[Grislygus]

Whenever someone takes it upon themselves to criticize you, that's a good thing, no matter how retarded. There's nothing worse than everyone just glancing over everything and bailing.


What pisses me off is when people criticize my cooking. Every goddamn time I volunteer to cook for a large group of people, two to three jackasses/bitches (that I don't know) won't be used to eating tolerable food. THIS WILL CONFUSE AND PANIC THEM.

Bitch A: "Um... what is this?"
Me: "It's a pork tenderloin."
Bitch A: "What's this stuff on it?"
Me: "That's a port glaze."
Bitch A: "OH MY GOD, IT'S RAW. I CAN'T EAT THIS!"
Me: "Shit! Really? Let me see, if it didn-

"what the hell are you talking about, this is pearly white the whole way through."


Bitch A: "I know that. But look at this, [pokes it with her fork] it's way too soft."
Me: "... That's called being tender."

Bitch A, now annoyed: "Uh, yeah. I know. But it's not supposed to be that tender. I can't eat this. It's raw."


Or, alternatively, people freak out because the inside of their steak came out a rosy pink, rather than the dry fucking grey death that they're used to. You can never convince these people that their food isn't raw. Everyone else at the party loves it, everyone else tries to help you explain that TENDER AND JUICY ARE GOOD THINGS, but nothing will ever get these people to realize that they don't know shit about shit. And they make you recook their food until it's DRY AND TOUGH, and the fact that it is now dry and tough after cooking it longer reconfirms their firm belief that it wasn't cooked long enough the first time.















Then they ask you if there's any ketchup.