Thread: another story
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Protoclown Protoclown is offline
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Old Oct 18th, 2003, 03:52 AM       
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrewKatsikas
He shattered their world. Their lives; work drink sleep. He said that it's a waste of time and you might as well kill yourself in so many words.
Sorry dude, I'm not buying it. If he managed to "shatter their world" by dropping these "amazing revelations" on the bar patrons, then these people were a bunch of fucking pussies. If I'm supposed to believe that these people have just had the shock of their lives, then I as the reader had better be shocked to at least some degree as well, or else I'm not going to be convinced. I think you need to work on the "weight" of this revelation a bit.

The dialogue is also too "high school play" for me to believe anyone in that bar would take him seriously enough to give a shit about what he said.
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