[Guitar Woman]

Why the fuck did I buy this game!

All this time I was listening to praise for it and was all, OH MAN, I SHOULD TOTALLY GET THIS GAME IT SOUNDS REALLY GREAT, but I never got around to it. Until about a week ago when I picked it up in some Game of the Year edition pack that included both expansions. It sounded like a really good deal!

I started out and chose the least-ugly imperial face I could find, then decided on being a Theif because I am a jerk who likes taking people's stuff. After getting a bunch of PHAT LOOT by trading my shit clothes for light armor and stealing what that guy at the shop had on the table, I decided to go out adventuring!

After a while I came across an elderly man who dropped dead before my very eyes with no apparent cause, which was a ridiculous invitation for me to take his stuff. He had a short sword that dealt lightning damage with every hit, which I thought was pretty fucking awesome.

Then I get to this little crap town being harassed by some horned goblin thing. I didn't care much about the common folk's wellbeing, so I decided to just pass through and pay them no mind.

Then the little fag started following me. I tried to fend him off with my kickass new blade, but for whatever reason none of my attacks seem to register. I guess this means I'm "missing," although I am pretty sure I am really close to all my enemies and dead center with the crosshairs before I try and attack.

So I run away for a while looking for a place to escape to, and halfway through doing that I turn and try to fight again. Apparently one of the villagers didn't like this so he got out his sword and also called a guard over, and together they promptly raped me to pieces. I was then given the option of returning the silver short sword I stole earlier (and why wouldn't I, what with my new magical blade!), so I went to jail like a good boy and when I got out it started me with ZERO HEALTH and I died on the fucking spot.

Also the game is slow as fuck and looks like absolute dick. I think this might be the second worst game I've ever been fooled into playing!