[AChimp]

Obese Adolescent Orator's Thoughts

• "I analyzed the nutritional content of the candy bars I ate for lunch. They only put me ninety points over. I can make up for it by just having three slices of cake after supper."
  
• "While I was pooping, I decided that since I can't see the calories, they must not exist."
  
• "I realized that if my parents didn't have to pay taxes, they could use the extra money to build a chocolate factory in the backyard."
  
• "My mom said the only absolute truth that matters is that I'm her special boy."