[sadie]

i just keep hearing my mom say she lost all the weight until after my littlest brother, the third kid. and i'm on my fourth. christ. kevin keeps telling me to quit with the this-is-the-way-it-was, but it's hard. like the cigarettes. i didn't even smoke that much, never around the kids, and i can't be around the smell at all when i'm pregnant. but afterward, every time, i go right back to smoking. so i'm thinking, it'll probably be the same this time. stop that, he says. okay; i'll try, i say. shit. i'm rambling. somebody smack me. thanks.