[Sethomas]

I don't own a coffee machine because I'm better than that.

I own some number* of French presses, however.

Speaking as someone who has recently drank coffee made from beans processed out of shit coming from a small Asian mammal, I can say with authority that Starbucks coffee sucks worse than a case of monorchism rounded off by testicular cancer.

*If you need a hint at what kind of number, think integers.