[Emu]

I was gang raped by gays once.

It was a cool summer night in 2003. My friends and I went into town to catch a movie and pick up some late dinner at IHOP. We were walking down Reingold Ave. (the one with the bike shop run by old man Michaels, you know the place) when I stopped to pick up what I thought was a dollar on the ground. Unbeknownst to me, my friends had turned the corner and walked off without me, while I was left holding what turned out to be an old Tropical Fruit Skittles wrapper.

The worst was yet to come; while I was leaned over to grab the wrapper, I heard the battlecry of a roving gang of gay men that roam the many streets of the dank city. "GET HIM, GIRLTH!!" and before I knew it, I was thrown into the back of a beige town car and visciously raped by three men while the other two present started making vaguely on-topic quotes from the show "Friends."

I was found battered and given an excellent makeover in a ditch outside of town. I haven't been the same since.