Oh NFL, how we missed thee.
The lockout is finally over and everyone is ready for some foosball. The last week has seen a flurry of activity with free agents and undrafted rookies engaged in a spirited game of musical chairs of which the NFL has never seen before. Camps are now underway and out of shape fatasses like FORMER Vikings LT Bryant McKinnie are getting cut from their respective teams.
In case anyone forgot already, the Green Bay Packers (boo) won it all last year:
Draft Recap
Cam Newton (or $cam Newton as Bama fans will tell you) was taken number 1 overall by the Panthers, causing noted bitch-boy and former 2nd round pick Jimmithy Clausen to switch to Johnson & Johnson No Tears shampoo.
Texas A&M LB Von Miller was taken second by the Josh McDaniels-less Broncos. He also tried to sue the NFL for the lockout shenanigans or something like that.
Tide DL Marcell Dareus went to the Bills at number 3
No Palmer no problem for the Bengals as they took Georgia WR AJ Green at number 4 and also took Palmer's future replacement Andy Dalton of TCU in the second round. Dalton's hair also matches his uniform.
Arizona took LSU shutdown corner Patrick Peterson at number 5. Hopefully he pans out better than Antrelle Rolle who was taken high in 2005.
The Falcons traded up to get Julio Jones from Bama, who Tony Gonzalez is already saying "This kid Julio Jones is the real deal. He's the best incoming receiver I've ever played with. Come to think of it, it's not even close."
Young Qbs Jake Locker, Blaine Gabbert, and Christian Ponder went early to the Titans, Jaguars, and Vikings, respectively.
Also Nick Fairley went to the Lions, causing NFC North QBs to shit their pantaloons at the though of a Lions D-line anchored by Fairley, Suh, and Kyle VandenBosch.
The last player of the draft, Mr. Irrelevant, went to Cheta Ozougwu of Rice.
Godspeed, Cheta.
Notable Transactions
CB Nnamdi Asomugha
Old Team: Raiders
New Team: Eagles
WR Sidney Rice
Old Team: Vikings
New Team: Seahawks
Rice will be joining his bff and former Vikings QB Tarvaris Jackson in Seattle.
Kevin Kolb
Old Team: Eagles
New Team: Cardinals
Jason Babin
Old Team: Titans
New Team: Eagles
One year wonder ends up back in Philly where he palyed in 2009.
CB Johnathan Joseph
Old Team: Bengals
New Team: Texans
QB Matt Hasselbeck
Old Team: Seahawks
New Team: Titans
Keepin' the seat warm for Jake Locker.
Barrett Ruud
Old Team: Bucs
New Team: Titans
Donovan McNabb
Old Team: Redskins
New Team: Vikings
I'm desperately hoping that last year's McNabb was a fluke.
Reggie Bush
Old Team: Saints
New Team: Dolphins
Albert Haynesworth
Old Team: Redskins
New Team: Patriots
If anyone can whip this fatty into shape it's Belichick.
Chad Ochocinco
Old Team: Bengals
New Team: Patriots
Ronnie Brown
Old Team: Dolphins
New Team: Eagles
Vince Young
Old Team: Titans
New Team: Eagles
Less pressure and a chance to learn from Vick on the bench.
New Coaches
Jim Harbaugh
Old Team: HC at Standford
New Team: 49ers
Jason Garrett
Old Team: OC/Interim HC Cowboys
New Team: Cowboys
Hue Jackson
Old Team: OC Raiders
New Team: Raiders
Leslie Fraizer
Old Team: DC Vikings
New Team: Vikings
Pat Shurmur
Old Team: OC Rams
New Team: Browns
John Fox
Old Team: HC Panthers
New Team: Broncos
Ron Rivera
Old Team: DC Chargers
New Team: Panthers
This took me too long to type up so you guys better enjoy it!