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-   -   Weekly Movie Review: G.I.JOE: The Rise Of Cobra (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69702730)

MockBot Aug 11th, 2009 02:24 AM

Weekly Movie Review: G.I.JOE: The Rise Of Cobra
Automatically generated comment thread for Weekly Movie Review: G.I.JOE: The Rise Of Cobra.

Purple Man Aug 11th, 2009 03:02 AM

I switched my brain off. It was good. Ms Nichols is hawt and Eccleston is the Destro of my dreams. But had problems with brainwashing aspects. Also missed the individual uniforms. Oh well, it was as good a treatment as an nostalgic toy commercial could get I suppose.

puppetgeneral39 Aug 11th, 2009 03:55 AM

The blazing unstoppable idiocy of the film is unquestionable. Even my die hard Transformers\Gi Joe\Anything 80's friends agree. And they LOVED Transformers 2. Farting robots and all.

We agreed it was, for sure, fun as hell all things considered.

The Baroness\Duke crap pissed me right off though. New story or not it was useless. The starting romance was fine but how it ended and it's trip there was just a headache.

Nick Aug 11th, 2009 04:11 AM

I would like to go see this. I should do that soon.

peh_ Aug 11th, 2009 07:30 AM

I might see this now based on your review...

Pentegarn Aug 11th, 2009 09:22 AM

Haven't gone yet, but it sounds like as long as I cjeck my brain at the door it will be worth a look. That's good news.

And I liked Zartan's bizarrely unexplained echo :P

All Hail Duke Aug 11th, 2009 01:43 PM

didn't really care for it outside of a few things

captain516 Aug 11th, 2009 02:48 PM

I enjoyed it very much.

Mockery Aug 11th, 2009 03:23 PM

I just can't pay money to go see a movie that features a Kid Rock song in the trailer (and, as Dr. Boogie pointed out, the always annoying Marlon Wayans). I'll see it for free when it eventually comes out on cable. My only interest in the movie is seeing Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes duke it out (Ray Park is always fun to watch), and I'm glad they didn't fuck with the look of their costumes much like they did with some of the other characters.

FistfulOAwesome Aug 11th, 2009 05:04 PM


Originally Posted by Purple Man (Post 641042)
I switched my brain off. It was good.

You really shouldn't say that on this site: http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/t...-brain-off.php

Anyway, I'll check out the movie this Friday. At the very least it's shorter than Transformers/2, so it's got them beat there. Plus, you don't argue with Ninja fights.

All Hail Duke Aug 11th, 2009 05:33 PM

saw Transformers ROTF earlier,GI Joe was less stupid and didn't drag but they're both pretty bad

have zero hope for the Thundercats movie being any good at all

Purple Man Aug 11th, 2009 09:21 PM

"You really shouldn't say that on this site: http://www.i-mockery.com/visionary/t...-brain-off.php"

LUlz - I forgot about that.

robo_rob Aug 11th, 2009 10:04 PM

For the most part I was happy with this movie. Sure some of the changes in origins and characters relationships I could have done without, however for the most part I really enjoyed myself.

Doctor_Who Aug 11th, 2009 11:41 PM

I'll go see it this weekend. I just know I'm going to be upset by the Baroness' lack of an accent (why else would I have been in love with her when I was five?), but having CHRISTOPHER AWESOME ECCLESTON as Destro will probably make up for it.

Copper Aug 12th, 2009 04:25 AM

I've been having my misgivings about going to see this, mostly due to trailers I've seen featuring Marlon Waynes. The trailer I saw featuring Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes *did* make me want to go see it, hence my being torn. I suppose I'll catch it once it hits the dollar theater around here or if I can catch a matinee.

Although I say "Boo! Hiss!" to them mucking up the Scarlett/Snake-Eyes pairing but I'd rather have it not be there than seem forced.

Marthaeus Autolykos Aug 12th, 2009 06:00 PM


Hollywood needs to lay off all this raping of my childhood for a quick buck. What's next, Care Bears rendered in CGI with cybernetic limbs and laser beam eyes that make things explode in fiery conflagration?

Protoclown Aug 12th, 2009 06:04 PM


Originally Posted by Marthaeus Autolykos (Post 641369)
What's next, Care Bears rendered in CGI with cybernetic limbs and laser beam eyes that make things explode in fiery conflagration?

That would be kind of awesome, actually. :eek

Doctor_Who Aug 12th, 2009 11:51 PM

That's the only way I would ever watch a Care Bears movie. Get on the horn with Michael Bay now. It's high time he started making up for Transformers.

Kilgore Cod Aug 13th, 2009 12:00 AM

I just came back from seeing it and I really enjoyed it, which really surprised me. It was a thoroughly ridiculous action movie and it never pretended to be anything else. Stephen Sommers knew what we wanted (lots and lots of action) and delivered just that. Cobra's plot is flat out ridiculous and poorly thought out, but so was every single of their plots from the old cartoon, so in that sense I'd say that they nailed it.

Probably the only thing I had a problem with was Cobra Commander. He was awesome in the cartoon cause they never bothered to tell us anything about his origin (and when they finally did, it sucked a 10 foot dick). This movie should had kept a larger air of mystery about him... and the origin they went with doesn't make a whole lot of sense anyway. And his mask at the end...fucking stupid!

captain516 Aug 13th, 2009 12:57 PM

Not giving Shipwreck a parrot is considered rape

HowardC Aug 13th, 2009 06:57 PM

I haven't seen it, and like pickleman I don't intend to see it until it comes out for free. The problem I have with it and pretty much every other movie remake is that they changed ANYTHING. Why do they change anything at all? Is it too much to ask to make it IDENTICAL to the cartoon, the comic book or a combination of both? I mean the original obviously made a butt-load of money so why fix something that isn't broken?

The best adaption movie of all time is Mortal Kombat and there is a reason for that. They changed virtually NOTHING about the franchise. Characters looked identical, fighting was identical, plot was identical. And it did really well considering it's non-existant budget. So I'm sorry, but I refuse to compromise even an inch. I want the Joes in their ridiculous outfits, I want trouble bubbles, I want metal face shield, cobra-la, spat wearing cobra commander, and I want a plot that would fit right in with the already established gijoe universe.

And most importantly I want a WAYNES FREE experience. Putting him in there is the equivelent of putting Anthony Anderson in transformers... completely unnecessary and ultimately distracting from the feel of the movie.

Transformers is suffering from this syndrome as well. Take the original Bay movie, replace the cube with the matrix of leadership, replace a few hundred years with a few million years, bring back the Arc and decepticon ship, use the original g1 designs (and voices/personality) rename sam and michalia to spike and carlee and change NOTHING about the plot and you've essentially got the pilot episode to transformers. So why not just make the pilot episdoe of transformers?

This has gotten me pissed off again.... I'm going to leave now and kick random objects/people for a few hours to calm down.

I just wanted you all to know.

Well now you know and knowing is half the battle.

captain516 Aug 13th, 2009 08:37 PM

:lol Thanks Howard, I needed a good laugh.

Kilgore Cod Aug 13th, 2009 09:18 PM

"Is it too much to ask to make it IDENTICAL to the cartoon, the comic book or a combination of both?"


Protoclown Aug 13th, 2009 11:48 PM

If you made it a combination of both the cartoon and the comic, it would be identical to neither.

Alcibiades Aug 14th, 2009 10:55 AM

C'mon, if they have to live action something, they should be doing Mighty Max. Thankfully the villain would already be cast (Tim Curry, greatest villain voice ever), but I have no idea who you could actually cast as Max...

I'd almost be tempted to say Jason Statham as Norman... whoever plays Snape would be a good voice for Vergil...

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