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-   -   Your weirdest dreams? (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69699353)

Kitsa Mar 26th, 2008 02:15 PM

Your weirdest dreams?
I don't know about you guys, but I have goofy-ass dreams pretty much constantly.

Last night I dreamed I was watching a TV show called "No Shit, They're Polar Bears". It was hosted by this really perky, annoying lady who was always sticking her face right up to the camera, trying to be cute. (Very much like Kirsten Gum of "Cash & Treasures", actually.) The show was five or six segments long.

In the first segment, they showed two polar bears swimming around in a tank of icy water. The host prattled on about that for a while, then she said, "Now I'm gonna try it!" So she gets into a wetsuit and jumps in and starts freaking out about how cold it is. She jumps back out and squeals, "It's furrrrrrrrEEEEEZING in there! I mean, there are CHUNKS of ICE in the WATER! But look at them, they can swim around in there with no problem at all!"

Then the screen froze, a giant blue stamp-graphic of the show's title was plastered over the picture of the polar bears in the pool, and a chorus of studio-voices shouted, "NO SHIT, THEY'RE POLAR BEARS!"

I can only remember one other segment...there was this dead seal all flayed out on the ground, and it showed the two polar bears ripping off pieces. Then the host got in there and hoisted a chunk of raw seal meat to her mouth. "Yuck! It's all bloody! But this is what they eat every day! Day in and day out, they eat raw, bloody things like this, can you belieeeeve it?"

Cut to the stamp-graphic with accompanying *clunk* superimposed over seal guts. "NO SHIT, THEY'RE POLAR BEARS!"

It was the dumbest and funniest dream I've ever had. I actually woke myself up laughing in my sleep.

Esuohlim Mar 26th, 2008 02:49 PM

My most depressing dreams are the ones I occasionally have about the I-mockery forums

Geggy Mar 26th, 2008 02:53 PM

you need to cut down on them motherfuckin' bentos unless you want to make sitcoms or comedy sketches from your dreams then eat more of them motherufkin' bentos to get the creative juice flowing

jeffhimself Mar 26th, 2008 03:21 PM

ever dream you vomited up a kitten... i did and i think it was because i drove over a real cat

Fat_Hippo Mar 26th, 2008 04:18 PM

I rarely have vivid dreams, but there's a couple of weird ones I've had.

I had one about a camp filled with italien mothers and their children. There seemed to be some sort of competition about who gets the most children, but nobody knew who their kids were, so they just grabbed all they could get. But if one mother claimed a kid was hers, and another did too, there was only one way to solve it: Knife fight to the death.

Don't ask.

And I've had several dreams about trying to cross a street, falling over, not being able to get up or even crawl, upon which a truck drives me over. Or I try to jump a really small stream of lava, and fall in. Those suck.

Or when I was small I dreamt I was on top of a tower, and my dad picked me up and help me up so I could see better. But then he held me over the edge and let's go! I fell into a deep darkness, and then wake up on the floor with a backache. That one also sucks.

And when I'm sick I always have dreams about death. For example, I'm a soldier sleeping in a camp in my tent, but through a crack I constantly see people stabbing each other in their sleep, and I'm just terrfified. And this goes on for ages. Shit.

I probably remember know some more, but I can't remember them right now.

Emu Mar 26th, 2008 05:02 PM

My worst dream ever was once when I dreamed I had to go take a piss, and I was standing over the toilet for like ten minutes and it just wouldn't stop coming, and then I felt something weird and I looked down and a weird, red veiny looking thing was coming out of the hole.

In a similar thread on SomethingAwful someone had a very similar dream so it must not be too uncommon :\

Sam Mar 26th, 2008 05:14 PM

Out of your urethra or the hole in the toilet?

Kitsa Mar 26th, 2008 05:16 PM

I remember when I was little, I had a dream where I was walking by some indoor pool (like a YMCA-style, institutional pool) and there were elephants swimming and playing in the water. Then suddenly I was walking on this sidewalk that just extended into empty space...nothing above, below or around it...and there were these giant butterflies darting around. Then one dive-bombed me and its head was like an evil sea-lion with needle teeth, and all of the butterflies suddenly started attacking me.

The majority of dreams I have are repeat dreams about being in a shopping mall and finding a passageway that leads to this fantastic, deserted, bigger mall. In the dreams I'd have fun running around an abandoned mall (unlike Dawn of the Dead, there didn't seem to be any zombies to work around). I actually looked forward to dreaming about it, because they were very predictable. Haven't dreamed those in a while though.

When I was a REALLY little kid, I would have nightmares that consisted entirely of music. Like, the Twilight Zone theme, or the theme from that show "Tales from the Darkside" (talk about bad 80s tv) would just play over and over in my head and I'd wake up in a cold sweat. Or that song, "Funny Farm"...you know, "they're coming to take me away, ha-ha"?...that scared the crap out of me for some reason.

I was a strange kid, I guess.

Emu Mar 26th, 2008 05:20 PM


Originally Posted by Sam (Post 542397)
Out of your urethra or the hole in the toilet?

Urethra. Should've been clearer. :(

executioneer Mar 26th, 2008 05:26 PM

"they're coming to take me away, ha-haaa" actually is the title of that song

Chojin Mar 26th, 2008 05:28 PM

i'd had a dream a few times where I bite down and my teeth crack apart :<

and i swallow some of the bits by accident :<

Sam Mar 26th, 2008 05:30 PM

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I was locked out of my house without my keys. So I started screaming at myself that I was already in the house and ripping off my fingernails and trying to jam them into the keyhole of the door while my hands bled all over. :(

And I've had the dream about my teeth falling apart in my mouth at least 5 times.

executioneer Mar 26th, 2008 05:33 PM

when i was five i had a dream where i was on a muppet show themed gameshow where you pull a big slot machine lever, and if you got all animal's face he would pop up and eat you, and in the end of the dream i lost the game :( plus when i woke up the furnace had just turned on and it made the same roaring noise as animal had been making when he was about to eat me

Kitsa Mar 26th, 2008 06:15 PM

For about three weeks straight, every single night, I had a dream in which Joey Ramone was telling me I had to wear a certain necklace. He never explained why, he just kept telling me to, and reminding me where I kept it. It got so damn weird that I actually got up and found the necklace and put it on, even though I felt like an idiot for doing so.

Strange thing is, ever since I did that, he stopped.

Colonel Flagg Mar 26th, 2008 10:08 PM


Originally Posted by Fat_Hippo (Post 542377)
Or when I was small I dreamt I was on top of a tower, and my dad picked me up and help me up so I could see better. But then he held me over the edge and let's go! I fell into a deep darkness, and then wake up on the floor with a backache. That one also sucks.

Dude, you dreamt you were Michael Jackson's kid! That's messed up!

Pub Lover Mar 26th, 2008 10:11 PM

Or maybe he is Michael Jackson's kid dreaming he is posting on internet forums. :week

Pentegarn Mar 26th, 2008 10:14 PM

I have one that was pretty weird, but it pales in comparison to my brother's dream he told me about. Mine mostly involves me watching TV and it is this movie where this 8 foot tall guy in a trench coat and a bowler hat is killing people. Then, all of the sudden I am in the movie, only it is set in my town. I am running looking for a place to hide and I see this bakery. The owner of the bakery agrees to hide me from the killer provided I work at his bakery. I agree and as I am working I look up on the wall to see an employee of the month plaque with the 8 foot tall trench coat bowler hat guy. I am about to call the bakery owner out on it when all of the sudden I am watching TV again, and Eva Gabor is introducing another scary feature. Then I woke up and said out loud, "What the hell was that?"

My brother's dream started with him reading the Columbus Dispatch, he was looking at the section where they have all the strip club ads. He sees an ad that says, "Sexy Wendy will come to your house and do a sexy show." So he picks up the phone, dials the number, and seconds later hears a knock on the door and a sexy woman in a red bikini is there and she has a large trunk with her.

She asks my brother, "Are you ready for a sexy show?"

He answers, "I sure am".

"Okay" she replies, "Take off all your clothes."

So he takes all his clothes off, and she opens up the large trunk, ducks behind it, and from behind it pop up two puppets doing a puppet show. Just as he is about to ask "what the fuck" the dream shifts and he is suddenly standing naked on the set of Kukla, Fran, and Ollie.

My brother told everyone about that dream because he was so amused by it.

Esuohlim Mar 26th, 2008 10:20 PM

I once dreamt that I knew I was dreaming, yet I couldn't leave the dream. And every time I thought I was no longer dreaming something frighteningly fucked up would happen, one involving me getting out of my bed and finding my house demolished around me. And all the while voices kept mocking me for not being able to wake up. The cycle just kept happening over and over again, and I'm confident in saying that it'll probably be the worst dream I'll ever have in my life since on top of that it literally felt like I was dreaming for hours. :(

Is there a book or a movie out anywhere about a dream that lasts an eternity? It seems plausible, in my opinion, since your brain seems to be able to fabricate a timeframe that's completely relative to real time. It's a scary thought :eek

ElPila666 Mar 26th, 2008 10:26 PM

Today i had a weird dream where i was wearing a red ninja suit in a disco and people laugh at me but my friends say me "you look cool dude keep your mask on" an that disco look so strange, we sit on a table and we started to took some drinks. The dream was long but i only remember about the red ninja suit detail.

Hey Sigmund Freud used to interpreted dreams, i never read one of his books but it looks interesting, i never remembered to write every single weird dream that i had, maybe i'll started to do it.

ElPila666 Mar 26th, 2008 10:27 PM

Have you ever dream that you falling down from a building?

WhiteRat Mar 26th, 2008 10:32 PM


Originally Posted by ElPila666 (Post 542476)
Have you ever dream that you falling down from a building?

Nope, but for several years during my youth I would have the same dream where I would fall out of a roller coaster that was higher than the clouds. I must of had that dream several dozen times.

Dr. Octogonopus Mar 26th, 2008 10:34 PM

I constantly have dreams about zombie apocalypses, more like this webcomic, http://www.thezombiehunters.com/index.php?strip_id=1,
where there are different classes of zombies, and I wake up and swear I hear shambling. On a lighter note, in class I had some dream my friend was pointing stuff out to me in a magazine, and when I woke up I didn't realize I was dreaming, so the first thing I said was 'Where's Julia?" and everyone thought I was losing it. It was pretty awkward.

ElPila666 Mar 26th, 2008 10:37 PM

Wheni used to read books i had the most awesome dreams then i replaced it for internet, video games and anime, they never were the same :(

WhiteRat Mar 26th, 2008 10:41 PM


Originally Posted by ElPila666 (Post 542488)
Wheni used to read books i had the most awesome dreams then i replaced it for internet, video games and anime, they never were the same :(

Specifically Dukes of Hazzard/Shasta McNasty erotic fan fiction, right?

ElPila666 Mar 26th, 2008 10:48 PM

Daisy Duke?

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