[Sethomas]

I think my favorite quiz bowl story was from the last match of state finals one year. It was frustrating because we were this podunk hillbilly public school going against all these private schools that require stringent exams just to be a student, and we weren't getting our asses kicked but we generally weren't winning either. I hated that we were so close to IMMORTALITY yet couldn't have it. The normal-round questions had different point values (against the norm of the usual game system), and the very last question was a "field expert level" one. The prompt explained that protons and neutrons are made of different ratios of the same two types of quarks. It asked to name those two quarks.

The room stood in silence for a nanosecond below what was permitted as my mind frantically tried to remember ANYTHING from a list of quarks I had read leisurely on a chart probably two years before then. Was there one called "weird"? "Blue"? Colors seemed like a fine guess! I then recalled that there was a pair of quarks that were by normal definition opposites, so it must have been those two for the question. I had no clue what they were, but "left" and "right" stuck out in my head. Nothing to lose, may as well say it!

So, I buzz in as late as possible and poised my lips to say "left". What came out, however, was "up". "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!", I thought to myself, assuming that I was seconds away from embarrassing myself. My only redemption then was to say something else as soon as I snapped out of anger at myself. "And..." I stumbled. "Umm. Down?"

The judge looked at me for a few seconds as if I were a complete retard who had begun throwing feces at the chalkboard in an attempt at modern art. Then, he looked down at the question sheet and said as condescendingly as possible, "actually, that's right."