[James]

Serious topic, so no joking or retards needed.

Basically, it seems that my grandmother on my mother's side is in bad shape. She's been bed-ridden for weeks now with a disease she's had for a long time, and it's nothing she's going to bounce back from to my knowledge. My grandfather may also be on the same route soon enough, due to the possibility of bone cancer or other problems.

These would be my first major experiences with death. I've had a friend's father die, my great-grandmother, my cat, my uncle's mother, and my grandmother on my father's side. The person I was closest to was my cat, out of that whole list. And the hardest one was the wake for my friend's dad, because that was the one filled with the most emotion.

Personally, I imagine I'm going to be fine about their passing. But I don't know how to deal with and help my family when the time comes, or how to deal with the whole situation. There's going to be a wake and funeral, I know. I always feel very creeped out and uncomfortable at those. And I know that there will be a lot of family who will be wrecks, and I don't know how to deal with being around any of this.

It's not that I don't care. It's just I can't handle these things. When there's a death, I usually just shrink into a corner and try to be invisible until it's all over. But this is going to be the first time where it's something I'm going to be surrounded by, and I don't think I can hide or get away from it. All the other times, it was something I wasn't really connected to, and there wasn't much family involved.

So, I'm really not prepared for this, and I don't know how to handle it. I don't deal well with death, at all. Period. And for the most part, it's never been something I've had to really face head-on, aside from my cat. So if anyone has any suggestions for bracing myself for all this, and then dealing with the few days when it happens, I'd appreciate it.