[Marthaeus Autolykos]

When I first learned of this film I thought, "WHAT? NO SHIPWRECK? NO SAILOR OUTFIT? NO MOTHERFUCKING PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER? FUCK THAT MOVIE, RIGHT IN ITS STUPID FACE!"

Hollywood needs to lay off all this raping of my childhood for a quick buck. What's next, Care Bears rendered in CGI with cybernetic limbs and laser beam eyes that make things explode in fiery conflagration?