[McClain]

Every Wednesday before before heading off to work, Rog calls me and Chojin and we play a game of 3-way Balderdash over the phone. Chojin always wins because Roger can’t ever invoke a supposed definition convincing enough for us to cast a vote in his direction, and I’m always too busy broadcasting the phone call to my coworkers over speakerphone.

Last week Rog said the definition of Usufruct was, “The natural lining of an African elephant’s anus used for cuisine.” ‘Cept his voice is mad wacky and when it speaks it’s a lot funnier. He sounds like Andy Milonakis. But squattier. And a bit more nasal.

The only real reason we let Rog still call us is because in grade school he was the sole student eating paste in the corner while we other kids were eating paste in the company of other kids. For him it was a labor of loneliness - he ate paste 'cause he was lonely, but he was alone 'cause he ate paste. That and he would put Valentine’s Day cards in the boy’s cubby holes. On Easter.

So we make a point to include him, and we totally encouraged him when he said he was going to make his own website. Choijin was so inspired that he separated from the Marines Delta Force unit and starting wearing makeup, platform LA Gears, and started making rave beats in his basement so he could start his own Niche Convoy.

Now I look at my two bestest pals, both full of responsibility, excitement and a vigor for gay barrel roll porn, and I feel all warm inside. Kinda' like a hot fudge sundae, 'cept not nearly as sticky. But with nuts and a maraschino cherry.

True story.