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-   -   Ten Things I Like And Hate About Star Wars Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69700261)

MockBot Aug 1st, 2008 01:43 AM

Ten Things I Like And Hate About Star Wars Episode II - Attack Of The Clones
Automatically generated comment thread for Ten Things I Like And Hate About Star Wars Episode II - Attack Of The Clones.

puppetgeneral39 Aug 1st, 2008 02:37 AM

First comment?

I thought the same thing in the theater when Boba held up his dad's head. I mean this is the same movie that woman and children being slaughtered so a shadowy severed head didn't seem all that far fetched.

OxBlood Aug 1st, 2008 02:47 AM

Interesting, didn´t notice some of these things, but then again, I just watched it very casually (more than 3 times actually). BUT I absolutely hate Anakin, Lucas has managed to take away all coolness Vader ever had by showing us what a Jerk he was in his past....just be happy, be very very happy that you get to hear Hayden´s actual voice and not his german synch. Awful, like a little child.

It´s a good thing I was always into star wars with thougts like "Yay, Lightsabers!" and "Yay, Spacebattle!" Enables me to watch the prequels with a little more...ease or something like that.

Dungeonbrownies Aug 1st, 2008 02:59 AM

yea, old lucas wasnt the same after his divorce. thats what ruined him tehy say. that and awful fanboy-writers.

peh_ Aug 1st, 2008 04:21 AM

Watching this movie was one of the single worst experiences I have ever had in a theater. While I usually hate people who talk or discuss during any movie I see, I was too busy pretending to stab myself in the eyes and yelling "What!?!" every five seconds to care that I was possibly bothering anyone. I had made many excuses for ep.1, trying to defend the series, but after this I swore off Star Wars forever. Now I haven't seen this for years (never brave enough to re-watch), but if I can remember it my "favorite" parts were the "flowering" romance that gave us that great "frolicking" scene in the fields of Naboo... (There's a poem title). And my favorite line of dialog which was along the lines of "I hate sand, it's rough and coarse and gets in everything. Not like you... you're soft" or some crap like that. After this how did anyone look forward to Indy...

Captain PirateFace Aug 1st, 2008 04:28 AM

All the magic from the original trilogy has been raped, eaten vomited up and raped again.
I was hoping for each film to get better in the trilogy and they kinda did slightly (Episode One hurts my eyes so much that they bleed whenever the pod race begins, and you already know Padme ends up a pedophile.) But there was really no way of saving them... I wish Lucas would have went and let some other crazy bastards direct the movie's.

Episode One: Guy Richie (pre-Madonna)
Episode Two: David Lynch (Just to get shit "weird")
Episode Three: Quentin Tarantino (Just so good ol' Sam Jackson could just be himself.

Captain PirateFace Aug 1st, 2008 04:35 AM

frolicking in the fields of Naboo

I give chase of my Queen
Laughing like a giddy school boy
(Like I was when we met)
Does she run because she is being playful?
Or is she afraid of my Jedi Mind Trick?
There can be no other than her,
She has replaced the lost love in my heart that was once Obi Wan.
I hope I don't ever accidently kill her while she is impregnated with my child (children).
Fingers Crossed.

Fuck the Jedi Code I want me some Poonanny!

Anakin Skywalker

Who would have thought that Luke's badass daddy was a whinier bitch than he ever was?
At least by "Empire Strikes Back" Luke's balls had dropped. It took Anakin getting his ass handed and dipped in Lava and turned into Tetsuo: The Iron Man two get some scruples and even then who can forget his final whine in Episode 3?

Palpatine: "Hehehehe"


Nick Aug 1st, 2008 05:03 AM

I hate Star Wars now. Why did he wast 20 years on this bullshit when we could have had more Indiana Jones in space.

Mojomajik9 Aug 1st, 2008 05:35 AM

I actually hated this movie more than the Episode I. I could live--maybe that's too strong a word--i could choke back the bile a little bit more on the horrible plot elements if it wasn't for the absolute worst dialogue ever captured on film. How did great actors like Jackson and McGregor not want to kill themselves after spitting out the worst lines in cinema history? At least Harrison Ford had the moxy to tell Lucas that, "You can write this shit, George, but you can't say it."

And yeah, the "younglings" crap pissed me off too. The fact that all the stormtroopers and even Boba Fett are all clones. Darth Vader is really nothing more than an emo punk and Hayden Christiansen couldn't act himself out of a colostomy bag.

Thank you Lucas for shitting all over my childhood.

GreyWeirdo Aug 1st, 2008 05:46 AM

I agree that Yoda fighting was lame, but I thought it was cool letting one of the short characters be in a fight for a change. For all the little guys in suits and CGI short people, Lucas never really had anyone but R2-D2 be part of the action.

Poxpower Aug 1st, 2008 05:56 AM

The 5 worst things are ANAKIN.

How did he turn into Darth Vader?
Episode 3 should have just been Darth Vader actually hunting down and destroying the Jedi like he was supposed to do according to the original movies.

What the fuck did Darth Vader ever accomplish as Darth Vader other than chocking a couple of geriatrics and throwing Palpatine down a well?

Also why did Palpatine suddenly turn into a paraplegic when Darth Vader picked him up to throw him?


Did you do episode 3 yet?
That was the real bad one. A nice thick twisting gnarly corny turd on top of the sunday.

Mojomajik9 Aug 1st, 2008 05:58 AM

On a related note, how sad is it when the X-Box game, Knights of the Old Republic, is a better experience than all three of the prequels combined? Pretty damn sad

OxBlood Aug 1st, 2008 06:55 AM

Because Kotor is decently written, it centers around a single character that doesn´t suck annnd...there no Frog-Ass-Man in it.

pac-man Aug 1st, 2008 07:01 AM

I can say "youngling" without vomiting. :(

EDIT: Great article. The prequel trilogy is garbage, period.

Pentegarn Aug 1st, 2008 08:00 AM

First off, nice nods to Twisted Toyfare Theater Proto with the "Jango's head falling out of his helmet" reference and the "slaughtering women and children is hot reference".

I actually saw Episode II twice on opening night, once as a free preview showing. Then again at midnight as I had already bought tickets to that showing. We all went to Buffalo Wild Wings before the movie and several beers later I got pretty shitfaced. To make a long story short, the first two times I watched it I thought it didn't make sense because I was too drunk to get the broken plot. I went a third time sober with my brother and it turned out it had nothing to do with my inebriation level as it did with the lazy writing and directing. Live and learn I guess.

EDIT: By the way, was anyone else confused by the whole 'younglings' scene? Why do they need helmets in a digital library/classroom? Also, why do they all have their lightsabers in hand as though they anticipate a fight?

bazdagoff Aug 1st, 2008 08:10 AM

Dig the article, Proto.

When my wife and I went to see Ep. II, during the scene where Anakin discovers the bloody, mutilated corpse of his mother the ENTIRE audience spontaneously started pissing themselves with laughter at Hayden Christiansen's godawful acting. I kid you not - and this was a 300 or so-strong audience.

We also raucously laughed through the 'romance' moments. Then again, we ARE Australians.

Commanderraf Aug 1st, 2008 10:18 AM

Ah... the Yoda scene.

From that day, I've always wonder why the hell Yoda needs a cane if he can jump and turn like crazy.

And since that day, I've always refered to this fighting technique as the "técnica pirinolita" (A pririnola is a little top [kind of a dreidl] used in mexican traditional games). When the term slipped while talking to a Star Wars fan friend of mine, he just whirled his eyes and asked "The Yoda scene?". When I nodded he proptly answered "Yeah, no one believed that scene".

Enough said.


alittlebirdytoldmeso Aug 1st, 2008 10:21 AM

Pinball Yoda was one of the only redeeming moments in the movie for me. I sat bored and irritated my entire first viewing of this movie in a theater packed with costumed fanboys on opening night and when Yoda started pinging off the walls and everyone in the audience started going oohh and ahh, I couldn't stop laughing my head off. I cried for crispssake. Cried.

Oh yeah, and the proper response to genocide is disgust. Is Padma supposed to be like Eva Braun or what? Bleah

Angryhydralisk Aug 1st, 2008 10:43 AM

I say bravo to you actually finding five good things about this movie. I found zero. Episodes I and III had more merit than this. That animated Clone Wars had more merit. Hell, I'd imagine even the HOLIDAY SPECIAL had more merit (Seriously, Bea Arthur singing to the Cantina theme? I'd never stop laughing.) than this droll, monotonous piece-of-shit. And it feels like it set the standard for jedis as a whole. Droll, monotonous, and never going to get laid.

Jonny#5 Aug 1st, 2008 11:19 AM

Hats off to you Proto for willingly sit through this crap-a-thon all over again. Unlike some fanboys out there, I wholeheartedly agree with your list and am truely amazed that you could find something redeeming about the whole film. I wished that Lucas had enough wits to have competent directors for the prequels, as they'd be able to call him on some shit and also wouldn't make poor Natalie Portman cry.

Icculus Aug 1st, 2008 11:45 AM

I liked this one the best out of the 3. I love star wars and I don't give a fuck how bad any of them are. Sure they are full of plot holes and when Anakin has his mental break down I thought it was a bit well painfull. The fight between Obi and Jango was good at least. And I remeber my friend and I having hundreds of conversations about the mystery Jedi who ordered the clones.

I've also read the books but I've never seemed to take them as the Gospel truth. Boba Fett was just so bas ass that no one wanted to believe that he could be dead. After seeing how Jango died I think it would be suiting that he die by the hand of a blind man.

Darqlink51 Aug 1st, 2008 01:12 PM

As much as I love your articles, I personally think your bias against the prequel trilogy is unprovoked. Dear God, enjoy it as a movie! If its not EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLOODY ORIGINAL TRILOGY it can still enjoy as a movie. Not every Star Wars has to satisfy you more than A New Hope (but still, thank god you're not one of those people who claim IV is the ONLY Star Wars). Sure, Lucas made a few mistakes (hiring Natalie Portman, for one), but still, he's not that bad of a director.

Although the horrible abomination that called itself...I'll just say, JJB, is, indeed, deserving of murder and far worse (or should I say better?).

Relaxing Dragon Aug 1st, 2008 01:13 PM

Loved the article Proto, nice work. I actually believe that Episode II is much worse than Episode I, mainly because I actually made it through Episode I (I'm still not sure if I watched all of Episode II, and I know I went to a theater to see it. Whatever the case, it's certainly not something I'm going to investigate further), and because that when I watched Episode I as a naive little 9-year-old, I actually got some enjoyment out of it.

Full agreements with the Slave 1 battle and Samuel L. acting like Samuel L. (I think I thought those were the most awesome parts of the movie when I watched it). Also: major kudos (to you and the site) for the Star Wars RiffTax add down below, it's as relevant an ad as could be.

some girl named lauren Aug 1st, 2008 03:09 PM


Originally Posted by Mojomajik9 (Post 571785)
On a related note, how sad is it when the X-Box game, Knights of the Old Republic, is a better experience than all three of the prequels combined? Pretty damn sad

Note though, that Knights Of The Old Republic II was a disappointing sequel. (Or maybe that was just me.) Not that it, in any way, compares to the horrors of the three prequels.

CaTlaloc Aug 1st, 2008 03:19 PM

If watching Episode I is like sodomizing a goat, then watching episode II is like sodomizing a retarted goat that is paralyzed and blind. I agree with you whole heartily Proto. Lucas may be a great artistic creator, but his ability to write and direct have diminished. I don't think it was his divorce dungeonbrownies. Divorce makes you bitter and jaded, and none of this sentiment made its way into these films. Best part of episode II: watching obi-wan handle Dookie's lightning after Aniken was bitch-slapped by it. Yes, bitch-slapped because that's what he sounded like after being hit by Dookie's voltage.

BakaGaijin Aug 1st, 2008 04:57 PM

Yeah, Ep.II was a big pile of shit.

10,000 Volt Ghost Aug 1st, 2008 05:23 PM

Worst part of the Yoda Dooku battle was the other charactors these actors made famous.

Miss Piggy Jedi Fighting Dracula.

Duct Tape Ninja Aug 1st, 2008 06:54 PM

The Star Wars prequels further my beliefs that Lucas has gotten senile.

Commanderraf Aug 1st, 2008 07:13 PM


The Star Wars prequels further my beliefs that Lucas has gotten senile

For me, it's the Star Wars prequels and the stinking heap of garbage of "Indiana Jones 4". That's not an Indy movie.

Julio Aug 1st, 2008 07:20 PM

I agree with Poxpower. The worst thing in the entire fucking prequels is Anakin Skywalker. He can even be introduced to that list -RoG- is working on about movie assholes because, in the end, that's all he represents in those movies: A wimpy asshole.

ginmortal Aug 1st, 2008 07:26 PM

Crap, now that I think of it, I haven't seen the "real" trilogy since I saw the prequels, I guess my heart was broken afterwards. I thought that Christensen was lousily directed therefore the cardboard acting, however, I just saw jumper, and crap, he sucks vomit covered monkey balls!! I never thought that Lucas would actually figure a way to rape vader's legacy.

greenimp Aug 1st, 2008 08:25 PM

well, to me the qhole movie was crap, well, so was every one of lucas' films really

Wolfish Aug 1st, 2008 09:58 PM

How the hell you found 5 things that would remotely be considered "good" is beyond me, so kudos to you sir. I remember actually looking forward to this movie as I thought it couldn't be worse than the abortion that was Episode 1. What a fool I was, deceived by that ultimate bastard , George Lucas. The frolic scene in the grass and the true words of love from Padamalely(whatever the hell the bitch's name is) as there being sent to their deaths in the arena were the most painful one's to watch for me. My wife actually had to stop me from demanding my money back. It's pretty sad when the pathetic people dressed in full SW attire are complaining about how bad this pile of shit really is. Oh and the Yoda fight scene, sigh.........

Jaimas Aug 1st, 2008 10:33 PM

General consensus is that Episode 2 is the worst of a very bad lot.

krish-0 Aug 1st, 2008 10:44 PM

I enjoyed the prequel movies, but probably only because I'm not a huge Star Wars nerd and wasn't emotionally invested in them.

Anakin's acting was godawful though (both actors that played him).

Copper Aug 2nd, 2008 03:49 AM

Thankfully, working in a store that sold DVDs saved me from seeing this in the theater (that, and I think, surgery, but I can't be sure.) I do remember shaking my head at the scene where they ask the kids what they think the solution to Obi-Wan's problem is. It was a "No shit, sherlock" moment for me, every time.

Proto, too, added to something that I hated about this movie: the timing. Of course, his is a "good" moment, the fact that the assassin just *happens* to get shot right before she can reveal the name. The other thing is Shimi Skywalker. They go back to Tatooine and Anakin finds Watto. Then he finds the man who bought and freed his mother, only to find out *gasp* that she's been kidnapped by the sand people and been gone a month. He goes out to look for her and just *happens* to find her and she just *happens* to have held out long enough to stay alive and *gasp* die in the arms of her son. *gasp* *shock* *angst* Bullshit. It's too contrived. Too convenient. That really rubbed me the wrong way. Of course, listening to Christenson whine afterwards wasn't any better. "Someday, I will be the most powerful Jedi ever!" And after listening to that about three times a day it turned into "And until then, I'm going to be a whiney little bitchboy!"

R2-D2. Flying. No. Just...no.

EchoCharlie Aug 2nd, 2008 04:19 AM

Epic masterpiece completely screwed. Fuck you Lucas. Fuck you with fire and throw salt on your ashes. Darth Vader - one of the greatest bad guys in cinema history turned into a whiny bitch! Lucas you arsehole!

Angryhydralisk Aug 2nd, 2008 12:18 PM


Originally Posted by Darqlink51 (Post 571835)
Dear God, enjoy it as a movie! If its not EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLOODY ORIGINAL TRILOGY it can still enjoy as a movie.

We tried that already.

It still sucks.

Protoclown Aug 2nd, 2008 12:40 PM


Originally Posted by Darqlink51 (Post 571835)
As much as I love your articles, I personally think your bias against the prequel trilogy is unprovoked. Dear God, enjoy it as a movie! If its not EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLOODY ORIGINAL TRILOGY it can still enjoy as a movie. Not every Star Wars has to satisfy you more than A New Hope (but still, thank god you're not one of those people who claim IV is the ONLY Star Wars). Sure, Lucas made a few mistakes (hiring Natalie Portman, for one), but still, he's not that bad of a director.

I think you misunderstand me. My issue with the prequels isn't that they are different from the original trilogy. It's that they are horrible, shitty movies. You can't look at those movies objectively and come away thinking they are anything other than shit, I'm sorry. Just analyze the plot, characters, and acting on their own merit (taken out of context of the whole series) and they are just really, really bad all around.

HeroliciousDeBlanc Aug 2nd, 2008 04:03 PM

I think we should all pool our resources together and win the lottery and remake the entire prequel trilogy.

And Boba Fett has always been a bitch. He's short and his head is like 8 feet wide in Empire Strikes back.

Kybo Ren Aug 2nd, 2008 04:07 PM

I saw Attack of the Clones 22 times in the theatre. really, kept going back for the Slave 1 action (no music till the missile, sweetness).

I could sit here and debate these points for hours- I am a Star Wars Addict- but my hot wings just got here and i eat like a slob.

real quick though- one of the best parts of AotC is when Annie takes his mom down, the rack has leg ties for some sand people raping. Shmi is full of Tusken Cum-

good write Proto- you gonna go after Ewok movies after Sith? FYI: Wilford Brimley says "FUCK"

p.s. This fanboy thinks lucas's cock tastes like plastic. and I think I tasted some cinnamon in there too........

Max Power Aug 2nd, 2008 04:27 PM

The only time I will attempt to watch this or other bad movies is if is with a Rifftrax to make it more bearable. That's how I survived Daredevil, Batman and Robin, and that Star Trek sequel with Kim Catrall as a Vulcan.

JMFabianoRPL Aug 2nd, 2008 04:47 PM

Christensen is a prime example of what's wrong with the movie/TV industry these days...i.e. people who keep getting work because of their looks, not talent. Who cares if he made Darth Vader forever into an emo Backstreet Boy, hey, he looked TOTALLY HOT and I'm sure they spiked the female demographic (that was SO a major part in SW's success!) He must have had naked pictures of George Lucas to last 2/3rds of the trilogy (and an extra movie when he 1984'ed Sebastian Shaw out of existence, and even he couldn't do a silent part right!). If this was Christopher Nolan, he would have listened to the fans and Katie Holmesed him right out of the sequel.

I almost wish I wasn't seeing things through Titanic-hype-hate glasses back in the day, and that I supported the rumor that Leo would be Anakin. At least, unlike Hayden, he has come to have SOME cred beyond the teenybopper stigma.

Granted, Attack of the Killer Clon-a-toes was better than TPM, and then ROTS better than that, but really that's like saying solid poop is better than diarrhea, which is better than vomit. And hey, how can I not love a movie that made me do the unthinkable...say that I agreed with the usually pretentious Village Voice movie reviews (Hayden + Natalie = less charisma than rubbing action figures together = BRILLIANT line)

Sign me on for the "remake the prequels" petition. Now why, why, WHY can't we have remakes only when we, you know, NEED them? (unlike, say, the non-existent demand for the granddaddy of all slasher films to be fortified with more F-words, more extreme violence, more bad actresses, and Rob Zombie)

Sadly, now SW is dead to me because of all this BS...I can't even enjoy the OT in part due to the taint of revisionist history on that. I hate people who think they own the past and can do whatever they want to it.

Colonel Flagg Aug 2nd, 2008 09:24 PM

I guess I'm one of the lucky few that has not experienced any of the prequel movies from beginning to end, although I saw about 15 solid minutes of Episode III in K-Mart one afternoon. That was more than enough for me.

I made a pact with myself when the prequels were first coming out that I would never EVER see them, and for the most part, have held to that promise. The only real Star Wars movies are episodes 4 through 6.

All this being said, great piece and fine work Proto. From the bottom of my heart I salute you.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:11 AM

As always the lightsaber duels are badass, and when Obi Wan goes down against Dooku and Anankin takes over and weilds dual sabers totally bitchin. But what ruins the whole scene is all the goddamn close ups. Even when the powers cut and the lights dim, that would have been a great scene, nothing but saber beams swinging around, clashing with each other, Dooku's red saber, Anakin, green and blue sabers, kind of like Darth Vader VS Luke in that memorable scene in The Empire Strikes Back, when they first confront each other, in that scene more fighting and hardly any close ups, Anakin VS Dooku, who gives a shit about their reactions, more or less their emotions, they make faces like their taking an epic shit. Show them swinging their lightsabers like we wanna see.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:16 AM

One more thing WHO gives a shit about the upcoming CLONE WARS movie??? I sure don't! I want Episode VII. Fuck the clone wars. Another 2 1/2 hours of Anakin bitching, thank god its animated, if I have to watch Hayden Christenson (i know i spelt it wrong) cry and whine I will burn all my Darth Vader action figures.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:18 AM

One last thing after Episode III who wanted to see Obi Wan, continue training under the guidance of Qui Gon's Ghost??? I did. Not the FUCKING clone wars. WHo cares???

whod99 Aug 3rd, 2008 01:13 AM

Honestly, I never really understood the sheer amount of hatred and rage directed at the prequels. I recently re-watched the original three movies, and there as plenty of delightfully ridiculous moments in that trilogy as well. The one example that sticks in my mind (beyond the whole Boba Fett's epic failure) was how shiny Darth Vader was--he glows like the sun! And let us not forget the Ewoks...

Alcibiades Aug 3rd, 2008 06:46 AM

Making Yoda and Palpatine flip out style ninjas was stupid. They were much, much cooler in the original trilogy where they were both philosophical behind the scenes manipulators that were physically frail but had a powerful attunement to the force.

DALI-II Aug 3rd, 2008 09:17 AM

The prequels all suck. Everyone of them. I, thankfully never saw Attack Of The Clones. However i DID see Phantom Menace.

It is one of 2 movies that nearly made me physically sick.

GreenPeaness Aug 3rd, 2008 10:58 AM


Jaimas Aug 3rd, 2008 01:31 PM

I keep having this dream in which Proto is being told by RoG to do this one for RotS, and Proto doing a Vader-esque NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

JMFabianoRPL Aug 3rd, 2008 01:37 PM

Alcibiades....that can be summed up in one reason: today's moviegoing audience's want for action, action, action, totally nonstop and especially ninja/anime-type or Matrix-type. Not that it makes conforming rather than getting a different style over always better.

Captain PirateFace Aug 3rd, 2008 09:40 PM


Originally Posted by GreenPeaness (Post 572136)

And even though the books of Boba Fett crawling out of the Sarlacc weren't written by George "Brilliant" Lucas, somebody else took the bull by the horns and took a kick ass character that Lucas effectively ruined and pulled him from death to make him badass again.

that is all

Mister Tea Aug 4th, 2008 01:29 AM

Sure, they suck, but the Rifftrax for these three make it all worthwhile...

Poxpower Aug 4th, 2008 03:14 AM

You can say what you want about the original movies, but the Dialogue was SUPERB.
Who fucked up the dialogue so impossibly bad in the prequels? Who can I blame for that?

And yes, Ewoks are so retarded. Apparently Storm Troopers can't withstand the fierce assault of an arrow gently lobbed at them by a midget.

Kybo Ren Aug 4th, 2008 12:03 PM


*The robot leg was only temporary until he had the time & credits for his black market clone leg. *spoiler alert* he got his clone dna redone so now he'll live another 100+ years and he's the a figure head for a whole government of planets and he can't even set foot on Mandalore now and they retconed the whole other mandalore/fake Boba marvel comics era ANd he's got grandkids AND i kinda want to hit Karen Traviss. with my cock.

Anyways, Send in the Clones:
You know how everyone hates the Padme/Anakin romance cause it's akward? Isn't it kinda supposed to be? Anakins A Space Preppie from the most Elite Prep school in the known Universe (and he spends his free time playing with robots instead of trying to get in Barriss Offee's pants) and Padme's part of the super debate club where Bail Organa's the cool guy! (and she spends her free time helping doomed aliens- see Clones deleted scenes, IF YOU DARE!). No fuckin wonder these two are cliche'd dorks when they're alone. It reminds me of a chess club physics club mixer.

another II plus: Extra scumbag Watto. now there's someone I wanted to see whipping his slaves.

Best line in II: Dooku's speal to captured Obi wan. "A mistake. A terrible mistake"

Colonel Flagg Aug 4th, 2008 01:17 PM

I finally remembered! I can't believe it took me so long, but that feeling of "déjà vu" all over again when you highlighted your #2 thing you liked - "The name of the killer is ...." - MONTY PYTHON!

(reading the scrawled message)

"The grail is hidden at the Castle Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Now I get it - Lucas is doing an homage to a great comedy by inserting a defining moment into this craptastic shitstorm. He truly is a genius of infinitessimal proportions.

RadioNinja Aug 4th, 2008 03:56 PM

My biggest problem was with one of the "plot" elements. The Jedi council has established over and over that Anakin, at best, has some issues that need working out. One of which is control of his feelings. So, in their infinite wisom, they dump him (a raging teen ball of hormones) and Padme (hottie) on a planet that might as well have been called Eden. What did they think would happen? Just more horrible crap from Lucas.

azrael2514 Aug 5th, 2008 12:25 AM

There is one more thing that was good about this movie (actually it was the only thing that I liked at all). During the seen when Anakin and Padme kiss for the first time the music that is playing is swelling and getting more grandiose and then it hits a crescendo when their lips actually meet... then it cuts out completely when Padme breaks the kiss. For some reason this had me (and only me) rolling in the aisles in the theater. Just to see the whiny pathetic look on Anakins face when she pulls away made me happy. The only thing that would have been better would be to have a brick just fly in from off camera and crush his front teeth in and blood would go flying. Yeah... that would have been awesome.

Y-Hat Aug 5th, 2008 01:40 AM

Wow. Finding five things right with Episode II is probably harder, to me at least, than doing the same with Episode I. For all of the crap that Episode I gets- and much of it is deserved- it doesn't end up being a complete steaming pile. I think it comes out somewhat on the level of "mediocre," although it's definitely the most childish of the six. This, however, does nothing right, not even the 30-some-odd minute scene in the battle arena. Lucas managed to screw up what should have been excellent with schmaltzy dialogue, and not even Natalie Portman's perky nipples could save that.

resident-adam Aug 5th, 2008 07:54 AM

I really don't know why everybody knocks the prequels.. I think that they added on to the overall coolness of the whole series; breathing a new life to an awesome franchise.

avoidz Aug 5th, 2008 09:49 AM

@resident-adam: Obviously you are joking, as no-one with a sane mind could make that sort of glowing comment on a trilogy of shit prequels.

Cruxader Aug 6th, 2008 05:37 PM

I seriously thought about walking out of this movie during the "frolic-in-the-fields" scene. I literally only stayed because I had paid $7.50 to see it. This movie, coupled with Phantom Menace, was the main reason why I didn't actually see Revenge of the Sith until about a year ago, and that was only because a friend invited me over to watch it at his apartment. Funny thing is, even though RotS was comparatively better than the first 2 prequels, it would still fall into my list of top 10 worst movies I've ever seen...

testtube Aug 7th, 2008 01:02 AM

The entire new trilogy is the worst waste of time ever, I knew it was up by this movie. I mean, they're not like watching actual movies, the entire tone and pacing is completely the flip opposite of the originals. Which, well, you know what.. there's so many great flicks out there, you want an epic 6 part film series with swords, decapitations, big ass battles, loads of arterial spray?

LONE WOLF & CUB. Stop acting like this pasty tame bullshit is even remotely cool and see some real badass shit.

Cruxader Aug 7th, 2008 01:26 PM

Proto, I'm looking forward to your "5 Things" for Revenge of the Sith. Please, show no mercy to the steaming pile of sith.

testtube Aug 7th, 2008 02:08 PM

eck, I am proud to say I have not seen Sith, I'll let Proto see it for me, and dismember it accordingly.

Seriously, watch samurai movies, they're like Star Wars, only they don't suck.

Purple Man Aug 11th, 2008 08:51 PM

Yeah..."I have had it with these motherfucking Sith on this motherfucking planet!" That would have ruled.

JMFabianoRPL Aug 13th, 2008 01:34 PM

Oh, if you didn't like the preachy "deathstick" messages, wait'll you get to the not-so-veiled anti-Bush comments in Episode III. Cause it's so "in" for celebrities to rebel against the President (not that I disagree totally, but at times it did come across as just a fad). If only Lucas got the Dixie Chicks treatment as well for this one...

JakeOfAllTrades Aug 13th, 2008 08:23 PM

I remember when it was cool to diss Prime Minister John Howard... then he got voted out. A similar phenomenon to Bush hating except the people's voice actually helped give him the boot.

As for the Boba Fett issue, Boba Fett is an iconic figure (in more ways than one *merchandising*) because his armour and bounty hunter status has made him loved by many fans, even if he did fall in the Sarlaac Pit, he's still awesome. I guess he has a better life in Internet memes and action figures than he ever did on screen, even Peter Griffin says "You can't touch the Fett" when he's talking about his action figures. Some people don't like him, and that's fine, but Fett is a lot more awesome than Jar Jar Binks, and by the way I was one of the only kids that liked him *this is blasphemy, this is madness!*

Ant10708 Aug 24th, 2008 07:53 PM

I agree with your hate list except the Yoda fight. After two hours of boredom in a movie theater waiting for the fucking clone wars how could you not enjoy a Yoda lightsaber battle?

Chuggernaught Sep 1st, 2008 01:08 AM

I totally agree that Dooku should have been a wildcard. A front man for a whole other sect, not just another whipping boy for palpatine. He could have been a threat to the Jedi and the empire. Dooku would have been infinitely more interesting and could have survived past the fifteen minute mark of Movie III to pester all sides with his own agenda.

homor Sep 24th, 2008 08:15 AM

my head hurts, i'm so confused.

Primortal Oct 11th, 2008 11:57 PM

I hated how every "cool new" evil character is pretty much wasted, as in either killed, mishandled, or both, in short order.

Nurdbot Jan 14th, 2009 08:57 PM

Argh dammit, these points are exactly why I put off getting the damn film for DVD for years. I got ROTS a few years back so I decided to get it cheap off Amazon. At least the Clones were good in my opinion (the Clone Wars cartoon is still annoyingly too expensive to get for me).

And I liked the books and comics :( guess I know what I've been doing wrong all the time...

Scooter Atreides Apr 2nd, 2010 01:36 AM


Originally Posted by Captain PirateFace (Post 571773)
All the magic from the original trilogy has been raped, eaten vomited up and raped again.
I was hoping for each film to get better in the trilogy and they kinda did slightly (Episode One hurts my eyes so much that they bleed whenever the pod race begins, and you already know Padme ends up a pedophile.) But there was really no way of saving them... I wish Lucas would have went and let some other crazy bastards direct the movie's.

Episode One: Guy Richie (pre-Madonna)
Episode Two: David Lynch (Just to get shit "weird")
Episode Three: Quentin Tarantino (Just so good ol' Sam Jackson could just be himself.

Oddly enough, Lynch was actually tapped to direct ROTJ, but turned it down to make Dune. When I need to go to my happy place I try to conceptualize the wonderful insanity that would have resulted from the director of Eraserhead putting his "unique" spin on the Star Wars trilogy.:hypno

XCramillaX Jan 25th, 2011 03:07 AM

Star wars sucked. ALL of them even the first, Hayden Christinsen was the only one who could act in those godawefull, too long films. Fuck Stars wars, fuck the jedi bullshit and fuck any fanboy virgin who wants to reply to this comment. FUCK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!!!

Pentegarn Jan 25th, 2011 09:06 AM

Wow, you are SO edgy. Linking Star Wars and virginity, nobody has EVER thought of that. You are what is cutting edge sir :rolleyes

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