oh boy, do i have some good ones.
-- most recently, i hooked up with a guy i met online (that's my MO nowadays), we hung out for a while watching movies and drinking, he wasn't making a move. so, in my drunken state i decided to just go for it -- what's the worst that could happen?? well, the he was defenitley the worst kisser ever (nowhere near my mouth, and then when he finally found it he just shoved his tongue in my mouth and started making super fast circles, not hot at ALL), and finally, reliazing that i really did want to get laid, i took off my shirt and he totally had no idea what to do with my tits. just for reference, i'm 38DD, so most guys love them and spend inappropriate amounts of time playing with them. So, after about 20 minutes of awful kissing and terrible groping, i kicked him out. Politley, mind you, but he had to go. That night was a porn night, for sure (once he left).
-- my first time (i was 16), i was at a party and decided it was time to figure out what all the hype was about. i ended up hooking up with a 24 year old, going at it right in the living room. of course, thehost walked in, freaked out and kicked us out. so we went back to his house, and kept going for hours. he was totally excited, because i had told him it was my first time and he figured i'd be in pain after a few minutes and no more. i wore him out -- kept asking for more untill he finally said he couldn't get it up. just goes to show you how my sex drive works.
-- oh god. the guy who wanted to fuck me while i was wearing stockings -- not a big deal, untill i realized he wanted me to jerk him off with my FEET while wearing stockings. weird.
-- the guy i wasn't attracted to, but i was dying to get some. this totally backfired on me -- i was totally just going to fuck him and never talk to him again..........untill i took off his pants and realized he had the biggest, most perfect cock i had ever seen. i actually said, out loud, "oh my GOD!", to which he replied "you weren't expecting that, were you??". i sure wasn't. needless to say, 4 hours and multiple orgasms later, i had changed my mind about never seeing him again. apparently though, he had the same idea as i had originally-- he never called me again. *pouts* was that my punishment for something?!?!?
-- taking my ex's virginity in the backseat of his mom's Volvo. poor kid still talks about it to this day. traumatized.
-- giving some guy a blowjob while my then boyfriend was sleeping in the next room. i knew he was cheating on me, so that was my payback. the kiss after i swallowed the other guy's cum? that was just for fun.
-- the 20 year old i hookedup with after the big breakup, who had amazing skills in bed but would randomly shout really nasty insults at the top of his lungs in the middle of sex. you know, i get the normal stuff, but calling me a stupid fucking whore and telling me you're going to cum in my ear is not necessary. at all.
-- done alot of semi-public stuff -- parks at night, cars, french class (there was a sub, noone was paying attention. dress + nothing underneath = fun for all!!), my parents house when they were in the next room, in a hot tob, blah blah blah. always ends up kinda funny.
-- the ex who liked to talk on the phone while i was giving him head to see how long he could go before the other person asked "are you okay??". it was never very long. i gots skillz
-- OH!!! the guy who swore that he could last forever and was going to fock my world, only to cum 30 seconds after i put my mouth on his cock. nice.
-- my last ex passed out a few times in bed. he's an alcoholic, so he would never admit when he was really that drunk -- he just thought he needed viagra.
-- this one i'm sure noone will believe, but it's the best. at my old job, i was working late one night. must have been around 10 pm, the office was totaly deserted. or so i thought, because when i started to get bored i decided to hit the bathroom to relieve a little stress -- i guess i was being loud (as i usually am), and the big boss kicked the door in because he thought something was wrong. a leetle backstory -- big boss had hit on me at the christmas party a few months before that, i never turned him down but nothing ever happened. well, being that he kicked in the door and i was 2 fingers deep................i fucked him on his desk
on top of the payroll for the next week. it was good. and i never told anyone either -- not even my BFF, who worked there -- for fear that someone would find out and i'd be fired and he'd be in trouble. but it was so worth it
i've got more, but i'm tired of typing.