My Life is Currently like a Bad Sitcom
 

I really don't believe it......

What has recently happened to me could be straight from 'One Foot in The Grave'.

My local City Council or RENEW are serving me with a Compulsory Purchase Order so they can knock down my house. Now that was bad. It's a scheme to improve housing in the UK, kicking people out of the houses they own and giving them a shitty price for it. Quite legal and for our own good though apparently because we live in working class homes we are too stupid to realise it. This has been going on for 9 months and I was getting my head around it. BTW there's nothing wrong with my house, it's in very good condition, but it's a terrace and some in the row behind me are a bit dodgy. So of course the whole block has to go and has absolutely nothing to do with the road the council wants to build to all the new crappy flats they've built recently.

So I eventually found a new home and last week I had my offer accepted and the mortgage company agreed the transfer. All was going well and I went on holiday for a week, thinking all my worries were over.

Yesterday the Estate Agent phoned me, a little nervous, this was a new one on her. RENEW have made a bit of a mistake.... they've accidentally entered my NEW home and gutted it!! Ripped out the carpets, the kitchen, bathroom and fireplace. Totally empty now.

Not sure how this happened but I've been told that 'someone' got the wrong street. So when the key they were given didn't open the lock, 'someone' drilled the lock and broke in and tore everything out. Then replaced the lock with a new one. Who knows who has the key now.

My housing Agent laughed hysterically, the Council Solicitor was aghast. I was gob smacked and couldn't stop laughing too, but it is quite serious.

So not only are they knocking down my current home, they've buggered up my new one. As the mortgage company haven't inspected the property yet, I may no longer get the mortgage because the property is no longer as described when the price agreed.

The new house being gutted is totally disconnected to my current house being demolished, but quite an amazing coincidence, being done to the same person by the same organisation. Bad luck like this is the stuff of comedy.

This could only happen to me.

So are they going to pay you for the fuckup, or are they going full-on socialist bureaucratic on your sorry ass?

I'm meeting some people about it tomorrow, but no one is quite sure what happens in this situation as no one involved has ever come across a situation like this before. It's quite unique.

Petition a group of hippies to stand outside your old house to keep em from demolishing it until they fix the new one. :lol

You should give The Sun a call, they love stories about the government's incompetence. I'm sure they could come up with a catchy headline too - "RENEWBS".

"I don't be-lieve it!"

Ever seen the Father Ted ep where he beats Father Ted up for shouting the catchphrase?

Anyhow, it seems like it's their fault and up to them to make things right.

I considered lying in front of the bulldozers myself, what with it being the end of the world today, it would quite apt. But as the terraces are on a hill, once the others are knocked down, mine will slide down the hill into a disused factory anyhow.

Yes it is, but previous dealing with them makes me think it won't. Loads of people in my area have been so badly ripped off by them. In fact the stress of Compulsory Purchase Orders has caused two heart attacks in elderly residents, killing one. Another elderly couple have to move out quick because the guy is dying of cancer and wants to settle his wife in a new home before he dies. Many people in my area cannot get a new mortgage because they are too old, so are being kicked out of houses they fully own to now have to rent for the rest of their lives. They've gutted many houses without turning off the water and flooding the neighbours. The area has turned into a huge crimefest because people are looting for lead/copper/fixtures etc and nothing is being done despite many complaints. The best help the local police to is read out a list of local crimes committed at residents meeting and telling us to paint any tools stored in sheds pink so that they are hard for thieves to sell in the pubs. I don't know where to get suitable pink paint for tools to gayify mine.

So I'm not depending on them to do the right thing. Stupid people don't know how to.

That is why you should get The Sun involved.

Wait for the bulldozers to come, lie down in front of one. Then go to the pub

rather, trick the foreman into trading places with you

would you read the fucking thread already, d to the p

They can't touch your house without a 27 stroke C.

drink 3 beers and then ask ford about your home

I was pretty appalled when I open this "newspaper" and there are naked ladies in it! It was in public and I was embarrassed. But it turns out it's normal, and that maybe describing it as a newspaper is a bit generous.

I'm sure they can help.

Get a business loan and buy a small apartment building and rent it out to the old people who can get a mortgage. Then get a government subsidy for taking in the impoverished. You will have government money and old people money then.

Old people money smells weird.

Man, where do you live? It sounds like it should be near me.
We keep getting stuff nicked, like our gate.

Deposit it in the bank and you dont have to smell it. It spends the same over a check card.

Take peanuts, you lose a lot of sodium in teleportation

place the junk mail in front of the hole, hang the towel on a hook, and press the red dispenser button.

Do you have an attorney? That would be my first step. Then I'd put my events to paper and market the story.

I used to work at a housing quango. you're right, the key could be with anyone. the road to recompense is long, arduous and fraught with bureaucracy.

go to the papers - they might be shits, and you might have to perfect your 'expression of anger/disgruntlement' for the photos, but councils act quickest when they're saving face.

I have been to the local paper and was interviewed. They made me stand on the doorstep and look woefully up the street for a photograph. They made me do other traditional local paper poses too, looking around the doorframe and one foot against the wall. The humiliation was immense.

I've contacted Citizen's Advice Bureau to see what can be done. May need a solicitor. Mortgage company wants various things in writing. It's one big ball ache. I picked the wrong time to give up drinking.

I hope you scan the article and show it to us.

did they have you do one where you are holding your hands together like it is a pistol and aiming at pretend bad guys

Don't forget your towel, and don't panic!

Damn, no.

I think I may have accidentally invoked an Egyptian curse whilst visiting the tombs/pyramids last week. One of the other people on the trip has returned home to find his house completely flooded. If something bad and house-related happens to one more person from that trip it will be more than a coincidence and worthy of being made into a TV film.

yeah haha this is just an elab...elabor...at...

a giant funny towelie refrents

I think that something like this happened on Mama's Family one time, and they saved the house but angered the rest of the neighborhood by finding some document that meant they had a majority share in the development or something, so they canceled it. Give that a try!

OMG had a bit of a snowball effect. It ended up on the FRONT PAGE!!! then I got Nationals contacting me including ITN News. ITS NEWS!!! I feel sick now.

Link to article pls. >:

I think it's news worthy.

The actual article gives out my full name and the road where I live, so this is why I've not posted it. I already had some random man phone me who used to own a flower shop, no idea how he got my number but he was friendly, but odd. Supportive though.

IF YOU TRUST A FLOWERMAN TO BE SUPPORTIVE, WHY NOT US? >:

Because of people like me, Dylan?

It took me a while longer than you Pub.

:lol

I dig the garbs. And the hair.

Just generally pretty.

Oh shit nigga tryin to be smoove'

Fucking hater

I found it too!

"The whole affair has left a very sour taste in my mouth."

I would imagine it would!

I found it and then I felt creepy like Pub Lover. :(

I feel out of the loop and unnerved about not being able to :(

Don't. Finding it will just make you realize that you had no good reason for looking for it.:(

I found it, too! At least city council will apparently pay for all the repairs, so you get the new house with all new insides :O

Bod;

Air fare is too expensive for any of the broke-ass fools on this board to come and stalk you.

Nice to see you back.

Well I'm not surprised, tis the net after all.

BTw quotes I did not say...sour taste in my mouth... and ...cherry on the cake. But words to that effect.

What has me angry is claims by the council that they have apologised, for they have not even spoken to me. I emailed my councillor about this and he sent me a shitty email back. Perhaps he was annoyed I'd copied in the local press? Still had no apology anyhow.

The council have offered to install new stuff "like for like". Anyone in the UK will tell you that the council's idea of a decent job and quality goods is SHIT. They will put in the cheapest crap with the cheapest labour. I told the estate agent I would prefer a settlement that I could add to and put something good in instead. The council have gone in again today without telling me and started 'fixing' it. I'm so angry, I only know this cos the BBC phoned me to tell me.

Oh and I'm on local TV news tomorrow too. BBC midlands and Central news. I'm kinda scared.

Don't worry! Tha camera will love you, darlin'!

HEY, PUT IT ON YOUTUBE AND LET US SEE

After seeing it I dunno! I believe the real important stuff got edited out. The TV claimed that all the houses in our area were knocked down and replaced by 'stylish' flats. NO. Some cheap and tiny flats and house were built. They look new now but in a few years will be tatty. They have tiny rooms and no storage space. And now the contractors have run out of money so there's just a lot of empty derelict houses and wasteground, plus many looters looking for lead/copper/tiles etc. Crime rate gone up. None of this was mentioned. It wasn't told that it took me media news coverage to get an apology or that the council treated me like shit.

AND Nobody told me I walked like a rugby player!! I told the camera man no arse shots but you can see my fat arse waddling down the street. And my hair looks brown when it's purple.

But I'll put it on soon, but am rather busy at the mo - got local radio station coming around after work tonight. Then on Friday my MP is coming around for apparently he is appalled by the way I've been treated by the council (I'd copied him in on all emailing). I've even been told I can quote him as being appalled! Oh yeah it's all appalling!!!!!

Ah sod it, this version doesn't have the over acting from the presenters though, which is a disappointment,
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...re/7621888.stm

Hahaha!

You couldn't have I-Mock on your screen? Only women hate big asses most men love then cushy.

The bigger the cushion, the deeper the pushin'.