[Emu]

1918... After all these years, the memory remains

What did I tell you about the ...'s?

Oh, the memory remains. I get it.

Damian was 45 years old when she died. Her name was Akiko Kitano, his human companion. She not only was his lover, but assistant in his work as a freelance soldier. Her death was very damaging to him. He can remember every detail.

Freelance soldier? In 1918? During World War I? Sure.

Is there even such thing as a freelance soldier? Aren't those people typically called "thugs?" It's your fantasy, so whatever.

Damian limped as he carried Akiko to the foyer of his house, lying her down gently. He had a large cut down and across his eye like a cross. A dagger the size and shape of a Bowie knife was sticking out of his back. Blood seeped out Akiko's side and neck, running through the spaces of the tile floor. Quickly grabbing gauze, he began patching up her wound, shakily saying "Youre going to be alright. Stay calm."

You could just say that a bowie knife was sticking out of his back. That gets rid of the unnecessary "size and shape" part. If walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck, know what I mean, nigga?

I think the tile flooring is an anachronism. I'm pretty sure people in 1918 didn't have tiled foyers. Hardwood was the thing back then. It also gives the house a more of the Gothic feel I think you're trying to go for. Then again, there's also the anachronism of the Japanese girlfriend, who very likely would not have been in England (or New England, as the case may be) in 1918. Though, once again, it's your fantasy, so whatever.

Where did he get the gauze from? Does he just keep it lying around in front of his front door in case of a freak murder? I mean I'm not the only one who does that, right?

I don't know that much about vampyrs really, but it seems like having a large dagger sticking out of his back would prevent him from...what is it? Walking? Yeah. This isn't Dragonball Z. Or is it?

Calmly she smiled. The look in her eyes was a sign of euphoria, a symptom of massive blood loss.

I know I told you that you should treat your audience like they're retarded (because they are) but every apprentice vampyr knows what euphoria is. This sentence sounds like you're describing it for a term paper. You should say "Her smile was euphoric." It establishes that she was smiling and surprises the reader.

I'm going to stop fixing your tenses now, cuz you can do that on your own.

Her eyes widened. The smile was quickly wiped from her face. At the same time, a large black rod burst from her chest. Her body rose from the ground as the owner of it emerged from a portal in the floor.

What?

No, seriously, what? I had to read that two times.

"The owner of it?" The owner of what? Akiko's body?

Portal in the floor? What kind of portal? Your writing is coming down with a severe case of Animu Syndrome, where you describe weird superdimensional shit going on and you assume everybody understands.

It was a male humanoid figure dressed in a dark green two piece suit, and top hat.

Akiko was limply impaled on his cane. Throwing her off, he walked over to Damian.

Cane? I thought it was a rod. How is she hanging from a cane? Does it have a razor-sharp end or something? We need more detail. I use "need" very subjectively.