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-   -   Editorials - TV Shows I Really Wish Dexter Morgan Would Visit (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69700347)

MockBot Aug 14th, 2008 03:27 AM

Editorials - TV Shows I Really Wish Dexter Morgan Would Visit
Automatically generated comment thread for Editorials - TV Shows I Really Wish Dexter Morgan Would Visit.

greenimp Aug 14th, 2008 05:41 AM

yes, muhahaha, if dexter dosent do it i will.

JakeOfAllTrades Aug 14th, 2008 06:47 AM

I remember when my mother thought this Dexter show sounded like a horrific premise, started watching it, and loved it. I'm not so familiar with Family Matters, Full House and Cavemen, but they seem sucky to me, especially since I saw an episode of Full House in America when I was visiting Disneyland.

McFly Aug 14th, 2008 08:44 AM

I think you could probably add some of the stupid reality shows that are out there, especially the ones that are spawned from MTV. This station that once played music videos is all about reality shows including the Real World, Laguna Beach, and the Hills. This is not including the “I am ever-so-rich” Cribs, and “daddy-buy-me-that” My Super Sweet 16.

The sad thing about this is once they do away with some of these reality shows, about 5 more would pop up in its place.

Julio Aug 14th, 2008 09:14 AM

This is an amazing article Proto. It brought me plenty of chuckles while at my animation class at college. I have to apologize with the rest of my fellow mockers for making such a long comment, but I feel I have a lot to say about this.

Despite I haven't seen Dexter Morgan's show so far (I have seen commercials about it, but either I'm never at home nor I have the time to watch it) I agree with several of your proposals in order to make sure that plenty of these characters suffer a painful death.

I remember how most of the "elite" assholes that attended the same high school I did liked Friends to the point that they were actually trying to achieve the same way of living. Now, I've never watched such an awful show and it never got such attention from my part even with heavy rotation of commercials between every other show on TV. It is evident that the whole cast deserved to be destroyed.

As controversial as this may seem, I have to agree with your decision of adding The Simpsons to the list, but I have another powerful reason besides the fact that they have ceased to be as funny as they used to be. In Mexico, this show used to kick some serious butt since the nineties and it had one of the most awesome ratings despite having re-runs every now and then. Unfortunately, several seasons ago the voice actors that gave the awesome Spanish voices (Mexican Spanish, mind you) to the whole cast were fired because they were asking for a raise in their respective salaries. This is sad, because a lot of people know how good the Mexican dubbing is in the whole world and they clearly deserved a compensation after many years of loyal service. The result was that they replaced the previously famous voice actors with a new cast that now pretends to imitate their very same accents with horrendous results. This, plus the fact that the show has fallen in humor quality, makes me wish that it ended its Mexican broadcast a long time ago. I can live with the re-runs, trust me.

I always loved Full House, but the most fatal flaw it had was Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as the annoying Michelle. I won't give any further details, but her death should be a teddy bear rigged to explode when she receives a hug from that silly kid (kids?).

Finally, I don't know why you don't watch Two and a Half Me more being such an awesome sitcom. It always make me laugh with some of the antics that Charlie (Charlie Sheen's character name in the series, how original =P) pulls every time. I have to admit though that his brother Alan usually annoys me to the point of wanting to turn off the TV, risking any potential joke involving him.

A show (or rather shows) that I seriously consider you include in this hit list are the nasty Mexican Telenovelas that are broadcasted here late night. The same fucking story, the same cliches, the same lame characters... It is a painful experience for all of us (specially men, although I know of some weird specimens that do watch them) when our mothers or girlfriends can't stop talking about the most recent episode that doesn't make any difference AT ALL regarding the previous ones. Feel free to ask if you want to know more. I don't need to watch those atrocities to know what the hell is going on with a lot of gossip regarding them every single day. Perhaps that's the way I'll day: Having Dexter Morgan watch telenovelas all day long until my brain ceases any sign of coherent activity.

Julio Aug 14th, 2008 09:19 AM

I don't know what the hell I was thinking wile writing this, but in my last paragraph I wanted to say "That's the way I'll die".

Funky Fried Chicken Aug 14th, 2008 10:25 AM

Could Dexter bring Alejandro's corpse from Heroes to the train tracks to make her demise that much more fun? Pretty much the second those two were introduced I knew the second season was going to be a lot of suck. And it was! Yay! Now, I know, they had to turn a mid point episode into a finale but still....it really sucked. The best parts, as always, were Hiro. Ooh, and right after Bennett shoots Nathan Dexter should shoot Peter in the head with a hollow point bullet, no coming back from that.

He needs to kill off The Wiggles. Maybe switch that pirates sword with a real one so that when he tickles them he slices them up. Hey, I'm a Kindergarten teacher, these things become common knowledge.

Skating With Celebrities
, just for their replacement of Arrested Development, just have the ice break while they're all skating or something. In fact, while we're at it let's throw all the cast members current and former of reality television shows down the hole while we're at it. Even The Surreal Life so that we'll never have to hear about Flavor of Love or I Love New York or any of the crap that came from it.

He should visit the house in Step By Step and one by one just push them all down the steps.

Anything on MTV after Singled Out and Loveline went off the air, not that they were great shows but that was about the end of any quality programming on MTV (The Maxx and The Head anyone?

Oh, and the mother fucking Neutrino's from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Of all the stupid characters thrown in to make a toy line I hated them the most.

Angryhydralisk Aug 14th, 2008 12:13 PM

Predictable, but toally rad (and something any self-respecting person watching tv for 20-some years would want to choose to kill). Proto, it's like your "hit list" articles are the new "Things That Must Be Destroyed". Good times.

And they really have a show based on the Cavemen!? That made me laugh.

Colonel Flagg Aug 14th, 2008 01:14 PM

Great premise for an article, Proto.

Friends demise should also include Dexter showing them how "Friendly" they are in prison first. My GOD how I hate that show.

Trivia - Alan (John Cryer, playing Charlie Sheen's doofus brother on 2½ men) got his start as a child actor playing opposite Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink" . I believe his character was named "Ducky". Just another reason why he must die.

Other suggestions? How about Kirk "you're all going to HELL" Cameron from "Growing Pains"? Dexter could pour hot flaming oil all over his ass.

Tom Foolery Aug 14th, 2008 01:19 PM

What if Dexter Morgan visited Six Feet Under and tried to kill David Fischer? Now that would be very trippy indeed.

Oh, and Dexter should definately kill Orko from Masters of the Universe. Orko's so lame.

Miroslav208 Aug 14th, 2008 02:01 PM

Come on, seriously, the Simpsons? Yes, they should have been stopped seasons ago, but they don't deserve to be utterly terminated.

McFly Aug 14th, 2008 02:08 PM

Yes Alan Cryer was “Duckie” from Pretty in Pink. Needless to say, he likes to play in roles that require a lot of whining.

As for the show “Cavemen” it was cancelled after 6 episodes, which showed that the world may still have a soul left.

Huh!? Aug 14th, 2008 02:45 PM

McFly's idea to have Dexter massacre MTV reality "stars" is a great one. Imagine a show based on that premise... it'd be a license to print money!

LadyMage Aug 14th, 2008 02:53 PM

honestly, I liked home improvement, it was better then fucking 'everybody loved raymond' my mother loved that show but I thought it sucked badly, I so wanted to kill raymond and the mother in law at least, (actually the only one I would have spared was the father, and maybe the brother) and family matters as ok, I liked steve cause sterotype or not in the end (yes I did see the final episodes) he got the girl, not bad for a dated nerd if you ask me

Relaxing Dragon Aug 14th, 2008 03:30 PM

Being a diehard Simpsons fanboy who was raised on the show, I really don't want to agree on that choice. I'm trying very hard to disagree. But considering the state of the show at this point, even I'm getting to the point where I need to throw in the towel (just one laugh an episode sometimes). But I consider it more a mercy killing at this point, and don't think they deserve the more outlandish methods outlines up there.

Aries Aug 14th, 2008 05:23 PM

I can't believe nobody mentioned Will & Grace! The whole cast needs to be wiped out.

wetstereorebel Aug 14th, 2008 05:49 PM

Alan Cryer? I thought it was Jon Cryer.

wetstereorebel Aug 14th, 2008 05:51 PM

But, more importantly:

Where is the new "Tales from the Longbox," Proto?

Protoclown Aug 14th, 2008 05:56 PM

I am actually working on it now. It'll be up sometime next week.

And yes, Aries, I agree about Will and Grace. The five minutes of one episode I saw was enough to make me want to rip my own head off.

briny bill Aug 14th, 2008 07:08 PM

so dexter is like the boondock saints

Pentegarn Aug 14th, 2008 07:28 PM

I can think of quite a laundry list of characters I am surprised you didn't list such as....

Balki Bartokomous on Perfect Strangers
The entire cast of Growing Pains
The entire cast of Family Ties except Alex Keaton
The entire cast of Family ties INCLUDING Alex Keaton
Gloria Bunker/Stivic of All in the Family
Snarf from Thundercats

I could go on but my hands would hurt from the endless typng :P

McFly Aug 14th, 2008 11:44 PM

John Cryer, my bad...

Copper Aug 15th, 2008 12:13 AM

Seifeld. Yes, even Kramer. I'm sorry, but the show's premise literally is *nothing* and when a show runs for, what, nine seasons? Something like that, and I've only ever seen four episodes because they're the same ones they run over and over and over again, it ceases to be funny.

Oh yes, and Survivor. Pretty much copy the whole "American Idol" thing and that's my solution.

I can agree with most of the rest of the list, although maybe not Urkel. Sure, he had that voice, but that was part of what made him endearing. Unlike Ray Romano. My father always disliked that show because he and his wife were always fighting about something. Got on his nerves.

Ferrit Aug 15th, 2008 01:15 AM

God - I am so happy that - with the exception of the first 10 seasons of The Simpsons - I've never watched any of these shows. Ever.

Unfortunately - other than that one free Showtime weekend - I've never seen much of Dexter either :( yeah, I know, they ran it on network TV. A cable show about a serial killer on network TV? no thanks.

Mister Tea Aug 15th, 2008 01:27 AM

Call me crazy, but like Dex's traditional modus operandi: strap the bastards to a table and dismember 'em with a power saw.

And after Saget is done violating the corpses of the Olsen twins, go ahead and put him on the slab, too; anyone who could ruin a perfectly good nut-shot with that stupid falsetto voice is just ASKING to be cut into pieces.

RadioNinja Aug 15th, 2008 02:36 AM

I laughed out loud at the thought of Danny Tanner alone in a house full of corpses.

"Normal people are so hostile."

Cruxader Aug 15th, 2008 03:09 PM

My Thoughts:

Home Improvement: I actually kind of liked this one. I enjoy the obvious "male stupidity" because it reminds me a bit of myself.

Friends: Again, I liked this one. Two reasons: Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston = hot; Joey and Chandler = Male Stupidity. See above.

Simpsons: I could go off on this for days. Jumped the shark LOOOOONG ago. And don't all you fan-boys get your panties in a wad over it, because it's the truth. Those of us who grew up with the "REAL" Simpsons know what were talking about. Amen Proto!

Family Matters: Urkel was quite possibly the first sitcom character I ever wanted to kill.

Full House: So bad for so long. Stamos... ugh.

Cavemen: Thankfully canceled before I had a chance to sit down in a pool of gasoline with a lighter...

Two and 1/2 Men: I find this one mildly entertaining. I haven't seen it enough to hate it I suppose.

American Idol: ...A-W-F-U-L...

Everybody Loves Raymond: Again, mildly entertaining. Probably due to the "Male stupidity factor" again.

Heroes: Another "fan-boy" show I don't get. I tried desperately to see what all the hoopla was about this show and can't understand it. It's a slightly more serious version of Greatest American Hero for the most part.

yabuturtle Aug 15th, 2008 11:00 PM

Meh, I'm not sure exactly why Simpsons should be killed. Yes of course, they have gone down a little although every once in a while they'll have a funny new episode. I'm not sure if they deserve to die, but hey, that's just my opinion.

Everyone else I think should be utterly dismembered and annihilated from the face of the Earth. Especially those Cavemen. Good God...

Mental Pooperscooper Aug 16th, 2008 04:32 AM

all I have to say is, everything on the disney chanel

DarkfireTaimatsu Aug 16th, 2008 04:32 AM

There's this Canadian teen drama my sister likes to watch that just makes me want to vomit. Degrassi, or something like that. In fact, pretty much everything my sister watches should be terminated. Gilmore Girls, Seventh Heaven, all those live-action "teen" shows on Nick and Disney... Anything my sister enjoys makes a good starting point of "things to avoid".

Also add Smallville, coz it went severely off-tangent and basically doesn't relate to the comics at all. Pete Ross is black! Kids with weird powers from Kryptonite meteors! Brainiac is some kid! We only vaguely know anything about Superman! Eesh.

cyberwolf77 Aug 16th, 2008 07:33 AM

Send Dexter after Will& Grace. That whole cast just needs to die in a horrible bloody disaster.

JakeOfAllTrades Aug 16th, 2008 09:20 AM

Dexter should go after Gossip Girl. But the worst he'd do to a non-murderer would be to ruin their reputations, or disfigure all the Gossip Girl characters horribly. Then he might kill them, for mercy.

Angryhydralisk Aug 16th, 2008 12:25 PM

I've never seen the whole hoopla over Heroes or Lost to be honest. It's almost like tv executives are just pulling stuff out of a hat and pushing it to the moon, right next to the video executives who pushed Assassin's Creed for no reason whatsoever.

But yeah, I'd love to see Dexter visit the Brady Bunch. Damn yuppies.

Max Power Aug 16th, 2008 11:20 PM

I really loved the early Simpsons, and a few months back I tried to give it one last shot when I heard Homer's mom, Mona Simpson, was returning for the third and last time. After watching it, I can't believe how they screwed it up so much and I cried inside.

Jimboroni Aug 16th, 2008 11:38 PM

I used to intern for a small TV station, and I had to write a bunch of ad copy for the fall season. I remember trying to write ads for some of them and thinking, "Good Lord, how am I supposed to make these shows sound good?"

DALI-II Aug 17th, 2008 07:47 AM

Two words: FAMILY GUY.


Poxpower Aug 17th, 2008 12:36 PM

More like





Roggs Aug 17th, 2008 06:25 PM

Man, Proto, first you trash on Boston and Kansas, now this?

You wouldn't be trying to alienate your readers, would you?

"Next week, worst video games ever:
Final Fantasy VII
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Super Mario Brothers 3
And so on..."

Some of it's decent, some of it's crap, but I think you've got a heavy case of the I-hate-them-because-other-people-like(d)-thems.

Kitsunexus Aug 18th, 2008 12:30 AM


"Dude, that's like bad fanfiction."


"OK, get on that."

Welcome to I-Mockery, where the content light is always green.

Protoclown Aug 18th, 2008 12:22 PM

Welcome to Kitsunexus's posts, where he's always an idiot.

And Roggs, which one of those characters do you disagree with me wanting to kill off? I seriously can't even imagine which one of them is remotely defendable.

Mister Tea Aug 18th, 2008 01:34 PM

Well, the Simpsons WERE defensible, but only about five seasons ago. But let's give him some credit, Proto: it does take some serious balls to paint Full House and Friends as the TV equivalents of Half-Life and Ocarina of Time.

Kitsunexus Aug 18th, 2008 08:49 PM

Haha, Protoclown, how could you get our names mixed up? XD

Nick Aug 19th, 2008 05:57 PM

I've never watched any of those shows. Thank god.

Kilgore Cod Aug 19th, 2008 09:56 PM

I'd suggest Carlos Mencia, Scrappy Doo and the cast of Mad About You.

Protoclown Aug 20th, 2008 12:40 AM


Originally Posted by Kitsunexus (Post 574768)
Haha, Protoclown, how could you get our names mixed up? XD

Oh man, I would have replied sooner, but I spent the last twenty four painful hours reeling from this brutal verbal assault.

(Note: the previous statement should be taken as irony, unless you are under the age of twelve as I assume you to be--in which case, grape job!)

testtube Aug 20th, 2008 11:18 AM

I've had the good fortune of only seeing good TV shows, I seem to have a sharp douchebag detector that can sense even the smallest trace amounts of douchebagginess from one glance at a promo photo. Thats why I've not seen a single episode of Heroes or any of those other shows made past 1993, and only get exposed to the goods, usually on DVD at someone elses place (like The Prisoner, South Park etc). I am refusing to watch Dexter simply because the of alarming amount of douchebags I hear talking about it. "dude that show is so sick, its like, he's a serial killer" "i love that show dexter, he kills people" "my WU-IFE loooves Dexter, its about a serial killer but he only KILLS BAD PEOPLE!" "well I like Dexter, he cuts people up and kills them!"

Kilgore Cod Aug 23rd, 2008 05:46 PM

Takes one to know one I guess.

I keed I keed. I haven't ever watched Dexter or Heroes or Lost or 24 or whatever is popular these days, not because I'm an elitist snob but rather because I don't really like watching tv these days.

Mister Tea Aug 31st, 2008 12:23 AM

I understand where you're coming from, testtube: I only got into Dexter because I watched it before there was any real hype over it. Had the raving nerds gotten to me first, I'd have never given it a chance. They're the main reason why I don't watch Lost, Heroes, or anything written by Joss Whedon; their painful enthusiasm makes anything seem unappealing.

homor Sep 16th, 2008 01:38 AM

i actually like some of these shows and still find this article amusing.

Palmerholic Oct 18th, 2008 09:06 PM

Sort of bumping an old blog post, but I'd like Dexter to come in and kill Dr. Wilson from House MD. He should have left for good.

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