So after countless days of waiting to open my package due to extra fun activities at my job, I finally got the chance to do so.
And my Secret Santa is... drum roll please... insert onomatopoeia.......
HARRY LIME!!! From a Lime to a Lemon. This is truly starting out to be a magical December already (even though it's near the end of December).
And a nice letter from Mr. Lime.
Well the contents of the package did find me well but I can't quite vouch for the integrity of the products seeing as it's a surpise, so we'll have to anxiously wait until I get to that part! OHHHHHH THATS THE GOOD PART.
Oh yeah, I didn't check the box because I don't like MOESHA.
Unless this is Moesha.....
Wishing me a Merry Christmas on the half of Harry Lime, then consider that box checked.
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Now it's time to to get down to THE GOOD PART, rumaging through the package and over seeing the total contents that Harry Lime has enclosed for me.
5 PACKAGES! Including the goodie pouch and excluding that super mario walkthrough that snuck itself into the shot.
So we're going to break this lot down piece by piece.
. Christmas Tree
. Snowman
. Sock
. Fuel
. Goodie Pouch
Starting with the Christmas Tree and so far I see what seems to be a VHS. That, or Beta Max.
OHHHHHHHH CREEEEEPY CLAASSSSSSICS. A tape that is "a hauntingly hilarious video" with the dashing deviant "Master of Scarimonies" Vincet Price playing host and/or narrator to a barrage of old B movies. They're definitely not kidding about the "authentic film footage", they're definitely snipets of low budgeted films, NO KIDDING!
I saved the best for last on this gem because it couldn't be any more true.
I couldn't agree more that cringing and howling indubitably leads to calling for pizza. Especially to classics such as The Blob, The Day of the Triffids, and many more classics that Mr. Price will be playing host too. Just let this incriminating picture speak for itself.
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Moving unto the Snowman, I discover my interests are rather intrigued. It's a rough guide to cult movies, basically it's a book full kick ass shit and information that people should read more into instead watching the bullshit that's coming out now. It includes quick synopses of movies such as Blade Runner, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Barbarella, Tokyo Gore Police, Rosemary's Baby, and many many more amazing titles. Can't thank you enough Harry Lime for this bible, much appreciation.
Now it's time for the Sock. And it's The Simpsons Christmas which includes 5 Christmas oriented Simpsons episodes from the past to more recent episodes. Ahh the memories are coming back to me when I was a young lad who used to watch The Simpsons religously.
Now we all know you can't be in the Christmas spirit without a little bit of Christmas Fuel. Que in the dark and milk chocolate! What a better way to get things going a little bit more with some good old fashion chocolate.
Finally, the Goodie Pouch. Now what could possibly be in this....
It's... coal... hmmm.
WAIT A SECOND!!!
IT'S THE MOST EXPENSIVE, LEAST EXPENSIVE GIFT IN I-MOCKERY'S SECRET SANTA HISTORY!!!!!! A GOOD OLD FASHIONED INVESTMENT!!
Ahh, now I can finally rest with all my amazing gifts that Harry Lime has provided me with.
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE TO THE FOLKS AT/ON I-MOCKERY, AND A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MY PAL HARRY LIME FOR SWEETENING UP THIS LEMON'S HOLIDAYS!!!!