A Brief History Of Valentine's Day
 

Automatically generated comment thread for A Brief History Of Valentine's Day.

So the Romans got to get bloody and we just give each other cards.

A fine lesson, sir. The moral is, I think: corporate bastards will exploit ancient pagan blood rituals to make money.

FAT NAKED FLYING BABIES.

Ah, Valentines day. Another pointless, money making, shitty holiday. Seriously, what is the point of it. How come it's always the dude's who have to get stuff for the girls (unless you're in a proper relationship, which lets face it, means the last thing on your mind is what to get on Valentines day).

Fuck it, I hate this holiday. I don't even get a day off from College to celebrate it (see: fuck like a rabbit all day).

Jesus wouldn't have wanted this. He really, really wouldn't. Probably.

What a coincedence this is. I had planned to slap my girlfriend around with a bloody animal carcass to celebrate the occasion anyhow! Now I don't have to feel weird about it!

VAlentine's Day, like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Grandparent's Day, Secetaries Day, and a bunch of other bullshit days, has been trumped up and largely invented by gift card companies to sell more useless shit by preying upon our feelings.

Fuck corporate holidays.

Trust Christianity to turn another Roman orgy festival into a day of giving cards.

You know that our federal government just created a new national holiday? "FAMILY DAY" has ostensibly been decreed in order to give the Canadian public one more day of the year to blow off their jobs and spend time at home with their loved ones.

Family Day.

I'm going to print this and read it aloud every Valentine's day. This is better than the "soldiers xmas" email that circulates every freakin year...

My wifes birthday is on the 12th so I pretty much get a free pass for V-Day.

Maybe we should all move to Saudi Arabia ...

from CNN: "Saudi Arabia has asked florists and gift shops to remove all red items until after Valentine's Day, calling the celebration of such a holiday a sin, local media reported Monday."

Apparently there is a lucrative black market in roses and candy hearts in Riyadh.

And here I am selling arms to African tribes.

Ah... so, to whip with bloody animal hide is a proper celebration?


That sucks, I got arrested for doing that last year. At least this year I've got a case!

The best part is I know for a fact the thing about the goat carcasses is true. It shows up in the "Julius Caesar" play that Shakespeare wrote.

On that note, I figure I'll just do what I did last year, namely to drink myself to a near deathlike state, much like many of my other friends. It doesn't help having a boyfriend who is currently on the other side of the country.

I did get him some candy, a gift, and a card though......

I've always hated this damn holiday even though every year I "celebrate" it like all the rest of the brainless masses. Which really means a chance for the wife and I to get out for a few hours without our kids. Personally I think it should be moved to September 12 and be celebrated by giving everyone the day off and having nude parades and giant roaming Roman orgies. For those wondering why September 12 it's Barry White's birthday and the man dedicated his life to getting people laid, he deserves this celebration.

Ever wonder what the sound of "laugh diarreah" is? My brother and I know.
Oh Max, your articles make the blistering cold outside your window tolerable.

I don't think the last three articles have been as funny as usual. :/

I always figured we would have more death rays, freeze rays, shrink rays, and 'Brown Note' generators by now.

Set your death rays to stun!
Cool Article Max!

Nick, the problem is that we arn't focusing on one at a time. were spreading our research efforts too thin.

More men should sign valentine's cards with "please try really hard to get your father to not chop off my head."