View Single Post
  #3  
Marc Summers Marc Summers is offline
Senior Member
Marc Summers's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The OC
Old Dec 23rd, 2005, 07:12 AM       
Start by emitting an ear-piercing, girly scream. You will then proceed to savagely tear the Bloodrayne poster off the wall, thus slitting its corners because it's attached by push pins. You will then jump on to your Halo 2 blanket-covered bed and continue to scream like a pansy, clutching the poster madly in your pudgy fists. "I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!! GO TO HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!" you scream at the poster with the intensity of a female giving birth to quadruplets. Kristanna Loken just stares back, almost mocking you with her alluring presence. You will then try to rip the poster by pulling the opposite edges away from each other, but there is no give in the lamination. You pull as mightily as a fire ant; your tomato-red face contorts into an almost unrecognizable crazy-eyed expression somewhere between PG-13 fury and R-rated constipation. The failed attempt leaves you almost breathless, desperately gasping for air.

After recuperating your strength and pre-teen angst, you emit another Xena-esque squeal of bloodthursty hatred and proceed to violently tear the poster down the middle. Instead, the tear immediately becomes misaligned and you only tear off about one eighth of the poster, with the newly formed partition barely coming down to Loken's leather-clad bosom. Filled with tears and primal lust for destruction, you then successfully tear the poster into several pieces in a flurry of animalistic motions, letting out the ultimate scream of absolute adolescent rage with the volume and pitch of a Pterodactyl. Finally, there is a calm after this perfect storm--you're left on your Halo 2 sheets surrounded by the piss-poor remains of your latest kill, face as red as the devil himself, reaching for a towel to wipe the gallons of sweat that fled from your crusty pores during the whole ordeal.
Reply With Quote