Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Boogie
You say that you've treated your wife like shit for a long while, and yet you wonder why she's not communicating with you? Do you really have no idea why she might not want to talk to you?
Moreover, it sounds like she's been keeping these feelings of resentment bottled up for some time now. The two of you could try counseling, I suppose, but it sounds like she wants to move on, and frankly, I wonder if that would be such a bad thing for either of you.
Just let her go, man. If you do it gracefully, you can still be friends, and you can still visit the kids. I would think they'd be closer to you than their biological father anyway. So just move on, and try not to treat the next woman you love like garbage.
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No, you're right. I do want to clarify, however, that the bad treatment was more akin to jealousy than anything else. My previous relationship was a 7 year hellhole with a high school "sweetheart" who basically ran ME through the ringer, lied to me, treated me like crap, etc. And, honestly, to some extent, I still harbor those feelings of jealousy, but to a very minute degree these days, but even that is not good. I also want to note that this was in the early days of the marriage, and these days, for at least the past 4-5 years, I haven't been anywhere near the level of douchebaggery that I was, but I know the damage has been done. That's what hurts the most.
As far as the lack of communication, she was never one to talk about her feelings, even way before she met me. The funny thing is, she did what she is doing now TO her ex, way back before we ever met. She never told him what he was doing until it was too late, but he's not like me, he gave up just like that. Maybe he did it the right way, as she is now taking a shine to him these days after 8 years. I'm not one to let things go easily, especially something I care deeply for, and yes, I do admit my wrongdoings, but I still love her very much and will try until we sign the papers to right my wrongs. It's just not seeming possible anymore. I used to be able to, but now she has the wall up and it doesn't appear anything will bring it down.
I even tried to arrange marriage counseling for the two of us, but after the first appointment, she stated that since she wasn't going to change her mind, that it wouldn't be worth it to go. That's something that really hurt, because even though we both talk a good game, we never actually tried it, and now it's too late.
Thanks for your insight, though. I've learned a lot over the past month, and I know that I need to work on myself before any other relationships can be worked out. Maybe time apart will help us, but even that, I don't know if it will be able to save us. She's a great woman, believe me, I have nothing bad to say about her. Thanks again.