DRINKING STORIES:
MY NINTEENTH BIRTHDAY. IVE PROBABLY TOLD THIS STORY MAYBE
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OKAY SO LIKE THERE I AM HAVING RECENTLY TURNED 19, WHAT BETTER WAY TO SPEND MY DAY THEN GOING AND HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIEND. I SPENT THE NIGHT DRINKING AND WOKE UP IN THE MORNING AND POLISHED OFF THE LAST OF THE BOTTLES. AND THEN I DECIDED I SHOULD GO BY THIS PERSONS PLACE WHO OFFERED TO SMOKE ME OUT.
HOWEVER THEY WERENT THERE. SEEING AS HOW IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY I DECIDED IT WOULD BE OKAY IF I ENTERED THEIR BACKYARD AND WENT THROUGH THEIR SLIDING GLASSS DOOR WHICH THEY LEFT OPOEN CAUSE THEYRE DUMB. WE PROCEEDED TO ENTER THE HOUSE AND THE FAT DUDE (WHOS NOT THE FRIEND I WENT TO HANG OUT WITH BUT WHO TAGGED ALONG) IMMEDIATELY GOES TO THE GIRL OF THE HOUSE'S ROOM AND LOOKS THROUGH THEIR UNDERWEAR CAUSE HES FAT AND HAS SOMETIMES BEEN KNOWN AS THE PINK PANTIED PANTHER CAUSE HE WORE PINK PANTIES ONE TIME AND HES FAT AND MY FRIEND SAW THEM
ALSO THE NIGHT BEFORE MY FRIEND WHOS NOT FAT/A PINK PANTIED PANTHER FOUND A NOTE (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE MY NONPINKPANTIEDPANTHERFRIEND WROTE) WHICH SAID, "WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THEM PINK PANTIES?"
ANYWAY SO THERE WE ARE INSIDE THEIR HOUSE WITH THAT DUDE RAIDING HER UNDERWEAR AND IM TRYING TO SEE IF THE GIRL IS THERE SO SHELL SMOKE ME OUT BUT SHES NOT. SO IM FUCKING IRRATE NOW AND AFTER WE PULL THE FAT DUDE AWAY FROM THE PANTIES AND GO DOWNSTAIRS WE FIND THIS GINORMOUSISH LIQUOR CABINET. HOWEVER THE LIQUOR CABINET WAS LOCKED BUT LUCKILY I USED TO HAVE THESE BOOTS THAT COULD PICK LIKE ANY LOCK PRACTICALLY SOMEHOW SO I KICKED THROUGH THE GLASS AND UNLOCKED IT ON THE OTHER SIDE AND OPENED IT AND WE STOLE LIKE EVERY BOTTLE OF BOOZE THAT WAS WORTH STEALING. WE WALKED DOWN THE STREET WITH BOTTLES OF BOOZE HANGING OUT OF ALL OF OUR POCKETS AND LINING OUR WAIST LINE.
LUCKILY MY HOUSE WAS AROUND THERE SO I STOPPED AND ASKED MY SISTER FOR A BACKPACK AND SHE GAVE ME HER PURPLE BACKPACK AND NOTICED ALL THE BOOZE AND LUCKILY NEVER SOLD ME OUT (THATS WHAT REAL SISTERS ARE LIKE STUPID FACEBOOKDICKHITLISTGIRL). SO NOW THE BOOZE IS MOSTLY NOT IN OUR POCKETS/WAIST LINE EXCEPT FOR SOME THAT WOULDNT FIT IN THE BACKPACK. WE DECIDE TO GO THIS NEARBY RAVENE TYPE PLACE TO STASH THE BOOZE WE COULDNT CARRY.
WHILE WERE AT THE PARK THERES THIS DUDE SMOKING SOME WEED WITH SOME GIRLS AND I WANTED TO GET STONED PRETTY BAD SO WE APPROACH HIM AND CHIT CHAT AND ASK HIM IF HE WOULD LIKE TO TRADE SOME LIQUOR FOR WEED. EVERYTHING IS GOING FINE AND WE'RE ALL GETTING ALONG AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE LIKE GETS THIS CRAZED PUPPYDOG LOOK LIKE HES GONNA GET REVENGE ON A KITTEN THATS BEEN PICKING ON IT OR SOME SHIT AND HE JUST LIKE JUMPS IN THE CAR AND IS LIKE LEAVE US ALONE SO WE DO AND THEY LEAVE SHORTLY THEREAFTER.
SOME OTHER JERKOFFS SHOW UP WHO MY FAT FRIEND KNEW AND THEY WERE ACTING LIKE BITCHES CAUSE I GUESS THEY HAD GOTTEN IN A FIGHT RECENTLY. ANYWAY BASICALLY MY FAT FRIEND SENT THEM OFF IN THE SAME WAY I SENT OFF THE LIQUOR CABINET
ANYWAY SO THE INITIAL DUDE WHO HAD THE WEED COMES TROTTING AROUND THE CORNER TO THE RAVINE WITH SOME OTHER DUDE. KEEP IN MIND THIS GUY HAD DRIVEN OFF AND NOW HE COMES WALKING BACK WITH SOME GUY WHOS HOLDING A BASEBALL BAT BEHIND HIS BACK TRYING TO BE ALL SNEAKY AND SHIT. SO THEY GET ALL CLOSE AND THEYRE LIKE,
"WHY WERE YOU BUGGING MY FRIEND?"
"WE WANTED TO SEE IF HE WANTED TO TRADE BOOZE F OR WEED"
THEN THEY SAID A BUNCH OF ASSHOLISH SHIT LIKE THEY WERE TOUGH GUYS AND WE WERE LIKE, "DUDE WE JUST WANTED TO TRADE SOME BOOZE FOR WEED, YOU GUYS WERE ACTING COOL ABOUT IT THEN ACTED ALL CRAZY. IF YOU DONT WANT TO TRADE GO AWAY"
THEN THEY STARTED SAYING SOME SHIT ABOUT WHY THEY LEFT AND ACTED ALL RETARDED SURPRISED ABOUT THE BOOZE THING SO THEY ASKED TO SEE THE BOOZE. WE OPENED THE BACKPACK AND THE DUDE WITH THE BASEBALL BAT WAS LIKE, "GIVE ME THE BACKPACK"
AT THIS POINT HE LIFTS UP HIS SHIRT AND HES PACKING! HE SERIOUSLY HAD A GUN! HE WAS TELLING US TO GIVE HIM THE BOOZE AND HE KEPT SAYING IT OVER AND OVER. YOU CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH OUR MIND!
 Spoilers! |
ALSO THE GUN SAID REPLICA ON THE SIDE. |
ANYWAY WE DIDNT GIVE THEM THE BOOZE AND THEY ENDED UP SMOKING US OUT IN EXCHANGE FOR AN OPENED BOTTLE OF WINE TO SHARE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND ON THEIR NEXT ROMANTIC GET AWAY
BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
I USED TO BE A JERK
THE FRIENDS WHOS LIQUOR CABINET I JACKED DIDNT CARE BECAUSE THEY HATED THE LADY/DUDE WHOS LIQUOR CABINET IT WAS (STEP MOM/HER NEW BOYFRIEND) AND I FIGURE I JUST HELPED HER KICK A BAD D RINKING HABIT.