Does this suck?
 

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1298434

Could I get some feedback on this please? Personally, I think it sucks, but an supposedly, I'm my own worst critic.

I'm not done, but you consitently switch tenses. From he did, to he is doing, within the same story is confusing and poor writing.

I shall remember that in the future...

It might have been in the odd way I wrote it, as well. I already wrote the whole thing, but thought I could do better, so went about revising it. However, I copy-pasted bits I thought were already good out of the first version into the newer version. Stupid lazy me.

There were misspellings. Edwin looked up, Edwin sat up, Edwin stared at the wall, Edwin wants to be called He for a change. PROOFREAD!!!

:lol @ irony