[Kitsa]

Speaking of dropping shit on people from the rafters, I had a friend who worked in Merchandising for the Chicago Theatre. She had an office on this high balcony overlooking all of the merchandising stalls in the lobby. I went to see her one time and she was leaned out over the balcony holding a stapler in her hand, honestly debating dropping it three stories to see what would happen. I told her it was probably a bad idea dropping something as dense and heavy as a stapler from that height. Then we looked down and realized that if she'd dropped it, it would have landed square on Oprah and her entourage, who had shown up for a matinee of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Therefore, I saved Oprah's life.

Honest to god.