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-   -   Ten Things I Like And Hate About Star Wars Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69700261)

BakaGaijin Aug 1st, 2008 04:57 PM

Yeah, Ep.II was a big pile of shit.

10,000 Volt Ghost Aug 1st, 2008 05:23 PM

Worst part of the Yoda Dooku battle was the other charactors these actors made famous.

Miss Piggy Jedi Fighting Dracula.

Duct Tape Ninja Aug 1st, 2008 06:54 PM

The Star Wars prequels further my beliefs that Lucas has gotten senile.

Commanderraf Aug 1st, 2008 07:13 PM


The Star Wars prequels further my beliefs that Lucas has gotten senile

For me, it's the Star Wars prequels and the stinking heap of garbage of "Indiana Jones 4". That's not an Indy movie.

Julio Aug 1st, 2008 07:20 PM

I agree with Poxpower. The worst thing in the entire fucking prequels is Anakin Skywalker. He can even be introduced to that list -RoG- is working on about movie assholes because, in the end, that's all he represents in those movies: A wimpy asshole.

ginmortal Aug 1st, 2008 07:26 PM

Crap, now that I think of it, I haven't seen the "real" trilogy since I saw the prequels, I guess my heart was broken afterwards. I thought that Christensen was lousily directed therefore the cardboard acting, however, I just saw jumper, and crap, he sucks vomit covered monkey balls!! I never thought that Lucas would actually figure a way to rape vader's legacy.

greenimp Aug 1st, 2008 08:25 PM

well, to me the qhole movie was crap, well, so was every one of lucas' films really

Wolfish Aug 1st, 2008 09:58 PM

How the hell you found 5 things that would remotely be considered "good" is beyond me, so kudos to you sir. I remember actually looking forward to this movie as I thought it couldn't be worse than the abortion that was Episode 1. What a fool I was, deceived by that ultimate bastard , George Lucas. The frolic scene in the grass and the true words of love from Padamalely(whatever the hell the bitch's name is) as there being sent to their deaths in the arena were the most painful one's to watch for me. My wife actually had to stop me from demanding my money back. It's pretty sad when the pathetic people dressed in full SW attire are complaining about how bad this pile of shit really is. Oh and the Yoda fight scene, sigh.........

Jaimas Aug 1st, 2008 10:33 PM

General consensus is that Episode 2 is the worst of a very bad lot.

krish-0 Aug 1st, 2008 10:44 PM

I enjoyed the prequel movies, but probably only because I'm not a huge Star Wars nerd and wasn't emotionally invested in them.

Anakin's acting was godawful though (both actors that played him).

Copper Aug 2nd, 2008 03:49 AM

Thankfully, working in a store that sold DVDs saved me from seeing this in the theater (that, and I think, surgery, but I can't be sure.) I do remember shaking my head at the scene where they ask the kids what they think the solution to Obi-Wan's problem is. It was a "No shit, sherlock" moment for me, every time.

Proto, too, added to something that I hated about this movie: the timing. Of course, his is a "good" moment, the fact that the assassin just *happens* to get shot right before she can reveal the name. The other thing is Shimi Skywalker. They go back to Tatooine and Anakin finds Watto. Then he finds the man who bought and freed his mother, only to find out *gasp* that she's been kidnapped by the sand people and been gone a month. He goes out to look for her and just *happens* to find her and she just *happens* to have held out long enough to stay alive and *gasp* die in the arms of her son. *gasp* *shock* *angst* Bullshit. It's too contrived. Too convenient. That really rubbed me the wrong way. Of course, listening to Christenson whine afterwards wasn't any better. "Someday, I will be the most powerful Jedi ever!" And after listening to that about three times a day it turned into "And until then, I'm going to be a whiney little bitchboy!"

R2-D2. Flying. No. Just...no.

EchoCharlie Aug 2nd, 2008 04:19 AM

Epic masterpiece completely screwed. Fuck you Lucas. Fuck you with fire and throw salt on your ashes. Darth Vader - one of the greatest bad guys in cinema history turned into a whiny bitch! Lucas you arsehole!

Angryhydralisk Aug 2nd, 2008 12:18 PM


Originally Posted by Darqlink51 (Post 571835)
Dear God, enjoy it as a movie! If its not EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLOODY ORIGINAL TRILOGY it can still enjoy as a movie.

We tried that already.

It still sucks.

Protoclown Aug 2nd, 2008 12:40 PM


Originally Posted by Darqlink51 (Post 571835)
As much as I love your articles, I personally think your bias against the prequel trilogy is unprovoked. Dear God, enjoy it as a movie! If its not EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BLOODY ORIGINAL TRILOGY it can still enjoy as a movie. Not every Star Wars has to satisfy you more than A New Hope (but still, thank god you're not one of those people who claim IV is the ONLY Star Wars). Sure, Lucas made a few mistakes (hiring Natalie Portman, for one), but still, he's not that bad of a director.

I think you misunderstand me. My issue with the prequels isn't that they are different from the original trilogy. It's that they are horrible, shitty movies. You can't look at those movies objectively and come away thinking they are anything other than shit, I'm sorry. Just analyze the plot, characters, and acting on their own merit (taken out of context of the whole series) and they are just really, really bad all around.

HeroliciousDeBlanc Aug 2nd, 2008 04:03 PM

I think we should all pool our resources together and win the lottery and remake the entire prequel trilogy.

And Boba Fett has always been a bitch. He's short and his head is like 8 feet wide in Empire Strikes back.

Kybo Ren Aug 2nd, 2008 04:07 PM

I saw Attack of the Clones 22 times in the theatre. really, kept going back for the Slave 1 action (no music till the missile, sweetness).

I could sit here and debate these points for hours- I am a Star Wars Addict- but my hot wings just got here and i eat like a slob.

real quick though- one of the best parts of AotC is when Annie takes his mom down, the rack has leg ties for some sand people raping. Shmi is full of Tusken Cum-

good write Proto- you gonna go after Ewok movies after Sith? FYI: Wilford Brimley says "FUCK"

p.s. This fanboy thinks lucas's cock tastes like plastic. and I think I tasted some cinnamon in there too........

Max Power Aug 2nd, 2008 04:27 PM

The only time I will attempt to watch this or other bad movies is if is with a Rifftrax to make it more bearable. That's how I survived Daredevil, Batman and Robin, and that Star Trek sequel with Kim Catrall as a Vulcan.

JMFabianoRPL Aug 2nd, 2008 04:47 PM

Christensen is a prime example of what's wrong with the movie/TV industry these days...i.e. people who keep getting work because of their looks, not talent. Who cares if he made Darth Vader forever into an emo Backstreet Boy, hey, he looked TOTALLY HOT and I'm sure they spiked the female demographic (that was SO a major part in SW's success!) He must have had naked pictures of George Lucas to last 2/3rds of the trilogy (and an extra movie when he 1984'ed Sebastian Shaw out of existence, and even he couldn't do a silent part right!). If this was Christopher Nolan, he would have listened to the fans and Katie Holmesed him right out of the sequel.

I almost wish I wasn't seeing things through Titanic-hype-hate glasses back in the day, and that I supported the rumor that Leo would be Anakin. At least, unlike Hayden, he has come to have SOME cred beyond the teenybopper stigma.

Granted, Attack of the Killer Clon-a-toes was better than TPM, and then ROTS better than that, but really that's like saying solid poop is better than diarrhea, which is better than vomit. And hey, how can I not love a movie that made me do the unthinkable...say that I agreed with the usually pretentious Village Voice movie reviews (Hayden + Natalie = less charisma than rubbing action figures together = BRILLIANT line)

Sign me on for the "remake the prequels" petition. Now why, why, WHY can't we have remakes only when we, you know, NEED them? (unlike, say, the non-existent demand for the granddaddy of all slasher films to be fortified with more F-words, more extreme violence, more bad actresses, and Rob Zombie)

Sadly, now SW is dead to me because of all this BS...I can't even enjoy the OT in part due to the taint of revisionist history on that. I hate people who think they own the past and can do whatever they want to it.

Colonel Flagg Aug 2nd, 2008 09:24 PM

I guess I'm one of the lucky few that has not experienced any of the prequel movies from beginning to end, although I saw about 15 solid minutes of Episode III in K-Mart one afternoon. That was more than enough for me.

I made a pact with myself when the prequels were first coming out that I would never EVER see them, and for the most part, have held to that promise. The only real Star Wars movies are episodes 4 through 6.

All this being said, great piece and fine work Proto. From the bottom of my heart I salute you.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:11 AM

As always the lightsaber duels are badass, and when Obi Wan goes down against Dooku and Anankin takes over and weilds dual sabers totally bitchin. But what ruins the whole scene is all the goddamn close ups. Even when the powers cut and the lights dim, that would have been a great scene, nothing but saber beams swinging around, clashing with each other, Dooku's red saber, Anakin, green and blue sabers, kind of like Darth Vader VS Luke in that memorable scene in The Empire Strikes Back, when they first confront each other, in that scene more fighting and hardly any close ups, Anakin VS Dooku, who gives a shit about their reactions, more or less their emotions, they make faces like their taking an epic shit. Show them swinging their lightsabers like we wanna see.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:16 AM

One more thing WHO gives a shit about the upcoming CLONE WARS movie??? I sure don't! I want Episode VII. Fuck the clone wars. Another 2 1/2 hours of Anakin bitching, thank god its animated, if I have to watch Hayden Christenson (i know i spelt it wrong) cry and whine I will burn all my Darth Vader action figures.

Lostmayhem Aug 3rd, 2008 12:18 AM

One last thing after Episode III who wanted to see Obi Wan, continue training under the guidance of Qui Gon's Ghost??? I did. Not the FUCKING clone wars. WHo cares???

whod99 Aug 3rd, 2008 01:13 AM

Honestly, I never really understood the sheer amount of hatred and rage directed at the prequels. I recently re-watched the original three movies, and there as plenty of delightfully ridiculous moments in that trilogy as well. The one example that sticks in my mind (beyond the whole Boba Fett's epic failure) was how shiny Darth Vader was--he glows like the sun! And let us not forget the Ewoks...

Alcibiades Aug 3rd, 2008 06:46 AM

Making Yoda and Palpatine flip out style ninjas was stupid. They were much, much cooler in the original trilogy where they were both philosophical behind the scenes manipulators that were physically frail but had a powerful attunement to the force.

DALI-II Aug 3rd, 2008 09:17 AM

The prequels all suck. Everyone of them. I, thankfully never saw Attack Of The Clones. However i DID see Phantom Menace.

It is one of 2 movies that nearly made me physically sick.

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