[Zhukov]

I really hate my current job of working in a garden center selling plants and lawnmowers, but that is entirely because of the people I work for, rather than the job itself.

My worst job was when I was 18 working as a security guard at a visitor center far, far out in the Tasmanian wilderness. It was at least four hours drive (not that I had a car) to the nearest excuse for civilisation, and I did 8 hour night shifts by myself trying not to fall asleep (actually it was WORSE the one time I was with someone else; they would not shut up the whole time) I spent most of my time sitting inside next to the heater reading Viz comics.

One night I heard a crash, so I went outside to have a look; I was scared shitless because it was pitch black dark and I was the only human for kilometers, supposedly. I kept thinking about serial killers living out in the bush. As I walked away from the dim light of the visitor center I realised I left my torch inside, I went back to grab it and found out I had locked myself out (I did this a few times at other security jobs, actually).

Didn't find out what the crash was, but I did get to spend the next five or six hours shivering on a concrete step in the middle of nowhere, dreaming of murderers killing tourists and evading the law by living in such dense bushland. The boss didn't send anyone to give me a lift back like he was supposed to, so I had to hitch hike home with tourists.