[Jeanette X]

WARNING! THIS IS GROSS! I MEAN IT!

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!

SERIOUSLY!

Dear Lower Intestine,
Please stop doing this to me. I beg of you. Stop doing weird, uncomfortable and occasionally frightening things to me. I will give you whatever you ask for; enemas of the purest glacial spring water, the softest velvety toilet paper, anything, as long as you just digest food the way you are supposed to and release it in healthy stool.I know we haven't always gotten along, but I was hoping that we had put all that behind us, especially now that I've had that nasty old gall bladder taken out. Yet, today, you chose to give me the trots. Now, the trots themselves I can deal with, but why did it smell like eggs? I mean, the bathroom smelled like a diner at breakfast rush, and I haven't eaten eggs in at least two or three days. That is very disconcerting. Also, why were there diced carrots in it? I haven't eaten those in two or three days either. Are you telling me that food is staying in my system that long? That it just sat there like a big lump? That's fucking strange. I'm 27 years old, I'm too young to be having health problems. Don't make me go back to the gastroenterologist. No more uncomfortable procedures like what I had to go through with the fucking gall bladder. I beg of you, stop doing this to me.
Sincerely,
Jeanette X

Anyone have any advice? I'm really hoping this is a one off thing.