[Kitsa]

Or... screw form and modality, and just tell a story. Casually. No overblown verbiage (that was used semi-sarcastically, btw), none of the ordinary cumbersome shit that makes people lose their patience and move on. Write what "sounds" right, not what you think makes you look more sophisticated.

Also, when people (especially on forums like this) are confronted with a huge block of text, it almost automatically generates a TLDR response.