[FS]

I haven't read all of it yet, but right now I have to say: too wordy. I know that's a shitty comment to make, and it's not that I'm generally scared off by unusual words like enthralled and cohorts, but the best reason I can give you is that it sounds insincere.

I know what the words mean, but it feels as if you were thinking colleagues or friends as you were writing and wrote cohorts instead.