CRIMEBEAT
while i technicially live in a city of sorts, this is a low population area. they print a local paper weekly, but there's barely enough to talk about to fill even a few pages so they print fun things like the arrest reports and anything someone decides to complain to the cops about. there's always at least one blurb a week that captures my imagination. maybe i will post them here in the future :o
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How descriptive. Someone at the paper is having fun with those.
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"arranged his DVD collection into a phallic shape", hahah
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Awesome. Reminds me of my local paper.
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I see the beige slipper bandit is still at it. Stealing people's medication and then leaving a beige slipper at the scene.
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that fools gonna be fucked when they arrest him at the end of home alone
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What are we at now, like home alone 5? Does it even go straight to dvd anymore, or is it an abc television special?
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This is the best thread in a while.
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Yes it is, I need to green pickle it.
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I can't have anything like this since I live in San Antonio and that shit would be like a collector's edition Sports Illustrated every week. With Mexicans, CRIME DOESN'T NOT PAY.
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I've been to San Antonio and there truly are more mexicans there than I think mexico has. Did they flock there just because the name sounded comforting?
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They're here because they've already lowered the property value of everything else to the south.
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better than fuckin wops am i right??????
also i love crime reports |
Are you just using this to show off your own bizarre crimes?
Training attack goats and egging cars i see right through you! |
I'm actually pretty impressed that you put on a wig and dress to do two of the crimes.
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i just like the shoes on the fan
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come home, turn on the fan, KICKED IN THE FACE
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A guy up the street from me just stripped butt naked except for a steak knife. He went door to door until an elderly woman answered and her stabbed he to death. I used to see the woman he killed all the time when I get breakfast at the deli.
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Also I found a bullet hole in the lower right quarter panel of my porsche. Its strange because I havent driven it in over a month.
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this uppity dyke my ex used to know flipped off some dude on the freeway who pulled out a gun and shot holes in her car... and ass
dunno if thats a true story but its funny either way |
Our paper is always just full of drug deal shootings or small-town politicians who can't control their dicks appropriately.
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Front page of today's paper tells of a pizza delivery guy being robbed at knife point of "nearly $200 worth of mixed spirits".
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whoa that's my kind of pizza party
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In Tasmania, you order booze and they ask you if you want a side order of pizza with that.
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