot. :lol I got a sort of black and blue stripe across my thigh right away, but it's one of those that feels like someone implanted a baseball in your muscle. I look forward to all the new and exciting colors it will turn in the next week or so.

When I was a lot younger, I was running on a board sidewalk in the rain and slipped, falling on the side of my thigh. I had a giant bruise that went all the way from my hip to my knee.

Even younger than that, my mom decided to polish our dark-brown shower stall with lemon oil before I had a sleepover. We had hard water and the lemon oil temporarily disguised the scummy marks. So I took a shower, my feet flew out from under me, and I sprained my ankle so badly that I was in a cast for a month :\ That time, my leg all the way up to my knee was almost jet black.

I've also gone over the handlebars of a bike and skidded several feet on my face, scraping all the skin off my nose; slammed a door so hard on my finger that the fingertip burst from the impact and it looks a little wonky to this day, and fell down a hill behind a liquor store, landing full force with my knee on a broken glass bottle. I think I put pictures of that one up earlier.

I know that you've all done dumb shit. Your turn.

Years ago, I was having an argument with my sister in her room. At the end of it, I walked out, and she slammed the door on the tip of my middle finger. Cut the top quarter-inch almost completely off, and yanked the fingernail out. Not a fun time, but it was interesting watching the exposed flesh slowly dry up and fall away as the newer, thicker fingernail grew up under it.

attacked by dogs twice during my younger years-first time i was a toddler and the result left scars on my scalp and face; second time i was a couple years old i think, ear was halfway off or something like that but it was stitched back on

have a dent in the back of my skull from being dropped by my mother as a kid

scar on my left forearm is from when i dropped the glass lid off a piping hot pot on myself, and later when the dog wanted to play bit my arm and tore off the burned area and the layer of skin under it

other than that...not much, just a scar on my chest from moving old wood around that had jagged metal sticking out of it, and a small scar on the back of my head from shaving

i have a 3 inch scar in the palm of my hand a 6 inch scar in my left elbow and another one the same size on my left knee

here are the stories of thesse scars when i was like 5 years old i was sent to fetch a coke which at the time were still packed in glass bottles, long story short as soon as i got home i tripped with my shoe laces and landed right on the shattering bottle openning my my palm it kinda looks like scorpions hand looked in the first mk movie.

the one on my elbow was the result of a failed bike stunt that had to be fixed with the help of surgery, it was left unattended for like a week and they had to take a huge chunk of useless bone, i also had 3 surgical nails installed which were later removed along with the cast without the help of anestesia

the one on my knee pretty simple a car accident the issue about this one was that i had it stitched with no anestesia didn't really hurt but the nurses wouldn't let me watch how they were doing it.

i have really weird foggy memories about that one after we tumbled inside the car the only thing i remember was standing near the wrekage with a nosebleed then triying to walk and feeling pain then ripping my pants and looking at the injury

also my brother broke my right wrist i broke my right pinky toe that one is hilarious cause i was so bored at home that being a dumb kid i decided to take the cast of myself succeding of course and i broke my right index finger and now it cracks every time i press it with my thumb :lol

oh forgot about that time a dog bit my upper lip luckily it was the dog of a surgeon and he stitched me on the spot

I have one thats about 2 inches on the bottom right of my palm. Really stupid story. So anyways, I used to like to open beer bottles with a hatchet. My hatchet. It was a badass one given to me by my grandfather.

I was out with some friends around a campfire and a buddy of mine brought coronas. No one had a bottle opener so I borrowed my buddies $6 walmart hatchet, and picture me holding the backside of the hatchet blade where there it is just flat. Now, In my other hand, I'm putting the the beer bottle up against the blade, right under the cap, and I'm pulling the bottle down and pulling the hatchet away to pry off the cap, and this shitty hatchet shatters in my hand. So the hatchet has gotten out of the way, and I drag the bottle, which is still intact, down my hand, and the sharp edges of the bottle cap just scrape a huge strip of meat out. It sucked, especially since I serve tables, my hands are always dirty. Plus I piss and shit and don't wash them at work.

Here's a pic! Mmmm!

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y29...9-30162638.jpg

As you can see, I dragged the bottle down my hand so fast it skipped 3 times, leaving 4 nice little scars in a strait line.

I've also been shot in my leg from hanging around some really stupid ass old friends that I hadn't seen in along time. Apparently one of my best friends when I was in 1st and second grade was now a drug dealer and some kind of gang banger and someone shot his car up with me in it. I haven't talked to the guy since. I was 16.

The inside of my upper lip is completely fucked up but you can't tell except for a little tiny scar on the outside of my lip. I trashed a motorcycle when I was younger, skidded on my face, and my teeth went THROUGH my lip, I remember poking my tongue through it. I was really young, like 12 and I had no business on this bike, I definetely learned my lesson.

Also, this isn't a scar, but when I was a gay little kid I used to like roller blading, and I would go so fast and look so cool but one time I fell and put all my weight on my knee. My knee was black for a month and I still cannot feel anything in it. At all, it's completely numb on the outside. Kinda sucks but it's also kind of cool.

Because I was an exceedingly stupid child, I once thought at age 7 that it would be a good idea to jump off of one of one of the chairs at my grandmother's kitchen table. Instead of landing on the floor I managed to land face first on one of her stupid nicknacks: a large glass butter churn. I managed to shatter the thing resulting in multiple cuts to my face, neck, and hands, a large puddle of blood all over her expensive carpet (I know it was expensive because my grandmother kept screaming "RON, LOOK WHAT YOUR RETARDED LITTLE BASTARD IS DOING TO MY EXPENSIVE CARPET!"), my grandfather laughing and commenting that I had done my grandmother a favor by destroying "that stupid fucking thing," and had to be rushed to the hospital for fear that I might bleed out.

Another hilarious misadventure from my early childhood was when I grabbed the coiled metal knob on my parent's wood-burning stove after it had burning wood in it all day and managed to sear a red coil into the palm of my hand (Imagine Toht after getting that medallion burned into his hand, only about three years old with a gigantic head and a Super Mario Bros t-shirt). Normally after injuring themselves like that a child would immediately tell their parents, but I was so terrified since every visit to the doctor for me at that age involved blood tests and getting injections that I walked around all day with my right hand clenched into a tight fist until my dad eventually noticed and pried my hand open, saw the burn and dragged me kicking and screaming to the doctor's office.

When I was a baby I managed to fall out of a shopping cart in K-Mart when my parents were looking at something and managed to land on my head and get a concussion. To this day I still have a dent in my head and constant migraines. Also getting a concussion at that age probably explains a lot about my personality.

My other grandmother (the one that didn't refer to me as a "retarded little bastard") used to have a vicious teacup chihuahua. When I was about two years old I tried to eat some of his food out of his dish which ended with me getting mauled by it (seriously I was brutalized by a teacup chihuahua) and having to spend the rest of the day screaming as my grandfather swabbed my bite covered face with Mercurochrome (which makes an open wound burn like a car wreck in Russia) and sedated me with Whiskey (thus beginning my evolution into a functioning alcoholic).



I also managed to set myself on fire multiple times when I was a teenager, but that never really injured me other than causing a couple of scarred places on my leg where hair no longer grows.

A drunk driver hit my car causing us to then hit a tree. I have herniated lower discs and neck. These cause me to drink a lot for pain management. :/

I grabbed onto my friends car running along side it. My friend took it to 45 mph and I lost my grip and hit the pavement and curb multiple times. :/

The turtle van cut my left palm when I was 3 or 4 causing a deep cut where I still have a scar. :/

well maybe that'll teach you not to join any foots clans

I was trying to help by being April :(

well now you know what happens when women try to help :rolleyes

i tried to retrieve a 2yo kid's ball once when i was 10 from some himalayan blackberries

turns out the blackberries were on like a 60 degree slope. they had to cut them down to get me out. so much pain i threw up

:lol

i was walking behind some fat kid who was batting with an aluminum bat and he caught me in the side of the head with it. i had a lump there for maybe 10+ years, idk why it eventually went away. i actually was worried it'd be a problem when i started shaving my head, but it was thankfully not visible

i also once tried to slide down a smooth rock cliff on a trail when i was younger and caught my shoe on a crevice, then tumbled all the way down the hill. i was completely ok. similar story with skiing. i've never broken any bones or needed surgery, and the first time i was ever hospitalized was about 2 years ago for cellulitis in my leg (and it turns out all i needed was antibiotics). i almost never get sick and my constitution rating is 16.

Shattered tibia and distal fibula. There are pictures of it on here, as a matter of fact! Also, they had to remove screws because I was too skinny and they were messing with my skin. Soooo, two surgeries on that one, I think.

I have a scar on my nose. I fell face first into an edge of a table or something like that. I was 2 years old, so I don't remember anything about it. I just have to take my parents word for it.

When I was 18, our class took a field trip to some boring company and we had to stand and listen to this white-collar asshole brag about his business for what felt like hours. At some point I started feeling nauseous and I started running for the exit so I can throw up. Suddenly there were bright spots of light in my eyes and I blacked out. When I came to, all of my classmates were standing above me and asking me if I was allright. Thats when the pain started. I had fallen face first into a stone floor and one of my lower front teeth went through my lip. Theres a tiny scar to remind me of that wonderful day.

I'm an über-klutz, which is good, since I work with deadly chemicals for a living. Chemicals like ..... SODIUM FLUORIDE!

Anyhoo, hilarious misadventures from my past include setting myself on fire (2nd degree burns) dropping a beaker full of acid (resulting in the early demise of all of my clothing - now THAT was funny!) and hitting myself on purpose with a spanner - well, actually it was an accident, but that doesn't sound nearly as interesting. Expect my laboratory to self immolate any day now.

While in grad school I got a nasty whiff of fluorine gas - gave me the dry heaves for a week.

Let's see how long of a list of stupid shit I've done I can make.
When I was in third grade, I was biking to school and hit a rock, which stopped my bike on the spot somehow and slammed my face into the handlebar. I've still got a little dent on my top left cheekbone.
In fifth grade, I was biking around the neighborhood and my bike suddenly slipped out from under me and fell on top of me, so I was scraping along the fresh pavement. This was when my neighborhood decided they wanted to go with jagged pavement instead of smooth pavement, so it was like having a fucking cheese grater for roads. I left a little blood trail when my elbow and hip skin got torn off.
Apparently I crashed my stupid bike again not too long after that, but I can't remember it. My parents say it was pretty bad.
I was walking along the little cliffs in the woods near my house, and the ground broke off beneath me, so I tumbled down a rocky hill for twenty feet or so and blacked out. I woke up maybe ten minutes later, and my scalp was cut up a bit and I was covered in bruises. Didn't need any stitches, but I probably looked like a zombie when I was limping home.
I was in a metal fabrication class in high school, and a kid wasn't paying attention in the welding booth next to me, and had his torch pointed at me. He was using too much acetylene, and a jet of flame shot out and lit my shirt on fire. Had a few slight burns from that.
Another time in that class, I was assigned to pick up all the scrap, and a kid didn't tell me he just got done welding with a piece of metal. Literally melted the fingertips of my right hand; didn't have them for a few months.
Lastly, luckily I didn't actually get injured, but in the same class, I was using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch on a sheet of metal, and some kids were using a tablesaw perpendicular to my table. I don't know what happened, but the 2x4 they were cutting got caught, and then shot out, and whizzed by a foot in front of my face, hit the wall, and shattered into splinters. That thing almost took off my damn head....

I used to love welding class! Man, I think I saw one of those big ass acetylene tanks fall over like twice, and they never turned into wall-punching head-scooping rockets like my teacher always promised they would :(

fucking cock tease.

This one idiot in the class was welding and instead of slowly making perfect welds he would just use one hand and drag it around, and when this happens the rod will stick to the metal some times. So it's stuck to the metal and he's trying to shake the metal off by flinging it around and it's not coming off, so he smacks it up against the wall in frustration and a molten chunk of welding rod went down his TUCKED-IN shirt. It burned through but was stick stuck behind his apron. He had some gnarly scars but he deserved them.

My first job was bagging groceries, I used to ride my bike to and from work. This was a new bike so when I rode it I did everything to avoid curbs when riding on sidewalks to save the rims.(I know it is illegal to ride a bike on the sidewalk but what can I say, I'm hard core gangsta) Positioned near a curb I was avoiding was a stop sign that faced the parking lot of this bank, why there was a stop sign here telling people to stop before entering a major road from a parking lot, I will never know, but nonetheless, there it was. It just so happened that the edge of this stop sign was te exact same height as my forehead when sitting on my bike. It was dark outside, probably between 10-11 at night, so I did not see or remember said sign was there, so one second I was avoiding the curb, the next I was on my ass. I get up and am not sure how I got there. I notice my glasses are off of my face, and then I notice a dull pain on my forehead. I rub my forehead and now notice my hand is covered in blood. 25 or so stitches later I now have 2 scars that I can make up all sorts of stories about how I got them.

The story that I tell everyone about the scar on my hand is that I was nailing these two german bitches when their big ass husbands came in the room" One held me down while the other one tried to smash me with a big glass vase. I do one of those crazy bruce lee jump up things and go to block the vase and when it hits my hands it breaks but everything is fine and when I get home I slip with the knife while i'm cutting a potato.

Dude, my teacher went on about how God help us if one of those things got its top busted off, since it would fly around with enough force to punch straight through the cement walls and keep going. Whenever I saw one of those things fall over, I'd practically dive for cover, and he'd shout his head off at the poor bastard who did it.
Same with any backflashes into the acetylene tanks; according to our teacher, we had enough canisters to completely level the classroom, and take out a good chunk of the neighboring hallway. Whenever we heard that pop and whooshing noise, most of the class would bolt out of the room, and the teacher and I would sprint to the valves. Never saw an obese redneck run so fast in my life :lol
Couple more stories: About a year ago, I was crossing the street, and some lady was both looking the entirely wrong way while talking on her phone, and hit me. I rolled onto the windshield and fell back down when she braked, and when I got to the sidewalk she sped off. I had a bad-ass bruise on my left thigh, and I didn't even get her license plates.
Another time, in elementary school, I was biking home down a hill with my plastic foam lunchbox dangling from the handlebar. I guess I didn't realize what would happen if it got in wheel. Lunchbox did just that, and threw me straight over the handlebars and onto my back in the street. Probably lucky that I didn't break anything.

I have a slight scar under my left eye. I was really drunk and hanging out at a friend's house, petting his mean cat when he remarked to me "You know, cats don't have nipples". I told him that is very untrue, and he dared me to find them on his cat. So I looked and then grabbed one. Then put the cat's tail in my mouth to make it look like a sexual thing I guess and the cat turned around and just jumped on my head like a face hugging alien and in the process of pulling him off, his claw slid from the back of my head all the way to my nose just under my eye. I completely understood and empathized with the cat, as if I was a cat I would have done the same thing. The scratch healed up the side of my head, but left a scar under my eye so that I'll never forget never to put a cat's tail in my mouth as I tweak its nipple.

I have never been injured nothing can kill me.

lol cell phone. unstoppable

I approve of this thread.

My walking-into-a-solid-steel-desk bruise is now a long purple oval, with a black center and green edges, and a red line running down the middle of it.

Frankly I'm surprised that my incident with the stove didn't leave me with an "Uzumaki" style scar burned into the palm of my hand. I guess it wasn't a deep enough burn.

Yeah but you were probably such a badass that the knob has a scar from YOU.

I am not a badass and will never make the claim to be one. My reaction to getting burned by that thing, even for a child as young as I was, was something that would embarrass a newborn. My reaction to getting burned was to let out a scream that sounded like someone mixed the sounds of a live pig being dismembered, someone using the shifter in a car with no gear-oil, and a howling puppy in Garageband.

My feet are on here somewhere, maybe in the picture thread. I have lots of burns.

The day my parents got their first computer is forever burned in my memory because of the burn on my hand. We were at a party at my dad's family's house, and they were never too cautious with fireworks (my grandfather used to have the little kids hold roman candles). I was helping to clean up afterward and a bunch of sparklers were stuck hot-end-down in mud to cool them. I grabbed the one that was hot-end-up.

Dear God that was some hideous pain. I had an enormous blister that completely covered my palm and puffed out with the flesh of each finger (with creases for the joints, since they didn't touch the sparkler).

Anyway, I remember the computer store people got ice for my hand from their back room because I was still crying hours later, after my parents left the party to go buy their first computer.

When I worked in the ER, a German exchange student was lighting firecrackers with his host family and noticed, after he lit an M-80 or something like that, that a bee had landed on him. He freaked out about the bee and forgot the firecracker, and blew his fingers off.

Can you imagine having to make that phone call to his family in Germany?

They sent us post-op pictures, once they pieced a hand back together for him. I think they used one of his big toes for the thumb. It didn't look anything like a hand, but it looked better than the lump of hamburger he came in with.

I used to think fireworks were the best thing ever! Me and my friends used to sneak into the bathrooms of abandoned houses, convenience stores, malls, car dealerships, pretty much any place that had a public restroom and flush a couple of lit cherry bombs down the toilet before running out of the business and laughing our asses off. Checking back the next day usually yielded a blackened toilet (if the bomb didn't go down all the way), a waterlogged floor (if the bomb got into the pipe without going out), and if we were really lucky, we found a slightly chipped/broken toilet.

Firecrackers were an integral part of my childhood until about age 16 when I set my grandmother's and all her neighbor's backyards on fire with a roman candle. I tried to stomp out the initial small flames which caused my jeans to catch on fire, scorching my leg, and leaving me with a patch of skin that's slightly pink and lumpy and no longer grows hair. And that is how fireworks betrayed my trust and I had to cut them out of my life.

i just had a giant boil that was 1.5 cm from my anus, and rather painfully trans-versing my rectum lanced. it was painful. then i decided to start posting here again.

all anal injuries lead me back to i-mockery.

I've still got a puncture in my left eardrum from the steroid injections. I went swimming today, with a wax earplug, and was terrified if I dove and the plug came out, my ear drum would burst or something.

GEORGE

I wouldn't even try it. When I was a kid, I got an ear infection visiting my dad in florida from all the swimming and it didn't clear by the time I got on the plane to go home. At about 45 minutes into the flight, my eardrum burst and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. And I get ear infections every 5 months since then.

While you're telling stories, why not finish that one you started way back when? :lol

if you can find the thread i will finish that story. it really does have a great ending.

i am going to be on a lot now, and i am happy all the time now, and that means all my pent up stupidity and rage have to go somewhere.

I linked it in my last post George, but here it is in http form

http://www.i-mockery.com/forum/showt...php?t=69703440

ha. i am out of practice :) painkillers and a 2liter of MTD don't help much either.

Here is my list:
Scar under my bottom lip, from jumping on the bed. I fell off and cut it on the bed frame.
Fractured ribs and pelvis from a car accident ( a drunk ran a red light and t boned my ford escort) I also have scar under my left arm from the stiches because of the broken glass.
A few scars near my navel from having my tubes tied
Fractured my back when I was bucked off my horse, He also stepped on my left calf and its now 3'' larger than my right calf due to a large hemotoma scar, and hoof shaped dent on the shin bone.
I have another scar on my scalp near my left ear and left eyebrow. I was at work and helping with bust of a fighting cock ring. The cuts were from a very pissed off rooster flying at my head. I think there was seven stitches with that. I also have a few scars on my arms and hands from various dog bites (also work related) Only two of the bites required stitches though.
Right now I have some fading purple/yellow bruises, again caused by the horse. I was mucking out the stall my son comes around the barn chasing his friend playing nerf gun war. The one kid has an automatic nerf gun that is loud, it scared the horse whe decided to run me over. The bruises are 4 to 5'' round and on the hip, thigh and back of my knee. I look like hell. Scars on girls are not cool.

Back when I was in high school, I had a job at a bronze foundry. One day when using the table sander to smooth out the bottom of a piece, my fingers got a little to close and I had two fingernails ripped completely off.

Another time, back in high school, I showed up at a friends house and his little brother was trying to build a tree house out back. He was having trouble nailing in a floor support so I thought I would help him out. After getting it nailed in, I jumped out of the tree and landed right on top of a board with a nail sticking straight up. It pierced my shoe, entered my foot, and came out the top of both. After hopping around to the front porch with a 2x4 nailed to my foot, I attempted to pull it out myself, yeah probably not the best idea. Failing that I had to have my friends brother grab the board and yank the nail out that way, only slightly better idea than my first. once it was out, i removed my shoe to find it filled with blood and it just leaking out.

I think I told this story awhile ago ...

When I was 13 I fell 35+ feet from a tree. This was back before MRIs, PET scans, CAT scans and other non-invasive diagnostic tools. I needed exploratory surgery to determine what was wrong, and if it could be fixed. I wasn't expected to survive the process, yet somehow I did. My mementos from this blessed event includes 3 somewhat faded scars, one down my belly about 8 inches in length (the "exploratory"), one on the side where they located the drainage tube, and one on my neck from the tracheotomy.

I also lacerated my right arm severely when I was about 11, resulting in about 50 stitches.

Bah your post editing made my actual post moot, so instead I will say ouch Colonel

Sounds like a gnarly scar :eek

I didn't post this one early but last year I was riding my bike to work and It was just after I had my bike tuned up. I'm flying down this hill and for a split second I'm not paying attention and when I look forward again this bitch in a huge white truck has pulled right onto the sidewalk and it looking right at me.

Instead of slamming into it, like I should've done, I squeeze my FRONT brake like a moron. For those of you who have never done this, the front wheel stops on a dime, but the rest of the bike doesn't. I had to have been going like 25-30 mph down this hill, and I flipped, landing on my left shoulder as if I dived into a pool with no water.

It was one of the worst pains i had ever felt, going to the free clinic a week later because I was too stubborn to go immediately, I was told that my collar bone was fractured but looked like it was healing itself, and I tore the ligament between my collarbone and scapular (should bone). He told me it's called an "AC Tear" and that people can live with them after doing physical therapy. I was supposed to go to another doctor but I never did, it pops funny but all in all it's gotten ALOT better.

I have a piece of glass stuck in my foot after rockabilly pool party. Trying to get it out now.

4 gnarly scars, actually. But this happened 40 years ago - the scars have faded dramatically, to the point where one is nearly invisible.

i have scars from trying to kill myself

and one time a hose spout thing tried to eat my arm somehow when i was like seven. anyway it ripped some skin off ;/

oh yea and one time when i was on hells bells i thought i was walking on ground but apparantly i was walking on air and i fell off a bed :O
i was hallucinating so bad i thought that i was falling through floors and getting stuck in them :O

pretty much i dont have any cool injuries

I think I said this before but when I was 5 my brother cut my thumb off with a pair of scissors and they had to reattach it. There's just a railroad-track scar around the joint and every once in a while if I hit it on something just right it tinglehurts like hell.

The good that came of it, though, was that it gave me a way to tell left from right. My kindergarden teacher said "your right hand is the hand you use", and I'm left-handed, so I was fucked up from the beginning. When the doctor was doing the sutures I heard him say it was my right thumb so I was like "Oh, ok." To this day I sometimes look for the scar if I'm drawing a blank.

Oh yeah; I have some weird horizontal scars on my back; they're about six inches to a foot long, and deep enough that I can feel scar tissue beneath the skin. We have no idea how I got these at all.

My daughter's a lefty and it really pisses me off that they don't carry any gear for lefties. Hey, businesses, you're not targeting 10% of the population. >:

I once found a left-handed softball mitt that fit her hand. In K-mart. :eek

That was Freddy Krueger.

That's for sure. Except I couldn't use left-handed scissors for the longest time. The paper just bent. I got a good pair last year and it's the first time I've ever really been able to cut anything with lefties. I also skee-ball right handed. I'm very good at skee-ball.

I've currently got about a 2" scar at the corner of my forehead that is a "revision" of another scar. I had a halo brace (4 bolts in the skull) when I was 12, and one of my scars was looking more like a giant divot the older I got. They got in there with the original intention to just neaten it up, and found that I had this patch of scar tissue fusing my skin to my skull. So, as I mentioned here a couple of months ago, I got to sit there wide awake and only half-local-anesthetized (stuff doesn't take very well on me) as they laboriously peeled a scar off my skull and sutured me back up.

Thing is, the "revised" scar, so far, isn't much of an improvement. It's just a long dent instead of a round divot.

There goes my career as a supermodel.

Not really an injury (yet), but October of 2010, I pulled a cap off my molar with a caramel apple pop. The dentist said there'd need to be a root canal (sic?) done, but it could wait. Well, my tooth has been aching for a few weeks now, I could feel a pain under my gums above the tooth if I pressed it a bit, and now there's a big swollen lump under my gums above it. I keep imagining it's full of blood and rancid pus and it's going to pop open when I'm eating or something :(

5 years ago I forgot to turn the wheels under the bed inward and stubbed my toe.

When I was 5 I fell out of a top bunk and landed on my head.

When I was 6 I jumped off a rocking chair and hit my chin and upper lip on the hearth. I don't remember anything directly after that except watching "Puff The Magic Dragon" and "It's Magic Charlie Brown", but the lip scar suggests that it was torn in half vertically. I definitely had to get stitches. No hair will grow where my chin was cut...So beards look pretty stupid on me.

Three circular scars on back of head from chemical burns resulting from trying to bleach and dye hair the same day.

One scar on right wrist from being knocked out of a window by a big rubber ball while my hand was stuck in the cord to the blinds. I had it looped around and was holding onto it for balance. Although my feet were touching the ground once I was out of the window, I was still hanging from the wrist by that cord.

Scar on right hand from a fireworks "punk" lighter when I was 9.

Scar on right shin from gouging it with an ankle-level pole stuck in the ground near a PGE vault.

Amazing how fragile we are, with entire shows being made about stupid ways people have died- and yet this is all that most of us ever do to themselves.

Beards already look stupid on you.

..

I totally racked myself on the end of a railing today at a restaurant. Had I been a guy, I would still be rolling in the parking lot.

I was holding the baby, so everything on that side of my peripheral vision was blocked. A guy was holding the door for a long line of people, so I was trying to hurry it up. Just as I was thanking him and picking up speed, I slammed right into the end of the railing. The completely stationary, sharp-cornered metal end of the railing.

I sort of doubled over, but it's embarrassing, you know? Especially since a neighbor of mine worked there and was standing a few feet away. My immediate physical reaction was to puke and/or tear up, but I just sort of laughed it off and stumbled a few feet to a table and waited till the worst of the fresh-injury sensations passed.

An hour and a half later, it still hurts. It feels like it's going to be one of those deep, sickening bruises. I definitely felt the corner connect with bone, so that's always fun.

Well in a few months you'll be the proud mother of a baby railing :)

I bashed off the toenail on my small toe by running over a counter once. :tear




Did you live in a trailer park or the ghetto. That's just not right. :(

Forming a big black bruise at the site of the rail hit. Could still be in Hustler, though.

In the end, isn't that all anyone truly wants out of life?

The area I lived in was a combination of both.

Ghetto trailer park? I don't even want to think about such a thing existing.

There's one near Port Columbus Airport

I always thought "ghetto" and "trailer park" were synonymous.

There are several in Springfield.

welcome to maryland.

I have a scar on my cheek from when I got mugged three years ago. This dude pulled a boxcutter out and slashed my face after I gave him my wallet.

I was incredibly stoned when this happened so I wasn't actually sure it was real

I guess my recent exploit belongs in this thread. I was backing off my in-laws' front porch, preparing to leave, and I stepped on the edge of a piece of concrete. Lost my balance, put my other foot down to catch myself, ankle turned, heard a snap, down I went.

I brushed it off as a sprain but I heard from the doctor today that it's an avulsion fracture (the tendon, instead of tearing or ripping, just pulls free of its moorings, taking the bone it was attached to with it).

I wouldn't say I'm in a horrendous amount of pain and the swelling isn't that bad. More than anything, my ankle just has a floppy, unsteady feel to it, like I'm about to turn on it and sprain it at any moment.

tried walking some distance on the ankle today and now it hurts like a vicious mofo. It's actually throbbing and twitching with the pulse, which would be cool if it didn't hurt so damn much.

If that takes though laftys can become ambidextrous, which I can assure you from experience is a useful skill. It doesn't often work though :(

Didn't work on me.

I was just climbing a ladder barefoot and took a misstep, leaving my toenail as the only thing holding up 195 pounds of me. This lead to my toenail being ripped off and there's blood everywhere. I dunno if a toenail being pulled off is grounds to go to the hospital. I wrapped a paper towel around the toe really tightly, so hopefully it stops bleeding, but god is the blood seeping through the towel.

I have two scars on my face from trying to commit suicide by throwing my temple into a stairway while high on dxm :|

Koko...not sure, might warrant a visit to an urgent care center if it doesn't stop bleeding. I slammed my finger in a metal door once and not only burst open the tip but also had so much blood trapped under the fingernail that they had to drill a hole in it to let it out.

At any rate, feel better soon, toenail stuff sucks.

It's better now. The bleeding stopped for the most part. Just looks really bad. I can't find where the toenail went though, not that it matters. I appreciate the support of my fucked foot.

One time I masturbated so much that my dick got scabs.

For half a second I thought you said scabies instead of scabs

I have an ankle update. I called the ortho surgeon on Friday like I was supposed to and the assistant said he'd try to pull some strings to get me seen and that he would call me back at his convenience (his words). I guess his convenience didn't happen the rest of the day because I never heard back.

He also asked why I didn't have an MRI if it's a confirmed fracture and it was like, I don't fucking know, that wasn't my call, ok?

Meanwhile, my ankle is doing this clicking thing every time I step on it and there's now a big dent missing from the side of the ankle-bone that sticks out. That must be the place where the bone ripped off.

Sort of sore, but more of a weird unpleasant floppy feeling.

Mentioned this in the chat thread, but I seriously f-ed up both my knees doing something completely inane - crawling around for 2 hours on a tile floor looking for a small rubber ball. I thought I might need surgery the pain was so bad, but it turned out chiropractic care got me most of the way back.

I've been wearing only one knee brace about every other day for about a week now, and have been trying to do more "deep-knee-bends" to improve strength and flexibility, but it still hurts like hell. I'm probably headed for surgery at some point in the future, but I want to have it on my own terms, dammit, and not on my knee's terms.

@Kit - That loose and floppy feeling describes my ankles every blessed day. >: Having 51-year-old connective tissue sucks serious ass.

In college I stupidly tried to teach myself to write legibly with my left hand. (Practice did not make perfect, apparently. :() I can still do it, if push comes to shove, and I have incentive, as my daughter is a lefty. It's still pretty hard, though.

knee pain is horrible. I'm a bit of a pain-snob, and some of the worst pain I have ever experienced has been accidentally kneeling on a piece of gravel.

Never heard back from the ortho's office, so I'll start pestering them again tomorrow. We're now a week out from the fracture, and I don't want to get into the situation where I have to have a surgery to re-break it and set it right.

And, of course, the toddler nature class I've been waiting forever to secure a spot in starts tomorrow, and it's a two hour hike. Going to have to wrap the ankle and pray they don't do a steep or treacherous trail (how bad could it be with a group of toddlers, right?)

Not really an injury, but more of a medical update.
Been on diuretics for a few weeks now, to hopefully drain some fluid build-up in this sac behind my cochlea. I guess it's working, because I'm not having as many vertigo attacks. So this means they'll probably put a shunt in that sac, where they cut in behind my ear, rummage around, make an incision in that sac, and stick a tube in it.

i fell down and got banned :(

its not a good place to be guys

Put a banned-aid on it :rimshot

You could have gotten beaned.

Good idea, sapster. No telling what they might find....

I don't know if this counts as an injury, but back in 2001 I was chewing on one of those little tabs you use to open drinks, bending it with my mouth and shit, when I heard a crunch. Part of my tooth chipped off. I haven't fixed it since it makes me look funnier.

I JUST BIT MY TONGUE

IMPRESSED?

i broke my tooth and had to pull part of it out with a leatherman last weekend

OH FUCK NO

lousy azn trailmix with extra hard bits in it

I just bit my tongue while I was sneezing, and I sneezed all over the computer screen.

YOU JUST BEEN ONE-UPPED MY MAN.

jesus christ dude what the fuck

i ate pop corn earlier and every time i do that i get a chunk lodged between some teeth or between tooth&gum and it's irritating as hell and this time there's something lodged behind a fucking wisdom tooth goddammit

let me see your leatherman

i bit my tongue while sneezing and i bit the tip off and so i sneezed and sprayed blood all over my computer screen so what deal with it

I know man, it really hurt and plus I had to get up to find something to clean my screen with so it was also inconvenient.