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MockBot Jan 24th, 2008 06:12 AM

Tattoo Assassins
Automatically generated comment thread for Tattoo Assassins.

plooker Jan 24th, 2008 06:31 AM

Wow, makes Pit Fighter look good. Never thought I'd say those words.

Icculus Jan 24th, 2008 10:42 AM

Why did I waste all my time on an accounting degree...My guidance counselor never told me about the career path of the Cyber-Mercenary.

"the few, the pale, the cyber-mercenaries"

Angryhydralisk Jan 24th, 2008 01:40 PM

This is like the Action 52 of fighting games or something. Still the video with all the fatalities made me laugh.

PeanutBoy Jan 24th, 2008 02:41 PM

I got only one thing to say.


executioneer Jan 24th, 2008 02:46 PM

i wish this game had been finished, it looks like a hoot

i don't suppose there's anyone with the resources AND interest to do it now, though

MetalSlime Jan 24th, 2008 03:29 PM

I actually have an old issue of EGM² with an arcticle on this game where they show all the characters and their moves. I didn't know the game never came out, lol.

Dr. Boogie Jan 24th, 2008 03:32 PM


Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 527107)
i wish this game had been finished, it looks like a hoot

i don't suppose there's anyone with the resources AND interest to do it now, though

What's out there right now is more or less finished in terms of gameplay. They just needed another pass to add/fix the graphics, and introduce some AI to the game.

Max Radical Jan 24th, 2008 04:19 PM

There's a terrific (as in "creates terror") view inside the creation of Tattoo Assassins here, where if you scroll down the page you've got the story told from one of the programmers. It sounds pretty harsh, which means it's damn funny since it didn't happen to us. The idea that people not only created this game, but endured pain and suffering to do so is tragic.

Jaimas Jan 24th, 2008 05:05 PM

AC Current causes one quote to come to mind:

executioneer Jan 24th, 2008 05:09 PM


Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie (Post 527120)
What's out there right now is more or less finished in terms of gameplay. They just needed another pass to add/fix the graphics, and introduce some AI to the game.

well yeah, that was what i meant sort of

Spruce Moose Jan 24th, 2008 05:49 PM

I've seen write ups on this before, but I didn't realize how close they were to finishing. Good shit, Boogie.

Pentegarn Jan 24th, 2008 06:04 PM

I admire your guts sir.

I couldn't possibly endure what you endured to make this article happen. I would have just cried at looking at the intro and thinking that I had to play it.

JJ the Jetplane Jan 24th, 2008 07:00 PM

In the fatality video, abbout five minutes in, does anybody have any idea what they were thinking when they made the bird tattoo take an acidic crap on the opponent?

Dr. Boogie Jan 24th, 2008 07:39 PM


Originally Posted by JJ the Jetplane (Post 527225)
In the fatality video, abbout five minutes in, does anybody have any idea what they were thinking when they made the bird tattoo take an acidic crap on the opponent?


"Ugh. It's 3am, I've been working for the past 11 hours, and I need to come up with some more fatalities. Okay... a bird. It eats a guy, it claws a guy, it craps on a guy, it pecks a guy... ok, that's four right there. 200 to go..."

thecatillaccat Jan 24th, 2008 07:52 PM

So...my guess would be that they spent most of thier time creating 2000+ half-assed fatalities, rather than pouring any talent into the rest of the development?

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 24th, 2008 10:13 PM


And, I thought War Gods had stupid character concepts.

And, the graphics are really horrible. I guess the MK games are the only decent games to use digitized actors.

Anyway, thank you Dr. Boogie for writing this article. It was hilarious and serves as a guide of how not to make a fighting game (which is useful since I am actually making one).

Tom Foolery Jan 24th, 2008 11:04 PM

It's like Mortal Kombat and Pit Fighter had a bastard, crack baby, love child! Nothing smites a vanquished foe more than excreting a self-replicating bouncing turkey plater at them from one's backside.

Autrach Sejanoz Jan 24th, 2008 11:27 PM

This reminds me of another craptacular fighting game called Thrill Kill. If you're reading this Dr.Boogie, that game is in desperate need of an article(or at least a weekly review).

drav Jan 25th, 2008 12:25 AM

If anyone actually cares newer versions of MAME fix the ending screen glitch this is what Karla ending is supposed to look like.

I don't think they would have had any copyright issues calling it DISNEYLAND TODAY do you?

Brunbb Jan 25th, 2008 01:47 AM


Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie
If it's not supposed to be, I'm sure some writer must've cried himself to slip every day for the rest of the 1990s.

He probably cried himself to sleep too.

Mintrude Jan 25th, 2008 11:18 AM

Oh man. I had to stop reading halfway through because I was laughing so hard and my mum was looking at me like I was mental.

Shironu-Akaineko Jan 25th, 2008 08:09 PM

okay, lemme try to categorize theses.
-There's the gory Fatalities;
-the animalities;
-the reversed animalities (turns the other player into an animal);
-The nudalities;
-the dressalities;
-and the whatthebloodyfuckisthisalities.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jan 25th, 2008 08:21 PM

I'd buy a copy of Disneyland Today to frame it but I don't think I can spare the 50 Koldaks.

Uroboros Jan 26th, 2008 11:41 AM

On the Tattoo Assassins website that Max Radical linked to, a game tester for the game mentions the diarrhea move:

I remember that there was a very damaging move: up, right, up, right, up, right, up, right while holding block, then press punch. Your character would then turn around and fire acidic diarrhea at your opponent. If you got hit by it, say good-bye to 25% of your health.

If you get that to work, throw up a screenshot for us!

Ashmodai Jan 26th, 2008 12:05 PM

I feel kind of sad that the first thing I thought of when I read AC Current's name was the fact that it is redundant. Gotta get outta the lab.

Qwarx Jan 26th, 2008 06:08 PM

I can't believe they have all those fatalities. I bet thats most of the programming.

Hangie Jan 26th, 2008 10:39 PM

Did I miss why in the charectar intros they all have grey circles on their hands?

executioneer Jan 26th, 2008 11:13 PM

that's the "MORPH TATTOO" mentioned previous

you get to pick one of three specials after you pick a character

Dr. Boogie Jan 27th, 2008 01:29 AM

I don't know what that tester thinks he remembers, but that button combination didn't work, putting aside the fact that he said "right" instead of back or forward, and he didn't specify which punch.

Entreri21 Jan 28th, 2008 12:02 AM

I like how one of Luke's fatalities is basically just shiv'ing a guy. No frills, just a prison-made "knife" to the gut...

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 28th, 2008 02:21 AM

I just realized that "Billy Two Moons" is probably a take-off of Billy Jack!

Dr. Boogie Jan 28th, 2008 12:12 PM

Because they both start with Billy?

gingerninja Jan 28th, 2008 12:22 PM

So you didn't like the digitized actors in Mortal Kombat? I always figured that waswhat made it so popular, aside from the fatality and blood.
Anyway, great article. Where can we find the rom?

Dr. Boogie Jan 28th, 2008 02:08 PM

The digitized actors were entertaining because they were so corny, and you knew that one guy played all the ninjas.

What made MK popular was the blood and the fatalities, and the fact that the game still played well for a fighter.

Tetsu Deinonychus Jan 28th, 2008 08:25 PM


Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie
Because they both start with Billy?

Also, because they're both supposed to be Native American (but don't look the slightest bit Native American), and they both wear the same hat.

I think there's pics at the bottom of this review.

Courage the Cowardly Dog Jan 29th, 2008 12:12 PM

A friend of mine told me he played a game in Kansas city where you could slice someone's dick off with a lot of blood, and it had nude-alities. He even described the characters.

I thought he was full of shit. I need to find my 4rth grade yearbook cause I owe someone an apology. To be fair would anyone in my shoes have believed him?

Dr. Boogie Jan 29th, 2008 12:56 PM

You owe him part of an apology because there is no dick-slicing fatality.

MLE Jan 29th, 2008 01:44 PM

Are you suuuure?

Dr. Boogie Jan 29th, 2008 05:07 PM

As sure as I care to be, yes.

neoboman Jan 30th, 2008 10:57 PM

Billy doing a nudality on himself and then dancing was the greatest thing created by man up to this point.

Nick Jan 31st, 2008 12:33 AM


neoboman Feb 1st, 2008 09:32 PM

Say what you will about this game: that music is awesome.

Count Mek Feb 2nd, 2008 03:26 PM

WOw, that is some wack-ass crap right there...
SEE?! It's so crazy it forces me to use slang!

Blank Frank Feb 6th, 2008 11:46 PM


Ow my lungs. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

I only wish Midway had hired the brilliant mind that dreamed up shitting cooked turkeys at someone as a fatality.

strangejosh Feb 11th, 2008 12:43 PM

This game looks awesome. Wish they would've released this.

Tanuki Feb 20th, 2008 08:56 PM

Can anyone explain the constant references to fine art...? It reminds me of when Ebert said video games were not art.

Let's check the checklist for this game.
1) Idiotic names? Check.
2) Stereotypes? Check.
3) Puns? ...Ugh, check.
4) Many, MANY "WTF" Moments? ...Check.

Am I missing anything?

Dr. Boogie Feb 21st, 2008 12:01 AM

I believe all the fine art crap was thrown in for reason #4 on your list.

Govenuh Feb 28th, 2008 04:37 PM

The tatoo graphics look like they were done in MS Paint...

RationalDementia May 15th, 2008 10:24 PM

Just a thought (and a very late one, at that), but if they were so ballsy as to call the newspaper in the game fucking "Disneyland", then why not go ahead and make the DeLoreon in the fatality into the "Back To The Future" time machine? It would have been a cool nod to Bob Gale's contribution to the game (not that I imagine he ever claims this piece of garbage).

resident-adam Jun 25th, 2008 06:08 AM

This game is a fucking epic failure! XD
But seriously, why join the service when i can be a "Tattoo Assasin" instead? Thanks alot, High School "Career Day"!!!

DarkfireTaimatsu Sep 1st, 2008 06:46 PM

Nothing says "hero" like a fighting game character whose victory pose is to crush a can on his head and belch.

Kusanagi_no_Tsurugi Oct 15th, 2008 11:43 PM

Quoting Falco Lombardi's wise words:
Never seen anything so disturbingly trashy since Jax's MK3 fatalities.

Akktri Mar 29th, 2009 06:24 PM

My brother didn't believe this was a real game when I showed him the pictures.

Joe Musashi Apr 1st, 2009 12:00 AM

The thing that got me interested in getting the ROM of this game was a screenshot of the fatality that turns your opponent into a giant anthropomorphic Oscar Meyer wiener (with shoes!), because I just had to see it for myself. Also, the claim that the game has over 2,000 of them (the fatalities, that is. Not the wieners). And likely because of a site that talks about it.

Emu Apr 4th, 2009 01:03 PM

I like the game's story :)

wastedsage May 4th, 2009 10:49 AM

This is a screwed up game, one of the fatalities is turning somebody into the painting
" Whistler's Mother?" WTF?!

Julio Jun 19th, 2009 09:54 PM

Late post (I'm surprised that I didn't post when this originally came out):

Fighting games were quite abundant back in the nineties, but I sucked so hard at them that I wasn't all that interested. At least until I started to get an edge for The King of Fighters series.

When I take a look at a huge pile of steaming shit like this I wonder how can some respectable videogame company can come with such abomination. Makes me think that they had an urge for some easy money.

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