[Johnny Couth]

Why is people think that if there were Vampires, they'd all be ravers/punks/goths that watch horror movies?

"From the looks of the stranger, he looks in his early/mid twenties. Looking at him."

We understand that he's looking.

"opened them again. She looked normal again, "

That sounds gross, say it out loud, try not to vomit.

"He dropped to his knees in the parking lot beside the store, firmly grasping his chest, and panting loudly."

Watch your tenses.

I'll read the rest when all the stupid mistakes in the first part are gone.