This one homeless guy told me he hadn't had a bite in three days...

Then I kind of forget what happened.


The next thing I remember is getting kicked out of this Guatamalen whore house? And all I'm wearing is a washed out "Fonzy" T-shirt...

It's... like, a caricature of him? And he's got his thumb up? And underneath him it says "Aaaaaayyyyy!!!"

And I'm like, "Where the fuck is the American Consulate"?

And the guy who threw me out yells something at me, but I don't speak Spanish.

he asked if you spoke english >:

If you're going to steal a joke from weird al (although he likely stole it from someone too) follow through.

SO I TOOK A BIG BITE OUT OF HIS JUGULAR AND WAS LIKE 'YOU GET IT'?

the difference is that max is entertaining, whereas that was morbidly retarded.

Wierd Al is referenicing the Henney Youngman joke, "So I bit him".

I am referencing the jokes structure on the assumption that the joke is so well known at this point to be public domain. The reader is encouraged to expect the punchline they know and begin to experience disapointment over a hackneyed joke being told as if it's new. As they experience peaks, they realize the expectation has been thwarted. Then the anticiapted some alternate punchline (see Wierd Al) and again, expectation is thwarted as there is no punchline, depsite the seeming structural requirement called for by the opening line.

Thwarted expcttions are one of the principle psychological pillars on which comedy rests.

The way I spell you'd think I was drunk. In fact, I'm merely dyslexic and careless.

Was the whorehouse IN Guatamala or merely staffed by women of Guatamalen decent? This is important in my understanding of the joke. Thx.

It has nothing to do with the Cisco I'm sure.

http://xenafan.com/zorak/sounds/bit_him.wav

Oh my God, Ziggy, bless you for a saint! I think the Brak is one of the funniest voice characters ever!

we keep our homeless well hidden, i suppose. i've never had anyone in my town ask me for charity.

Anybody who is homeless by CHOICE instead of circumstances deserves a swift kick to the face.

Especially if they have the nerve to ask you for money.

i usually try to make some turkey sandwiches around easter, christmas n thanksgiving to share with the few homeless people i see alot, and around christmas when i'm driving i try and take around 50 bucks in 5 dollar bills and hand them to the guys on the corners on my drive home..............but alot of times i forget to do this



plus vegas has a SLEW of people that make like 200-300 dollars on the off ramps a fricking day. Damn fake bums.

Lately the best part is these two hippie GD rejects that work the corner next to my girlfriends workplace, they keep claiming that the hotel 'stole their stuff' but they still have an amp and a guitar the guy plays while the girl twirls around ala' Woodstock.

Makes me wanna crank some Nine Inch Nails.

Pssst! Look in the big boxes.

Not asking for money would make the whole homeless ruse a bit of a waste of time, n'est-ce pas?

I think if they are homeless by choice they deserve our support even more.

But instead of money, I would give them food.

Many buddhists become wandering ascetics when they are old. In Asian countries, people don't have a problem giving them some food because they believe it is right to support others in their spiritual journey.

You don't see anything like that in America though because everybody is self centered. In the US, spirituality is at an all time low. In a way, I blame the way Christianity is taught here for that. It's more of a self-centered personal salvation kind of garbage religion.

I sometimes give money, sometimes not.. I can tell you I don't give money to people who push their stories too much, or are way too eager to share them for sympathy. I don't however presume to pas moral judgement on people asking for money. I don't care for their life story, and if it's 'justified' to ask for money because of it. It's frankly none of my business. Just 'cause they ask for something doesn't mean you have the right to get in their face about 'what they're going to do with it' and if they deserve it. I think that's really horrible. A buck isn't the price of admission into someone's head.

a lot of homeless people want to be heard, though...and they don't mind sharing their stories if you ask them nicely and treat them like humans and not junk on the street.

this one guy named bob used to collect all the beer cans that people threw away before baseball games. he was super nice. he didn't say much as to how he ended up homeless, but he told me that he was originally from west virginia and that he makes enough off of his cans to feed the pigeons peanuts once a week.

another guy flat out told me it was crack that made him lose everything. he was in tears and showed me his cut up feet from not having a decent pair of shoes (he sold his good pair for crack). i gave him some packages of oatmeal that i had brought with me for breakfast and a half pack of smokes.

oh and one time i was on my way to a bar and sleeping in the doorway of a storefront was this really nice homeless man who used to come into the bar and watch the news and have a glass of water in the summer (it's a bar i worked at). i had my last $10 on me and i was drunk and i gave the ten to him instead of spending it on another drink that i really didn't need. he woke up as i stuffed the bill into his hand and he called me an angel. he lost everything a long time ago and always swore that he couldn't remember what happened to him, but you could tell that he really just didn't want to talk about it.

there are nice bums like that and there are really nasty chav* scumbags who ask you for money at the takeaway (just as they are buying something themselves) and shout obsenities at you if you refuse.

*refer to http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

Judaism teaches that begging someone else for food when you are able earn it yourself is to eat the "bread of shame". How could anyone not feel embarrased eating at a soup kitchen if they didn't really need to? Every bite that someone who is homeless by choice takes could have gone to someone who is homeless by circumstance.

You're actually comparing a bunch of selfish hippies to Buddhist ascetics? Please don't insult the Buddhists!

I'm more than happy to give money to someome who really needs it. But if some lazy prick is begging me for money that could be better used to help a person who really needs it, they can go fuck themselves. I don't intend to demand the life story of every person who asks, but if they clearly aren't really poor...well...
Its too bad I wasn't there. I could have maybe made some tire sandals like they do in India and gave them to him.

That was like the time we got drunk in washington square park and went down in the subway where we discovered a sleeping jamacan. We had lighter fluid (from setting signs on fire) and we doused him. He was looking for tires on the internet.

We are all fools who are equalized by death.

. . . thou shalt lie down
with patriarchs of the infant world--with kings,
the powerful of the earth--the wise, the good,
fair forms, and hoary seers of ages past,
all in one mighty sepulchre.

we have this town homeless guy named Kevin. He's a very odd character who always talks about government conspiracies and the like ( he once told me they put microphones in cable boxes to record what you're saying ). He became homeless because his he kept his dead father in a bathtub to collect checks from the government. Once a neighbor complained about the smell, he was sent to a mental hospital for a few months and they let him go. He had nowhere to stay, so he wondered the streets. He's a nice guy though and apparently he lives with someone on and off now.