And now, for a nice new batch.
-To start things off, we have
Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest. What I find odd is how the ad pretty much says "RPG FOR IDIOTS" in so many words. I don't even think an Edutainment title admits to its simplicity as much as this. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but when a game ad more lor less says "You do not need a brain to play this," I consider it an odd moment.
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The Combatribes. I rented this game, actually. It's a mix of beat-em-up and suck. But I fucking love this ad. Renegade cyborg AND fabulous babe? You're gonna be the envy of your old high school class come Reunion time, Splatterhead. The Combatribes also teaches us violence against women is OK, as long as their bodies are made up of less than 100% bioligcal material. And look at that last frame! Berzerker done punched her retarded, and I laughed for a good 5 minutes at that.
And why the fuck is The Joker in here?
-Speaking of laughing, give me a moment here... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't know if that kid is the stupidest goddam thing I've ever seen in a game ad, or if he's the most awesome goddam thing I've ever seen in a game ad. Regardless, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Berlin Wall is a game about... Who the fuck cares? LOOK AT THAT KID! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
-No, this isn't an ad for Japscat. It's for
VMX Racing, which is apparently about dirtbikes or motocross or something that involves two wheels and mud. But the "guy" there is just really creepy. The vacant stare off into the distance and NOT on the game. The slightly-off mouth showing only a row of pearly white teeth (And I won't even begin to explain why they shouldn't be showing at all, and how the TOP teeth should be at least a little. Err... Too late). That fact that he's completely caked in mud to the point that he looks like the Golgothan from Dogma. He looks like a mindless mud zombie, being controlled by some off-screen mad scientist to play this game, because nobody else will.
-And last for now, we have
Panic!. Got Panic? What's the RIGHT answer to that? I'm guessing "RAPE! RAPE!" So this guy seems to be overjoyed with the milksplosion coming from his nose, and who can blame him? He's got PANIC!. Now, I don't know what a game with a boy in pink overalls and his equally-happy dog could be about, but it's apparently about something downright awful. Look in the corner there. MA-17 rating. What in the holy fuck could be so bad in this game that nobody under 17 is allowed to see it? What the fuck is this game even about? Does it have milk in it? Time to go look for some information over on GameFAQs. No, I don't got Panic!, but I sure as hell wish I did.