CAR UPDATE
Looking the car over, there are three places on the underside of the body that had apparently rusted out. Instead of, y'know, fixing it, the previous owner just stuck sheets of aluminium over the rusted parts. But they didn't seal it. And, as you can see from the picture of the spare tire compartment, these people drove on a lot of country roads. Meaning about thirty pounds of dirt and rocks managed to gather in the rusted parts and worsen the rust. We opened one of them up and dirt just POURED out of it.
God.