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-   -   Tales from the Longbox #23: "More Odds and Ends"! (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69699088)

MockBot Feb 21st, 2008 10:01 PM

Tales from the Longbox #23: "More Odds and Ends"!
Automatically generated comment thread for Tales from the Longbox #23: "More Odds and Ends"!.

Dungeonbrownies Feb 21st, 2008 10:29 PM

elektra looks effin disgusting. like a pickled zombie

Magic Flyin' Lemur Feb 21st, 2008 10:43 PM

Frankly, Cap's new suit just looks like super-shiny rayon (ala Idiocracy).

Also, it is my sincerest desire to hire a couple burly guys, have them dress up in a Spider-Man costume and an old-school Captain America costume to sodomize Joe Quesada. I think it'd be poetic.

Hangie Feb 21st, 2008 10:45 PM

funny as hell and somewhat informing as always proto

Count Mek Feb 21st, 2008 10:45 PM

Very good article Proto! Made me laugh even though the only thing I read is The Walking Dead.

Jaimas Feb 21st, 2008 10:54 PM

Jesus, look at her.

She looks like death, eating a cracker.

SunnyD Feb 21st, 2008 11:27 PM

Don't you just love how they retconned everything so that now Spider-Man has to deal with "lol empty webshooters" again? Especially since he's had empty webshooters from since the very first issue of Brand New Day

King Credo Feb 21st, 2008 11:40 PM

I'm going to stop reading comics as soon as Secret Invasion starts because I know that there won't be one damn Marvel comic that doesn't go like this:
Hero 1: Are you a Skrull?
Hero 2: No.
Hero 1: Are you sure?
Hero 2: Uh....yeah. Wait! No. Yeah. I'm fine.
Hero 1: Positive?
Hero 2: Yep!
Hero 1: Okay. Good.
Hero 2: Haha! Fooled you!
Hero 1: Damn! We have to fight now maybe. Wait. What were we talking about before?
Hero 2: Something actually good but looks like this took up 3/4 of the book.
Hero 1: Yeah. That's right. I can't believe these chumps are still spending all their money on these.
Hero 2: Yeah. You think they'd learn after World War Hulk. Guess not.

Grossenschwamm Feb 21st, 2008 11:41 PM

Yeah, in the follow up to Brand New Day, called, "Glorious Day," Peter finds Jesus and becomes a member of the clergy. He stops fighting crime, and eventually founds his own church, and then BOOM! One of his altar boys turns out to be Mephisto.
The skrull thing seems pretty contrived, though. At least Cap is still rocking the spirit of America! Albeit in a very shiny way...

Nick Feb 22nd, 2008 02:04 AM

0h god, I am not looking forward to Secret Invasion at all.

AlliSabbah Feb 22nd, 2008 02:14 AM

Its nice to read things like this and see that Ghost Rider is not the only comic thats being torn to shreds by marvel.

captain516 Feb 22nd, 2008 02:23 AM

eh, I actually like Cap's new suit. But your commentary is fuuny is always. the "Orville Redenbacher" part was excellent.

Doctor_Who Feb 22nd, 2008 02:48 AM

Any idea which came first, the Skrulls or Mentok the Mindtaker's appearance on the old sixties Birdman cartoon? 'Cause I'm pretty sure one was based on the other. When I looked at that Skrull picture all I could think was "Mindtaking! Bweoooeeooop!"

Terrible-D Feb 22nd, 2008 03:39 AM

Dr. Who: The Skrulls first appeared in Fantastic Four #2 in 1962. Birdman and the Galaxy Trio didn't hit the airwaves until '67.(How big of a nerd am I for knowing this?)

Purple Man Feb 22nd, 2008 05:11 AM

Great article. Commendably restrained! I've put up with Marvel 's recent stunts for a long time now, but OMD (I even hate myself for using that abbreviation) was a shocker. It's just gotten worse since then. That zombies bullshit. That M-Day bollocks. And now guess what? I bet it'll turn out that everyone is a skrull. Fucking everyone, okay?

Does Dexter Bennett look like Jason Robards or what? Just a thought.

saturnknight Feb 22nd, 2008 08:06 AM

howmany times have marvel characters died? i lost count on phoenix/Jean Grey, and even captain america, new hero or not, it's insaine

nilus Feb 22nd, 2008 08:54 AM

This is why my pull list has been slashed down to Fables, Y: The Last Man(which has been completed so I guess its off the list now too, and Star Wars Legacies.

So when are you gonna talk about the train wreck that is Ultimates 3.

Fufuless Feb 22nd, 2008 09:15 AM

Face it tiger, you've just hit the Jackpot! As in the super hero. Way to go Spider-Man!

mburbank Feb 22nd, 2008 09:23 AM

Proto; Who the HELL is writing spiderman? That narration bubble is WAY conrnier than anything Stan Lee EVER did when I was a kid, and he made up that style of banter to differentiate his writing from other comic books. It talks down, it's a stale oldster trying to be 'fun-KAY' for the kids. SHAMEFUL! Evil plan? Accidental camp, just embarassing, like watching your perverted uncle dance at Baht Mitzvah.

Caps Costume: We agree, way bad, but much as I like Alex Ross, look back at his body of work and you'll see, design is far and away his weakest link. Look for instance at the third cover in Justice with all the whacked out robo JLAers. Kingdom Come was so cool one didn't think about the costume design, but grab a random volume, flip it open and look at some of the designs out of context. VERY unfortunate. Great illustrator, terrible designer.

Jigby Huggletinks Feb 22nd, 2008 10:56 AM

Cap's new suit looks pretty much exactly like the Alex Ross Spiderman design that could be seen in the Spiderman game based on the first movie... hmm.

And I agree, pretty much everybody's going to end up being a Mentok the Mindtaker... er... a Skroll. I never thought I'd see a plot arc that makes The Clone Saga look good.

And loving the comment about "hitting the Jackpot", Fufuless. NICE!

Ashmodai Feb 22nd, 2008 11:00 AM

After reading Civil War and reading this article, I kind of feel sad that Marvel has taken such a nose dive. I've noticed that most of the really good comics are now being produced by Image.

Drunken_Lemur408 Feb 22nd, 2008 11:30 PM

I'm going to Megacon, and Joe Quesada is gonna be there. Does anyone have some questions you want me to ask?

Magic Flyin' Lemur Feb 22nd, 2008 11:32 PM


Originally Posted by Drunken_Lemur408 (Post 534230)
I'm going to Megacon, and Joe Quesada is gonna be there. Does anyone have some questions you want me to ask?

"Why do you hate the fans so much?"

Or, alternatively,

"Seriously, what the hell, Joe? Seriously. Joe. What the hell?"

CaTlaloc Feb 23rd, 2008 01:12 AM

Oh boy...i think I am going to be sick
is it just me or does it look like Skrull-Electra died from explosive diherria? Maybe she just read "brand new day" and had the same experience as proto. Anyways, it is stuff like this that forced me to read marvel comics on wikipedia.

Blank Frank Feb 23rd, 2008 01:31 AM

FUN FACT: If you invert the colors of the picture of "Mr. Negative" (into what one assumes would result in the "positive" image with correct coloration) in Paintbrush, his "natural" skin tone appears to be some sort of silvery/dark grey.

I don't think that's quite what they were going for...

Pentegarn Feb 23rd, 2008 05:38 AM

The only "evil plan" I have seen in these new Spider-Man comics is the comics themselves. Thank you for reading them and breaking them down for us so I don't have to actually read them myself. I couldn't stomache it now. I sure miss the old Spider-Man.

Jonny#5 Feb 23rd, 2008 10:39 AM

After reading about SPiderman, I'm wondering if Satan can sue MArvel for using his likeness, as I'm sure he hated being apart of such a craptacular storyline. Helll, even the Prince of Darkness gotta have standards on that type of thing.

AM I the only one here that picked up on Quesadia's devil worshipping proaganda? He's basically saying "If you paint yourself into a spot, you can always sacrafice the happiness of your loved ones to make everything right". I hope the pope gets to sucker punch the prick.

elementalblazer Feb 23rd, 2008 07:17 PM

Johnny, I would prefer if Jesus choke slammed him into a steel cage. Also I always wanted Bucky to be Captain America because any Captain that never fought Nazis is no Captain America of mine

elementalblazer Feb 23rd, 2008 07:20 PM

Also I think that Dan Slott is writing the new Spider-man

Butters Feb 23rd, 2008 10:48 PM

Great article, as always.

Spider-man sounds ridiculously god awful. And after the disaster that was House of M (I'm mainly an X-men fan, so naturally, I despise Bendis), I fully expect this crossover to not only be bad, but to completely screw up whatever parts of the Marvel U that Bendis can think of. Part of me actually hopes that it is so ridiculously lame, that everyone in comics that even considers another event will be fired.

Wyldflame Feb 24th, 2008 12:26 AM

Proto, I want to take a moment to thank you for covering Spider-Man here. Yes it's total suit, and yes Quesadia needs to be set on fire, but if I don't know what's going on, I can't accurately bitch about it, and I'm sure as hell not going to buy it my own self. So thanks, keep it up eh?

Also on the DC front, I hear you, but I don't know if you've come across the "52" trades, they broke it up into four volumes when they could have made it much worse. You seen those "Absolute" trades? I appreciate having all the extras, but christ are those things big, I'm debating buying a couple extras and making a fort out of them or something

SunnyD : Organic web shooters were ass anyway, it was all "lol lets be like the movie" come on, that's never a good idea.

And as far as the X-men? House of M didn't fuck them up. X-men has sucked for the last decade or so.

Hugo Feb 24th, 2008 06:54 PM

There's the thing that both videogame movies and comics equally lack: Respect. Think about it, we had to see several ultra lame-ass comic-based movies, and then christopher nolan and sam raimi (spider man 3 doesn't count) came up with movies that would respect both the characters and the audience. I'm not such a comic fan, but these comics are treating the audience in such a Uwe Boll fashion that it makes me dream of Quesada suffering of testicular torsion.

Observation: Testicular torsion actually hapens to some peope. Be aware.

Hugh Jerection Feb 25th, 2008 08:37 AM


I'm going to Megacon, and Joe Quesada is gonna be there. Does anyone have some questions you want me to ask?
I have a gun and one bullet. Do you have enough integrity left to do the job yourself?

Herratik Feb 25th, 2008 09:13 AM

Proto, another blern! Hugh, I think you should rethink this "One Bullet" thing, Joey Q would probably just absorb it into his hideous neck-roll and grow stronger from the lead poisoning. The only way to kill it is to cleanse it with fire. Then sow the Marvel offices with salt and mark the ground as tainted. It's the only way. Bendis still has me onboard for "Powers" so I can't hate him...but Quesada? Remember Joey, no rage like nerd rage... that is all.

Drunken_Lemur408 Feb 26th, 2008 09:49 PM

Well, Jean Grey is a skrull. http://www.pinkkryptonite.com/2008/0...nism.html#more
I really hope Iron Man gets revealed as one, too.

Protoclown Feb 27th, 2008 12:30 AM

Thanks for the comments, everyone!

: I feel like Max has already done a fine job of trashing Ultimates 3 in the Weeklies section, so it'd probably be redundant for me to do a Longbox column about it. Check out his reviews if you haven't already!

Max: They actually have a rotating group of creative teams since it's now coming out three times a month. The first arc was written by Dan Slott, the second by Mike Carey (who I actually like most of the time). I have my suspicions though that the cheesy, condescending crap in that narration bubble was contributed by the editor rather than the writer. And that's a damn good point about Alex Ross and design. I actually hadn't even considered that before, but it makes sense.

Asmodai: What Image books out there are you referring to? The only Image books I can think of that I hear consistently good things about are The Walking Dead and Invincible (neither of which I've read). If there's other stuff I should check out, I'd love to know. Marvel still has some great books (i.e. Punisher, Iron Fist, Captain America, Daredevil) and DC's Vertigo line has in my opinion been the single best publisher of comics for the past decade.

Wyldflame: The DC Absolute volumes may be expensive, but man are they well put together. I only own two, Planetary Vol 1 and Watchmen...I'm rereading Watchmen now in Absolute form, and if any book deserves to be presented in that format, it's that one!

Drunken_Lemur408: I'm not sure that Jean Grey poster is conclusive, or if it's just a tease. They've also had Wolverine and Hawkeye posters like that. In any event, Jean's been dead since Grant Morrison's run, so it's about time some jackass editor came along and decided "oh she never really died cuz she was a skrull". I've heard it said on multiple occasions though from Quesada that Iron Man and Cap are the only heroes who are entirely off limits from being skrulls, so as to not cheapen the "impact" of Civil War. Too bad that's the only reasonable explanation for Iron Man's crazy behavior of late.

Wyldflame Feb 27th, 2008 06:27 PM

Yeah, lets not cheapen the impact of Civil War, like when Spider-Man unmasked on national television? Or the part when the devil made it all go away?

Tell you guys what though, this is how they're going to "fix" this, give this a year or so until MJ decides to tell peter the truth about what happened, or Doc Strange finally goes "By the Amuretto Eye of Arkansas, mystic energies are all fucked up, it must be the devil. But I can't beat the devil, we have to get help from the only man who can" and the next page is the two of them at the doorstep of Castle Doom. I'm calling it, right the hell now.

BakaGaijin Feb 29th, 2008 02:48 PM

Cap's suit is the flag of Puerto Rico. That's not very American, considering it's not a true "state" of the US: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flag_of_Puerto_Rico

copacetic Mar 2nd, 2008 01:28 AM

My wallet is thanking me for dropping Spiderman just as One More Day wrapped up. I really wanted to get back into Spiderman after Straczynski's excellent run of late (being a primarily DC guy), but this...this just made me throw up a little in my mouth. I actually had the first two issues of Brand New Day sitting in my box at my local comic book store, and I had a feeling I wanted them to stop my subscription, which I did ask them to do (mainly due to the title coming out thrice a month and I was like nuh uh - NO title is worth shelling out $3.50 thrice a month these days). How right I was.

Excuse me, I need to take a shower.

copacetic Mar 2nd, 2008 02:15 AM

Oh also, Captain America's new duds might be influenced by another superhero Alex Ross recently drew for DC:

Ring any bells?

Jaimas Mar 2nd, 2008 02:05 PM

Holy christ, that is scary.

Goddamn, don't look directly at it. You'll burn out your retinas.

Negative Zero Mar 3rd, 2008 11:40 AM

In the pic with the ugly Maggia woman, I swear the vehicles in the background look like Transformers. I guess not even Optimus Prime could save that comic.

Magic Flyin' Lemur Mar 3rd, 2008 03:08 PM


Originally Posted by copacetic (Post 535625)
Oh also, Captain America's new duds might be influenced by another superhero Alex Ross recently drew for DC:

[Img]MY EYES[/img]

Ring any bells?

Um... ok, so Alex Ross has a tinfoil fetish then.

Kirbykid Mar 3rd, 2008 07:56 PM

The only way I could like this new "Secret Invasion" thing is if it turns out Quesada is a Skrull and all this shit never happpened...

captain516 Mar 4th, 2008 01:51 AM

guys..the WHOLE POINT of One More Day/Brand new day is to let writers write the spider-man stories they've been wanting to write since they've been kids. web shooters, peters a loser, whatever, this is all because everyone in charge at marvel (not just quesada EVERYONE)loves the silver age. Sadly, they're not doing a very good job of it.

copacetic Mar 10th, 2008 01:59 PM


Originally Posted by captain516 (Post 536076)
guys..the WHOLE POINT of One More Day/Brand new day is to let writers write the spider-man stories they've been wanting to write since they've been kids. web shooters, peters a loser, whatever, this is all because everyone in charge at marvel (not just quesada EVERYONE)loves the silver age. Sadly, they're not doing a very good job of it.

so they'd rather set the character back 30 years and have fans waste their money on a personal indulgence? Not working for me.

captain516 Mar 31st, 2008 12:43 AM

Personal indulgence? you mean you don't like the silver age?

Magic Flyin' Lemur Mar 31st, 2008 06:22 PM


Originally Posted by captain516 (Post 543624)
Personal indulgence? you mean you don't like the silver age?

It's a personal indulgence because the silver age is over and they're trying to forcefully resurrect it in an unpleasant way because they'd rather relive bygone glory days.

SSmasher Apr 13th, 2008 04:43 PM

I agree: Captain America's new costume looks ripe for epic failure. Ross did a terrible job here; congrats! However, I am also genuinely pissed that they dared to kill of Steve Rogers. HE WAS Captain America. Having this substitute errand boy pose as him is a tremendous offense. He totes around a fucking gun! Hello!? Arghhh! I digress. I love your stuff Proto, keep it coming.

JakeOfAllTrades Aug 12th, 2008 10:34 PM

Expensive DC hardcovers are expensive, but the Starman Omnibus Vol. 1 is one of my favorite hardcovers of late. However I do agree that the ratio of issues per hardcover is sometimes baffling.

By the way, did you ever think you'd see my face again?

Protoclown Aug 13th, 2008 12:04 AM

I actually really want that Starman Omnibus hardcover myself. $50 is a bit much, but the $30 it goes for on Amazon is pretty reasonable...less than $2 per issue.

TuxKamen Oct 22nd, 2008 03:40 PM

The whole "Silver Age indulgence" conversation up there made me think of my Ambush Bug Christmas Special. The whole comic runs for 40 pages, which is more than AB thinks he can be funny for... later, he gets a clue to what he's looking for being on an earlier page and he yells, "Great! That's back in the funny part of the book!"

My point is, it sounds like maybe they're thinking that, since they were extremely successful in the Silver Age, going back to that might be profitable again. I'm not a regular Spidey buyer (always been more of a DC Comics fan, but I've read some of the collected comic sets), but even I could tell that the whole Day series of events was a bad idea.

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