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-   -   I-Mockery Chat (Lube up those lips) (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8799)

Kitsa Apr 8th, 2010 01:04 PM

the bottles that came with our carbonation machine smell like chlorine.

Grislygus Apr 8th, 2010 02:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 679858)
So zhukov sent me this box of awesome in return for the case of payday bars I'm about to send him and I was looking for stuff from here to include. And I can't seem to find anything that wouldn't make him shake his head sadly at our society.

ALMOND JOYS, 100 GRAND BARS, MCMENAMINS DIJON MUSTARD, AND A VINTAGE ISSUE OF HUSTLER MAGAZINE

Grislygus Apr 8th, 2010 02:41 PM

AND A PACKAGE OF SALMON JERKY, FRESH FROM ALASKA

Kitsa Apr 8th, 2010 02:51 PM

I got him a bunch of stuff from cracker barrel, too.

Grislygus Apr 8th, 2010 02:56 PM

Fuck I want some salmon jerky now :( I'M NOT GONNA GET THAT SHIT IN CALIFORNIA, I CAN'T EVEN GET FRESH MUSSELS, AND OYSTERS ANYMORE >::(:(:(:(:( we're right next to the fucking OCEAN, why aren't there any decent seafood vendors in the area I AM DEPRIVED

Otto Apr 8th, 2010 02:56 PM

Canned boiled peanuts!

Kitsa Apr 8th, 2010 03:08 PM

they don't have salmon jerky or boiled peanuts in stores here, except at jungle jims, and if I go there I might as well send him a box of Australian groceries while I'm at it.

Otto Apr 8th, 2010 03:24 PM

Man, as much as I hate the state I live in, I couldn't imagine living somewhere that didn't have canned boiled peanuts readily available.

Tadao Apr 8th, 2010 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grislygus (Post 679977)
Fuck I want some salmon jerky now :( I'M NOT GONNA GET THAT SHIT IN CALIFORNIA, I CAN'T EVEN GET FRESH MUSSELS, AND OYSTERS ANYMORE >::(:(:(:(:( we're right next to the fucking OCEAN, why aren't there any decent seafood vendors in the area I AM DEPRIVED

S.F. buys it all before you can.

Grislygus Apr 8th, 2010 09:34 PM

THOSE TRENDY VEGAN SHITHEADS, I'LL KILL THEM

Colonel Flagg Apr 8th, 2010 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Otto (Post 679978)
Canned boiled peanuts!

We had a (recently retired) salesman who was originally from the deep south - he loved those slimy looking turdlets, but what really hit me was when he said "Are yew shore yew don' wan' sum BALD PENIS?"

I nearly crapped in my pants. :lol

DevilWearsPrada Apr 9th, 2010 03:57 AM

finally remembered the password for my email address and now i can post again

DevilWearsPrada Apr 9th, 2010 04:02 AM

What did I miss besides self congratulatory masturbation and shitty inside jokes?

Pub Lover Apr 9th, 2010 04:11 AM

Sam, don't call Fathom a number two. I'm trying to sleep, dammit. >:

executioneer Apr 9th, 2010 04:16 AM

it's been all re-runs, man. you gotta wait for the new season to come out

Sam Apr 9th, 2010 04:18 AM

HE'S A DEUCE.

THE DEUCE IS LOOSE.

Fathom Zero Apr 9th, 2010 04:20 AM

Dylan
OOOO BIG MAN
WITH THE CONKER
GO TO SLEEP
YOU'RE OLD

SAM
THE GREAT MIGHTY POO
I AM OLD BITCH
SHOW SOME RESPECT

Dylan
FUCK YOU, OLDIE

SAM
I AM 25 I AM OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MOTHER

Dylan
Man you are old
Jesus
Go to sleep
you don't want your back to give out

SAM
HAVE SOME MORE CAVIAR

Dylan
working the pussy 12 hours

SAM
HAVE SOME MORE CAVIAR
OH PLEASE
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW LITTLE DYLAN

Dylan
What do you do?
Lick stamps?

SAM
MY JOB CRUSHES LITTLE LADY BOYS LIKE YOU
DAILY

Dylan
With your big retarded tongue?

SAM
LITTLE LADY BOYS
NAMED DYLAN
REDUCED TO TEARS
WITH SKINT KNEES

Sam Apr 9th, 2010 04:21 AM

SUCK IT

Fathom Zero Apr 9th, 2010 04:23 AM

MAKE IT HAPP'N, CAP'N

Pub Lover Apr 9th, 2010 04:24 AM

Guys, I'm 50 fucking years old & I don't need this shit. >:

Fathom Zero Apr 9th, 2010 04:25 AM

It's like fifteen o' clock wherever you're at, you don't need sleep

Pub Lover Apr 9th, 2010 04:32 AM

19 o'clock. >:

That shit is late at my age. :(

Zhukov Apr 9th, 2010 06:34 AM

I was going to go to Japan late this year with a friend for a holiday, but I have changed my mind and now want to go to North Korea.

Now I have to trick my friend into thinking it is better somehow.

Kitsa Apr 9th, 2010 07:58 AM

Of course it is. Have fun with that.

I woke up wanting guacamole and I'm not quite sure why :/

Fathom Zero Apr 9th, 2010 12:45 PM

As long as you eat it with blue-corn tortilla chips, you're good.

Pub Lover Apr 9th, 2010 12:48 PM

:pagebrak

Zhukov Apr 9th, 2010 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 680038)
Of course it is. Have fun with that.

I'm thinking about just surprising him when we arrive.

Wiffles Apr 9th, 2010 03:04 PM

Ive read many things about North Korea, apparently the easiest way is through northern china first. you can "buy" a visa there or something. Great place, paradise utopia ^.^

Colonel Flagg Apr 9th, 2010 03:11 PM

Don't forget to carry a placard that says "Democracy NOW!" or "Impeach Kim!" or something. They love protesters there.

EDIT: Maybe you couild look up KulturKampf while you're there. ;)

Dimnos Apr 9th, 2010 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 680035)
I was going to go to Japan late this year with a friend for a holiday, but I have changed my mind and now want to go to North Korea.

Now I have to trick my friend into thinking it is better somehow.

Hot traffic girls. I bet thats the key.

Grislygus Apr 9th, 2010 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 680038)
I woke up wanting guacamole and I'm not quite sure why :/



PREGGERS AGAIRN

Kitsa Apr 9th, 2010 05:12 PM

I damn well better not be.

Dimnos Apr 9th, 2010 06:28 PM

When my wife was pregnant she had a constant craving for Chipotle. Now she cant stand the stuff. Im thinking about knocking her up again. :\

Kitsa Apr 9th, 2010 06:55 PM

I love chipotle, and I do have a buy one burrito get one free coupon (meal's still fucking $21 though after chips and drinks). Last time I went, though, all gastrointestinal hell broke loose. I think it was the sour cream :(

Terra Apr 9th, 2010 08:14 PM

I've never eaten at a Chipotles. We have one just the next block over from work. What's your favorite burrito?

kahljorn Apr 9th, 2010 08:28 PM

the too much rice burrito

Kitsa Apr 9th, 2010 09:34 PM

I get a vegetarian bowl with the fajita vegetables and the green salsa. Then I scoop it up with the chips. It's very yummy, but the sour cream is a bit of a bathroom roulette thing.

Wiffles Apr 9th, 2010 10:50 PM

Chipotle people are a bit sexist, size-ist. Esp the female servers. Ive seen them give big chipotles to guys, esp big ones. The size of babies. However they always give me a small chipotle, almost half the size of a normal one for the same money I payed. I can finish a big one too =/

Kitsa Apr 9th, 2010 10:55 PM

My serving sizes have always been more than I can usually deal with, especially when not pregnant. I was actually looking forward to not being pregnant this summer.

Now I want avocado and starbucks doubleshots. Perhaps I'm somehow malnourished.

Sam Apr 9th, 2010 11:44 PM

MALNOURISHED FROM THE PREGNANCY

Grislygus Apr 10th, 2010 12:03 AM

IT'LL BE TWINS THIS TIME

Sam Apr 10th, 2010 01:10 AM

THEY ARE GOING TO TEAR YOU IN HALFFFFFFFF

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 08:28 AM

I really doubt it. Anyway, there are other reasons that people crave things. I once knew someone with pica who ate sticks of chalk like candy.

Zhukov Apr 10th, 2010 11:49 AM

Wiffles I'd love to take you on a date to Pyongyang and watch you eat your fill on boiled grass and bark.

Wiffles Apr 10th, 2010 01:34 PM

well they dont serve those to tourists, strictly a local cuisine. but it would be ok to see how life is like for the masses, like sample their meals and work in their fields even for a day. to see the contrast compared to our lives

Colonel Flagg Apr 10th, 2010 01:43 PM

I drove to the emergency room last night 'cause I couldn't breathe without gagging.

I got better. :(

It's a bitch getting old.

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 02:09 PM

I'm glad you got better. It sucks not being able to breathe.

Epiglottitis or something?

10,000 Volt Ghost Apr 10th, 2010 02:45 PM

That sounds like a real bad cold.

Zhukov Apr 10th, 2010 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wiffles (Post 680135)
well they dont serve those to tourists, strictly a local cuisine.

:lol

Come with me Wiffles, we will elope to DPRK. I have a good working class background and will cook whatever I can find for you. Why try it for a day when we could spend the rest of our slightly shortened lives there?

Babs Apr 10th, 2010 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colonel Flagg (Post 680136)
I drove to the emergency room last night 'cause I couldn't breathe without gagging.

I got better. :(

It's a bitch getting old.

How are you doing now?

RaNkeri Apr 10th, 2010 05:51 PM

Miami Vice, fuck yeah

Esuohlim Apr 10th, 2010 06:27 PM

A TURKEY IN THE TENTH FRAME, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Bowled a 117 last night. Please, keep your seats during your applause

Esuohlim Apr 10th, 2010 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RaNkeri (Post 680146)
Miami Vice, fuck yeah

How would you like a MONTH-LONG BAN for each instance you've posted this? (HINT: IT WOULD BE A 13-MONTH BAN)

Fathom Zero Apr 10th, 2010 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Esuohlim (Post 680147)
A TURKEY IN THE TENTH FRAME, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Bowled a 117 last night. Please, keep your seats during your applause

:rock

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 06:56 PM

My dad just gave me a lesson on Japan before, during, and after ww2 and why things are like they are with his generation of Asians. Fucking wow.

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 07:14 PM

I'm sincerely beginning to wonder if the asshat rednecks on either side of us are actively trying to run us out. I mean, we've had arrows fired into our yard, car repair done on the fucking front lawn, and the guy on one side deliberately tries to goad my dog into going nuts by setting his two little yappers after her. Then he stands there and watches like it's an entertaining TV show.

This morning he climbed the freeway wall and hung a damn flag on a metal pole on top of the wall. There's nothing really keeping it from flying off. Someone on the freeway's going to get killed.

This place would be great if it weren't for the damned idiot rednecks.

MarioRPG Apr 10th, 2010 09:37 PM

Well, if they haven't invited you along for a cross burning, that's an indicator too...

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 09:48 PM

considering that I didn't think to hide the manischewitz boxes and kedem bottles in the recycle bin after passover, I think we'd probably have a front row seat to any cross burning they decided to throw :/

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 09:52 PM

Kitty Kat, we have all told you to move the fuck out of hicksville. Your right to bitch is now revoked. :tear

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:03 PM

Mom just measured. 17 inches of full luscious black Japanese hair is going out to cancer baldies soon.

Colonel Flagg Apr 10th, 2010 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 680163)
Mom just measured. 17 inches of full luscious black Japanese hair is going out to cancer baldies soon.

Good for you. :)

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:05 PM

I wish I could hug a cancer ridden kid as they get my awesome hair placed on their little shiny dome.

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:06 PM

stupid dying kids

Colonel Flagg Apr 10th, 2010 10:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 680138)
I'm glad you got better. It sucks not being able to breathe.

Epiglottitis or something?

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 680140)
That sounds like a real bad cold.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babs (Post 680143)
How are you doing now?

Thanks for the well-wishes. :)

After getting some much needed z's I'm feeling pretty good. Actually I never really felt BAD either, except for the whole not-being-able-to-breathe thing.

@kit & 10K - The Doc called it uvulitis and pharyngitis, which is to say he saw swelling in both areas of the throat. Not a strep infection, but to be on the safe side they put me on Amox, then for the swelling Prednisone.

@babs - It took about 12 hours, but eventually the swelling went down to where it felt almost normal.

Now I need to rest my voice so I can talk normally again. Everyone around me will be very pleased - I have been accused of not being very subtle in the volume department. :\

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 10:34 PM

cant move, too many extenuating circumstances. What I want is for THEM to move back to whatever oilpan-dumping, teeth-optional hellhole they came from >:

Emu Apr 10th, 2010 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 680165)
I wish I could hug a cancer ridden kid as they get my awesome hair placed on their little shiny dome.

What's stopping you?

Colonel Flagg Apr 10th, 2010 10:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitsa (Post 680172)
What I want is for THEM to move back to whatever oilpan-dumping, teeth-optional hellhole they came from >:

Unfortunately, "I was here first" doesn't work, :(

Here's a thought. Start a blog called "the worlds worst neighbors" and post pictures and videos of them doing really stupid crap. If it gets real popular, it could provide a separate source of income for you. The bonus - if they are as redneck as you say, they're unlikely to ever realize it exists, so they'll keep giving you new material.

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 10:48 PM

yes, but if they did find out, I'd get sued the next time they needed beer money.

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:52 PM

My hairs in the mail and I look like a nazi. :O

Kitsa Apr 10th, 2010 10:53 PM

an azn nazi, that's something I'd like to see

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:54 PM

Miso Soup Nazi

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 10:59 PM

I look like a grey. :(


Fathom Zero Apr 10th, 2010 11:01 PM

BFFT WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA :lol

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 11:03 PM

Best Friend for Today?

Tadao Apr 10th, 2010 11:04 PM

:(

The Leader Apr 10th, 2010 11:10 PM

Holy fuck.

The Leader Apr 10th, 2010 11:11 PM

There's a dog in that picture.

WhiteRat Apr 10th, 2010 11:40 PM

I'm going to take an extremely hot shower while drinking an ice cold beer.

UPDATES COMING SOON

Pub Lover Apr 11th, 2010 12:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 680133)
Wiffles I'd love to take you on a date to Pyongyang and watch you eat your fill on boiled grass and bark.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zhukov (Post 680141)
Come with me Wiffles, we will elope to DPRK. I have a good working class background and will cook whatever I can find for you. Why try it for a day when we could spend the rest of our slightly shortened lives there?

Tasmanians are so charming. :love

Pub Lover Apr 11th, 2010 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 680183)
I look like a grey. :(


Take it off! :orgasm

Grislygus Apr 11th, 2010 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiteRat (Post 680189)
I'm going to take an extremely hot shower while drinking an ice cold beer.

UPDATES COMING SOON

I know I've done that before but I was too drunk to notice that it might be unusual

Grislygus Apr 11th, 2010 12:17 AM

Tadao, my friend; You have Olive Oyl's arms.

Tadao Apr 11th, 2010 12:27 AM

OH POPEYE! :love

Grislygus Apr 11th, 2010 12:41 AM

WHERESMA GAWDDAMN SPINACH

I AIN'T GOIN FOR NO REHAB

Terra Apr 11th, 2010 12:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 680183)
I look like a grey. :(



Oh snap. Even your dog is abandoning ship.

Cute face though. One I want to pee on. :D

Guitar Woman Apr 11th, 2010 12:55 AM

He's got that "Aging Rockstar" quality about him.

Tadao Apr 11th, 2010 01:10 AM

HAH! GW actually found humor!

Guitar Woman Apr 11th, 2010 01:22 AM

I don't post on this website enough these days.

Hey guys.

captain516 Apr 11th, 2010 01:23 AM

Heh. Nice.

Fathom Zero Apr 11th, 2010 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tadao (Post 680185)
Best Friend for Today?

bfft is the sound of laugh that's trying to escape, while you're trying to hold your mouth closed.

Fathom Zero Apr 11th, 2010 01:56 AM

Man that one picture of Grace Jones is hot, even if every other picture of her looks mean and scary.

Tadao Apr 11th, 2010 02:09 AM

One man! Controls the stallion
Two men! Can tame the stallion
Three men! Can harness the stallion

Tadao Apr 11th, 2010 02:11 AM

I AM THE STALLION MANG

Guitar Woman Apr 11th, 2010 02:18 AM

Woah, dude, he's The Stallion!

Dude! He's The Stallion!

Tadao Apr 11th, 2010 02:29 AM

Look out you son of a bitch
Goddamn motherfucker
Do you know who you're fucking with?

You're fucking with the stallion, mang.
You're fucking with the goddamn, mang.
You're fucking with the stallion, mang.

Goddamn piece of shit.
On my dick you should sit.
Do you know who you're fucking with?

Prancing stallion. Oh ho handsome. Prancing on the grass.

I'm the fucking stallion, mang.
The stallion.
I'm the fucking stallion, mang.
The stallion.
I am the stallion, mang.
You get it?
I am the stallion, mang.
You get it?

You see the damn stallion, mang?
You goddamn son of a bitch.
You fucking piece of shit.


Goddamn son of a bitch.
Goddamn piece of shit.

Now it's clear, I can see stallion.
Yes, I too can struggle with the stallion.


Grislygus Apr 11th, 2010 02:59 AM

BOW DOWN BEFORE THE GOD OF DRAWINGS, WEAK AND PITIFUL MORTALS




Babs Apr 11th, 2010 05:29 AM

I AM THREE MEN

p.s. Please read my weekly review in the music column and give your intake. BE LIKE TRU N SHIT.

DevilWearsPrada Apr 11th, 2010 09:32 AM

hey guys look at my shitty drawings made with a ballpoint pen, some idiot out there will probably buy these!

Guitar Woman Apr 11th, 2010 10:18 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w--SG...eature=popular

Pub Lover Apr 11th, 2010 10:33 AM

Oh. well that is a thin hope with nothing backing it up. I don't know why you accepted it as you're so disparaging of my unrealistic assertions.


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