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-   -   Impress me with your injuries. (http://i-mockery.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69706932)

Kitsa Jun 28th, 2011 08:13 PM

Impress me with your injuries.
The reason I thought of this is because I have one magnificent motherfucker of a bruise I incurred earlier today. I was walking fast and hit the sharp edge of a solid steel desk so hard that it moved the whole thing half a foot. :lol I got a sort of black and blue stripe across my thigh right away, but it's one of those that feels like someone implanted a baseball in your muscle. I look forward to all the new and exciting colors it will turn in the next week or so.

When I was a lot younger, I was running on a board sidewalk in the rain and slipped, falling on the side of my thigh. I had a giant bruise that went all the way from my hip to my knee.

Even younger than that, my mom decided to polish our dark-brown shower stall with lemon oil before I had a sleepover. We had hard water and the lemon oil temporarily disguised the scummy marks. So I took a shower, my feet flew out from under me, and I sprained my ankle so badly that I was in a cast for a month :\ That time, my leg all the way up to my knee was almost jet black.

I've also gone over the handlebars of a bike and skidded several feet on my face, scraping all the skin off my nose; slammed a door so hard on my finger that the fingertip burst from the impact and it looks a little wonky to this day, and fell down a hill behind a liquor store, landing full force with my knee on a broken glass bottle. I think I put pictures of that one up earlier.

I know that you've all done dumb shit. Your turn.

Dr. Boogie Jun 28th, 2011 09:17 PM

Years ago, I was having an argument with my sister in her room. At the end of it, I walked out, and she slammed the door on the tip of my middle finger. Cut the top quarter-inch almost completely off, and yanked the fingernail out. Not a fun time, but it was interesting watching the exposed flesh slowly dry up and fall away as the newer, thicker fingernail grew up under it.

All Hail Duke Jun 28th, 2011 09:17 PM

attacked by dogs twice during my younger years-first time i was a toddler and the result left scars on my scalp and face; second time i was a couple years old i think, ear was halfway off or something like that but it was stitched back on

have a dent in the back of my skull from being dropped by my mother as a kid

scar on my left forearm is from when i dropped the glass lid off a piping hot pot on myself, and later when the dog wanted to play bit my arm and tore off the burned area and the layer of skin under it

other than that...not much, just a scar on my chest from moving old wood around that had jagged metal sticking out of it, and a small scar on the back of my head from shaving

darkvare Jun 28th, 2011 09:27 PM

i have a 3 inch scar in the palm of my hand a 6 inch scar in my left elbow and another one the same size on my left knee

here are the stories of thesse scars when i was like 5 years old i was sent to fetch a coke which at the time were still packed in glass bottles, long story short as soon as i got home i tripped with my shoe laces and landed right on the shattering bottle openning my my palm it kinda looks like scorpions hand looked in the first mk movie.

the one on my elbow was the result of a failed bike stunt that had to be fixed with the help of surgery, it was left unattended for like a week and they had to take a huge chunk of useless bone, i also had 3 surgical nails installed which were later removed along with the cast without the help of anestesia

the one on my knee pretty simple a car accident the issue about this one was that i had it stitched with no anestesia didn't really hurt but the nurses wouldn't let me watch how they were doing it.

i have really weird foggy memories about that one after we tumbled inside the car the only thing i remember was standing near the wrekage with a nosebleed then triying to walk and feeling pain then ripping my pants and looking at the injury

also my brother broke my right wrist i broke my right pinky toe that one is hilarious cause i was so bored at home that being a dumb kid i decided to take the cast of myself succeding of course and i broke my right index finger and now it cracks every time i press it with my thumb :lol

oh forgot about that time a dog bit my upper lip luckily it was the dog of a surgeon and he stitched me on the spot

ThrashO Jun 28th, 2011 10:00 PM

I have one thats about 2 inches on the bottom right of my palm. Really stupid story. So anyways, I used to like to open beer bottles with a hatchet. My hatchet. It was a badass one given to me by my grandfather.

I was out with some friends around a campfire and a buddy of mine brought coronas. No one had a bottle opener so I borrowed my buddies $6 walmart hatchet, and picture me holding the backside of the hatchet blade where there it is just flat. Now, In my other hand, I'm putting the the beer bottle up against the blade, right under the cap, and I'm pulling the bottle down and pulling the hatchet away to pry off the cap, and this shitty hatchet shatters in my hand. So the hatchet has gotten out of the way, and I drag the bottle, which is still intact, down my hand, and the sharp edges of the bottle cap just scrape a huge strip of meat out. It sucked, especially since I serve tables, my hands are always dirty. Plus I piss and shit and don't wash them at work.

Here's a pic! Mmmm!


As you can see, I dragged the bottle down my hand so fast it skipped 3 times, leaving 4 nice little scars in a strait line.

I've also been shot in my leg from hanging around some really stupid ass old friends that I hadn't seen in along time. Apparently one of my best friends when I was in 1st and second grade was now a drug dealer and some kind of gang banger and someone shot his car up with me in it. I haven't talked to the guy since. I was 16.

The inside of my upper lip is completely fucked up but you can't tell except for a little tiny scar on the outside of my lip. I trashed a motorcycle when I was younger, skidded on my face, and my teeth went THROUGH my lip, I remember poking my tongue through it. I was really young, like 12 and I had no business on this bike, I definetely learned my lesson.

Also, this isn't a scar, but when I was a gay little kid I used to like roller blading, and I would go so fast and look so cool but one time I fell and put all my weight on my knee. My knee was black for a month and I still cannot feel anything in it. At all, it's completely numb on the outside. Kinda sucks but it's also kind of cool.

Otto Jun 28th, 2011 10:48 PM

Because I was an exceedingly stupid child, I once thought at age 7 that it would be a good idea to jump off of one of one of the chairs at my grandmother's kitchen table. Instead of landing on the floor I managed to land face first on one of her stupid nicknacks: a large glass butter churn. I managed to shatter the thing resulting in multiple cuts to my face, neck, and hands, a large puddle of blood all over her expensive carpet (I know it was expensive because my grandmother kept screaming "RON, LOOK WHAT YOUR RETARDED LITTLE BASTARD IS DOING TO MY EXPENSIVE CARPET!"), my grandfather laughing and commenting that I had done my grandmother a favor by destroying "that stupid fucking thing," and had to be rushed to the hospital for fear that I might bleed out.

Another hilarious misadventure from my early childhood was when I grabbed the coiled metal knob on my parent's wood-burning stove after it had burning wood in it all day and managed to sear a red coil into the palm of my hand (Imagine Toht after getting that medallion burned into his hand, only about three years old with a gigantic head and a Super Mario Bros t-shirt). Normally after injuring themselves like that a child would immediately tell their parents, but I was so terrified since every visit to the doctor for me at that age involved blood tests and getting injections that I walked around all day with my right hand clenched into a tight fist until my dad eventually noticed and pried my hand open, saw the burn and dragged me kicking and screaming to the doctor's office.

When I was a baby I managed to fall out of a shopping cart in K-Mart when my parents were looking at something and managed to land on my head and get a concussion. To this day I still have a dent in my head and constant migraines. Also getting a concussion at that age probably explains a lot about my personality.

My other grandmother (the one that didn't refer to me as a "retarded little bastard") used to have a vicious teacup chihuahua. When I was about two years old I tried to eat some of his food out of his dish which ended with me getting mauled by it (seriously I was brutalized by a teacup chihuahua) and having to spend the rest of the day screaming as my grandfather swabbed my bite covered face with Mercurochrome (which makes an open wound burn like a car wreck in Russia) and sedated me with Whiskey (thus beginning my evolution into a functioning alcoholic).

I also managed to set myself on fire multiple times when I was a teenager, but that never really injured me other than causing a couple of scarred places on my leg where hair no longer grows.

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 29th, 2011 12:57 AM

A drunk driver hit my car causing us to then hit a tree. I have herniated lower discs and neck. These cause me to drink a lot for pain management. :/

I grabbed onto my friends car running along side it. My friend took it to 45 mph and I lost my grip and hit the pavement and curb multiple times. :/

The turtle van cut my left palm when I was 3 or 4 causing a deep cut where I still have a scar. :/

executioneer Jun 29th, 2011 01:04 AM


Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 728826)
The turtle van cut my left palm when I was 3 or 4 causing a deep cut where I still have a scar. :/

well maybe that'll teach you not to join any foots clans

10,000 Volt Ghost Jun 29th, 2011 01:08 AM

I was trying to help by being April :(

Otto Jun 29th, 2011 02:26 AM


Originally Posted by 10,000 Volt Ghost (Post 728829)
I was trying to help by being April :(

well now you know what happens when women try to help :rolleyes

executioneer Jun 29th, 2011 03:01 AM

i tried to retrieve a 2yo kid's ball once when i was 10 from some himalayan blackberries

turns out the blackberries were on like a 60 degree slope. they had to cut them down to get me out. so much pain i threw up

Chojin Jun 29th, 2011 03:07 AM


Originally Posted by executioneer (Post 728862)
i tried to retrieve a 2yo kid's ball once when i was 10 from some himalayan blackberries

turns out the blackberries were on like a 60 degree slope. they had to cut them down to get me out. so much pain i threw up


i was walking behind some fat kid who was batting with an aluminum bat and he caught me in the side of the head with it. i had a lump there for maybe 10+ years, idk why it eventually went away. i actually was worried it'd be a problem when i started shaving my head, but it was thankfully not visible

i also once tried to slide down a smooth rock cliff on a trail when i was younger and caught my shoe on a crevice, then tumbled all the way down the hill. i was completely ok. similar story with skiing. i've never broken any bones or needed surgery, and the first time i was ever hospitalized was about 2 years ago for cellulitis in my leg (and it turns out all i needed was antibiotics). i almost never get sick and my constitution rating is 16.

Fathom Zero Jun 29th, 2011 03:12 AM

Shattered tibia and distal fibula. There are pictures of it on here, as a matter of fact! Also, they had to remove screws because I was too skinny and they were messing with my skin. Soooo, two surgeries on that one, I think.

Mad Melvin Jun 29th, 2011 09:16 AM

I have a scar on my nose. I fell face first into an edge of a table or something like that. I was 2 years old, so I don't remember anything about it. I just have to take my parents word for it.

When I was 18, our class took a field trip to some boring company and we had to stand and listen to this white-collar asshole brag about his business for what felt like hours. At some point I started feeling nauseous and I started running for the exit so I can throw up. Suddenly there were bright spots of light in my eyes and I blacked out. When I came to, all of my classmates were standing above me and asking me if I was allright. Thats when the pain started. I had fallen face first into a stone floor and one of my lower front teeth went through my lip. Theres a tiny scar to remind me of that wonderful day.

Colonel Flagg Jun 29th, 2011 11:45 AM

I'm an über-klutz, which is good, since I work with deadly chemicals for a living. Chemicals like ..... SODIUM FLUORIDE!

Anyhoo, hilarious misadventures from my past include setting myself on fire (2nd degree burns) dropping a beaker full of acid (resulting in the early demise of all of my clothing - now THAT was funny!) and hitting myself on purpose with a spanner - well, actually it was an accident, but that doesn't sound nearly as interesting. Expect my laboratory to self immolate any day now.

While in grad school I got a nasty whiff of fluorine gas - gave me the dry heaves for a week.

LordSappington Jun 29th, 2011 12:45 PM

Let's see how long of a list of stupid shit I've done I can make.
When I was in third grade, I was biking to school and hit a rock, which stopped my bike on the spot somehow and slammed my face into the handlebar. I've still got a little dent on my top left cheekbone.
In fifth grade, I was biking around the neighborhood and my bike suddenly slipped out from under me and fell on top of me, so I was scraping along the fresh pavement. This was when my neighborhood decided they wanted to go with jagged pavement instead of smooth pavement, so it was like having a fucking cheese grater for roads. I left a little blood trail when my elbow and hip skin got torn off.
Apparently I crashed my stupid bike again not too long after that, but I can't remember it. My parents say it was pretty bad.
I was walking along the little cliffs in the woods near my house, and the ground broke off beneath me, so I tumbled down a rocky hill for twenty feet or so and blacked out. I woke up maybe ten minutes later, and my scalp was cut up a bit and I was covered in bruises. Didn't need any stitches, but I probably looked like a zombie when I was limping home.
I was in a metal fabrication class in high school, and a kid wasn't paying attention in the welding booth next to me, and had his torch pointed at me. He was using too much acetylene, and a jet of flame shot out and lit my shirt on fire. Had a few slight burns from that.
Another time in that class, I was assigned to pick up all the scrap, and a kid didn't tell me he just got done welding with a piece of metal. Literally melted the fingertips of my right hand; didn't have them for a few months.
Lastly, luckily I didn't actually get injured, but in the same class, I was using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch on a sheet of metal, and some kids were using a tablesaw perpendicular to my table. I don't know what happened, but the 2x4 they were cutting got caught, and then shot out, and whizzed by a foot in front of my face, hit the wall, and shattered into splinters. That thing almost took off my damn head....

ThrashO Jun 29th, 2011 01:09 PM


Originally Posted by LordSappington (Post 728910)

I used to love welding class! Man, I think I saw one of those big ass acetylene tanks fall over like twice, and they never turned into wall-punching head-scooping rockets like my teacher always promised they would :(

fucking cock tease.

This one idiot in the class was welding and instead of slowly making perfect welds he would just use one hand and drag it around, and when this happens the rod will stick to the metal some times. So it's stuck to the metal and he's trying to shake the metal off by flinging it around and it's not coming off, so he smacks it up against the wall in frustration and a molten chunk of welding rod went down his TUCKED-IN shirt. It burned through but was stick stuck behind his apron. He had some gnarly scars but he deserved them.

Sacks Jun 29th, 2011 07:17 PM


Pentegarn Jun 29th, 2011 10:16 PM

My first job was bagging groceries, I used to ride my bike to and from work. This was a new bike so when I rode it I did everything to avoid curbs when riding on sidewalks to save the rims.(I know it is illegal to ride a bike on the sidewalk but what can I say, I'm hard core gangsta) Positioned near a curb I was avoiding was a stop sign that faced the parking lot of this bank, why there was a stop sign here telling people to stop before entering a major road from a parking lot, I will never know, but nonetheless, there it was. It just so happened that the edge of this stop sign was te exact same height as my forehead when sitting on my bike. It was dark outside, probably between 10-11 at night, so I did not see or remember said sign was there, so one second I was avoiding the curb, the next I was on my ass. I get up and am not sure how I got there. I notice my glasses are off of my face, and then I notice a dull pain on my forehead. I rub my forehead and now notice my hand is covered in blood. 25 or so stitches later I now have 2 scars that I can make up all sorts of stories about how I got them.

ThrashO Jun 30th, 2011 12:08 AM

The story that I tell everyone about the scar on my hand is that I was nailing these two german bitches when their big ass husbands came in the room" One held me down while the other one tried to smash me with a big glass vase. I do one of those crazy bruce lee jump up things and go to block the vase and when it hits my hands it breaks but everything is fine and when I get home I slip with the knife while i'm cutting a potato.

LordSappington Jun 30th, 2011 03:33 AM


Originally Posted by ThrashO (Post 728912)
I used to love welding class! Man, I think I saw one of those big ass acetylene tanks fall over like twice, and they never turned into wall-punching head-scooping rockets like my teacher always promised they would :(

Dude, my teacher went on about how God help us if one of those things got its top busted off, since it would fly around with enough force to punch straight through the cement walls and keep going. Whenever I saw one of those things fall over, I'd practically dive for cover, and he'd shout his head off at the poor bastard who did it.
Same with any backflashes into the acetylene tanks; according to our teacher, we had enough canisters to completely level the classroom, and take out a good chunk of the neighboring hallway. Whenever we heard that pop and whooshing noise, most of the class would bolt out of the room, and the teacher and I would sprint to the valves. Never saw an obese redneck run so fast in my life :lol
Couple more stories: About a year ago, I was crossing the street, and some lady was both looking the entirely wrong way while talking on her phone, and hit me. I rolled onto the windshield and fell back down when she braked, and when I got to the sidewalk she sped off. I had a bad-ass bruise on my left thigh, and I didn't even get her license plates.
Another time, in elementary school, I was biking home down a hill with my plastic foam lunchbox dangling from the handlebar. I guess I didn't realize what would happen if it got in wheel. Lunchbox did just that, and threw me straight over the handlebars and onto my back in the street. Probably lucky that I didn't break anything.

k0k0 Jun 30th, 2011 11:48 PM

I have a slight scar under my left eye. I was really drunk and hanging out at a friend's house, petting his mean cat when he remarked to me "You know, cats don't have nipples". I told him that is very untrue, and he dared me to find them on his cat. So I looked and then grabbed one. Then put the cat's tail in my mouth to make it look like a sexual thing I guess and the cat turned around and just jumped on my head like a face hugging alien and in the process of pulling him off, his claw slid from the back of my head all the way to my nose just under my eye. I completely understood and empathized with the cat, as if I was a cat I would have done the same thing. The scratch healed up the side of my head, but left a scar under my eye so that I'll never forget never to put a cat's tail in my mouth as I tweak its nipple.

Evil Robot II Jun 30th, 2011 11:55 PM

I have never been injured nothing can kill me.

Grislygus Jul 1st, 2011 03:28 AM

lol cell phone. unstoppable

Shrubfest Jul 1st, 2011 11:47 AM

I approve of this thread.

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